My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Join the discussion and meet other Mumsnetters on our free online chat forum.

Chat

Which secondary school would you pick?

48 replies

Tallulasdancingshoes · 27/05/2022 19:38

My eldest is currently in year 4 and we need to start thinking about secondary schools, but I’m really conflicted about what to do. There are 2 schools that are possibilities. Moving house and going private are not options.

School one - this is the school I always though the kids would go to. It’s a very big comprehensive. But it has been very poor for a number of years (ofsted 4). It has recently had an academy take over. I always thought it would get better, but it just isn’t, or not very quickly anyway. They’ve had a few heads try to turn it around, but all have left after only a couple of years.

School two - I work at this school in a fairly senior position, and have been here for 16 years. But it is a Catholic school, I’m not catholic and the children haven’t been baptised at all. This school is very much aiming for outstanding in the ofsted and has every chance of getting it. It is our closest school (walking distance) but you have to be baptised Catholic to get in. No chance otherwise. If we got the children baptised Catholic they would definitely have a place.

Here's the dilemma though. I feel it is morally wrong to have the children baptised to get into the school, but it is so, so much better than the other option. However, I know that lots of parents do this and the vast majority who are from Catholic families are really not religious at all. The vast majority do not attend mass. I understand what a Catholic education looks like pretty well having worked here for so long and I love the ethos of the school (otherwise I’d have moved long ago) but we are not Catholic.

There is only the choice of these two schools. What would you do?

OP posts:
Report
Whatwouldscullydo · 27/05/2022 19:41

Check the admissions criteria. Sometimes children of staff are on the list.

If not you will probably be stuck with the first school but u still have the options of waiting lists and appeals

Report
Tallulasdancingshoes · 27/05/2022 20:03

Staff don’t get any special privileges. If you’re Catholic and local you get in, if not, you won’t. Baptism date isn’t looked at, just have to have one.

OP posts:
Report
Leggingslife · 27/05/2022 20:06

2nd choice.

Report
redskyatnight · 27/05/2022 20:16

Is it really just a matter of getting the children baptised to get into School 2? Often catholic schools specify baptism before x age or have other requirements (such as regular attendance at mass).

To answer your question, I wouldn't be hypocritical about religion just to get into a school. Presumably your colleagues are well aware of your religious beliefs, so it would be extremely obvious if you did this anyway? (Which whilst getting your child in, might result in some treating your differently).

I'd have a very long hard look a School 1 to understand the issues. If it's your only option it sounds like others in your area must all go there? And and at least give it a go as reputations are very often worse then reality. Can you stretch to tutoring to supplement if needed?

Report
Tallulasdancingshoes · 27/05/2022 20:35

A lot do go to school one, but lots get children baptised to get in my school. I’ve spoken to our admissions officer and because of where we live it really would just be a case of getting the dc baptised. They would have to do a 4 week course first in preparation then would be able to be baptised. Our priest has done this for other staff. One did it just recently to get his son in in September. I’m not anti religion. I’ve attended many masses and do daily prayers, but I’m not Catholic. I was talking to some supply teachers who have been in school one and it’s really not good (swearing at teachers etc). I’ve also spoken with the SLT at my school. They agree, it’s very poor and looked at the data with me too. The deputy head offered to be my sponsor if I wanted the dc baptised. But it just feels wrong, yet so so many people are doing it locally. And I always said I wouldn’t. But I know for an absolute fact that my school provides a much higher standard of education.

OP posts:
Report
Whatwouldscullydo · 27/05/2022 20:42

There is a third option?

Find another school that you can get to reasonably well and that lists children of staff on admissions criteria and apply for a job?

Report
carefullycourageous · 27/05/2022 20:46

Personally I think it is utterly wrong to baptise a child into a religion you do not actually believe in in order to get access to a 'better' school. I could not do that to my child.

Report
JubileeQueen · 27/05/2022 20:47

If these 2 schools are the only option I'd be a hypocrite and send my kids to the catholic school- it sounds like they would be happier there.

Report
Tallulasdancingshoes · 27/05/2022 20:53

There really isn’t another option of school. Even if we put down another school further away, we’d be allocated school one. A lot of people pay for private locally, but we can’t afford it.
@carefullycourageous this is my problem, I agree, it’s wrong and I never thought I’d be considering it. But the other school is awful and I’m teaching hundreds of kids whose parents have done this. That’s why I’m so conflicted. I either keep my morals and send my children to the bad school. Or I put my morals aside and guarantee my children a high quality education.

OP posts:
Report
Oinkypig · 27/05/2022 21:02

4th option try and get the pupils of staff to be an admission criteria? If the school already accepts staff they know are not really catholic just baptising children to get in it sounds like they could be open to it?

having a parent working at the school is a very common admission criteria much more so than accepting baptising an 8/9 year old. Surely you or your husband would have to be baptised as well?

Report
Tallulasdancingshoes · 27/05/2022 21:06

Not necessarily because I’ve been part of the Catholic community for so long. There is quite a long history of children of staff attending the school, but all have been baptised. I don’t think the governors would change the criteria because school is partly funded by the church. I don’t have that level of power.

OP posts:
Report
Tallulasdancingshoes · 27/05/2022 21:07

I always thought they’d go to school one, but it’s just not improving.

OP posts:
Report
Lavenderlast · 27/05/2022 21:16

Baptism asap! I get that it may feel morally wrong to fake religion. But it is also morally wrong that state funded education in your area is top quality for religious families and crap for atheists. You can’t change the world, you can only navigate it. 🤷‍♀️

Report
yoshiblue · 28/05/2022 09:24

I 100% would baptise so he can attend your school. You already have strong/long term connections with the school, so I personally think it is easier for you to do.

We are in a similar predicament with our child. Two catchment grammar schools, but if my DS doesn't pass, he'll be attending an underperforming comprehensive school. I agree with the comment that why should catholics have access to amazing state funded schools, and atheists don't.

Report
iCouldSleepForAYear · 28/05/2022 09:41

Spare your children the crap school and do what it takes to get them into the better one.

I've been a smart kid at a secondary school with behavioral problems, social problems, and shaky leadership. I didn't do ok. I got bullied by the kids and the teachers were too overwhelmed and disillusioned to help anyone. They would deliberately put me in working groups with some of the rowdiest kids because surely I would "bring them along". What that meant in real life was I did the work and they put their names on it. I was so happy when we moved. The quality of the teaching at the better school was miles ahead of my old one, mainly because the staff didn't have to deal with crap like kids swearing at them or breaking up fistfights in the halls.

A four-week baptism course seems like nothing, in comparison.

Report
MsMarple · 28/05/2022 10:03

Get them baptised!
It’s fine to stick to your principles when its you that will suffer the consequences, but it really isn’t fair to disadvantage your children because of your ideals.
In any case, this isn’t something illegal - it’s accepted and even encouraged by the leaders of your school. If you are happy for your children to participate in the religious life of the school, like attending the school masses and prayers, as you currently do, there shouldn’t be a problem. It sounds like you are currently taking part in more religious activities during your working day than some parents from Catholic families would!

Report
bbqhulahoop · 28/05/2022 10:07

Don't catholic schools legally have to take a certain percentage of non catholics? Always used to be the case but it could have changed

Report
SwayingInTime · 28/05/2022 10:11

Just do the baptism, ASAP or they’ll be really too old.

Report
MySleevesMayBeGreen · 28/05/2022 10:13

My friend was in a similar position.
Just out of catchment for the highly regarded comprehensive so her two other options were the Catholic school or the other comp where my husband’s friend’s son was stabbed (during the school day)
She took the religious route.

Report
TheOldLadyOfThreadneedleStreet · 28/05/2022 10:15

if there is really no other practical option, I would get the DC baptised. Yes, it goes against your principles but your DC’s education is just so important and for me would trump my morals in such a situation.

Report
nearlyspringyay · 28/05/2022 10:15

They have to be baptised before 1 year old for our catholic school.

Report
BangingOn · 28/05/2022 10:21

My take on it is that there are a number of things parents can do to influence where their child goes to school, including moving house to a more desirable catchment area, paying for independent or aligning to a particular faith. Arguably the latter is the only one available to all, irrespective of financial circumstances, so why is it any worse than the others?

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

MagnoliatheMagnificent · 28/05/2022 10:25

Perhaps you could start going along to the church. If you're already involved at school and like the ethos etc, you may find that you get a lot out of the church and may wish to join. Then you could legitimately get your dc baptised and the problem is solved! I'm a Catholic. Generally faith schools have better discipline and a culture of like minded people etc. You know your school well, what is it that makes it so good? I'd be trying hard to get my child in there.

Report
EATmum · 28/05/2022 10:25

Firm atheist here, and I'd baptise the children in your situation.

The question for me is who is harmed by your action? Your children won't be (if they don't believe, it's just words/water). The wrong thing is faith being a criteria for admission to a good school.

Report
jessieminto · 28/05/2022 10:27

Option 2 all day long. Your kids only get one chance at their education and it shapes every part of their life after that.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.