Any tips for getting my life motivation back? It's vanished

[Shakeupandwakeup]

I'm SO demotivated.

I WFH for myself, so there's no one around to nudge me or discuss projects. Done it for years and right now I've just hit a wall where i do nothing all day long. I should be working so I don't even do other stuff like redecorating the house or decluttering (which also need to be done.)

I feel permanently tired and just slump on the sofa. I don't feel depressed (have been depressed before) - it's just that I can't seem to make myself get up, sort out the day's tasks and do them. Yesterday I got up early, made a list of what I could do then went back to bed and surfed the net until lunch time. I did one of the five jobs on the list and did it pretty badly.

I really need to shake myself up and get motivated but it seems like I need to find the motivation to get motivated, if you know what I mean. DC left home last year so I no longer need to be up early to get them off to school. I am often still in PJs all morning, which I hate. Never used to be like this.

You do sounds a little bit depressed to me, even if it is just mild. I would try and start your day doing something like going for a walk at 8am and then you have to be up and dressed. Make a list and stick to it. Ensure you have clear breaks that you can look forward to, maybe decided to eat lunch outside once you have a certain amount of work?

Following. This is me. Feel like I've never really got back to myself after the lockdown. Not depressed either, just severe lack of motivation. The part about not redecorating/ decluttering etc because you should be working really resonated.

Maybe accountability buddy? I am at a loss!

Maybe give yourself some time off to do the decluttering bits that need doing or just to take a break?

I was going to start basically the same thread last night. Feel like I'm failing at every turn. Think it's at least partly burn out but I know if I copped the fuck on and actually did the work, did a bit of exercise and ate less crap I would feel a thousand times better. I just can't.

I feel like I've lost myself completely.

I know from experience that it wears you down when you are living alone as EVERY bastard thing is up to you. If you put a cup down it will stay there till YOU move it; you can't be sorting out clutter or taking ona big decorating project because somebody still has to go and do the food shopping and cook tea, and that somebody is you, etc etc etc

Could you be peri-meopausal? Since going on HRT I have so much more energy and motivation to do the small things that before I would just think, urgh, cba. I was feeling like that recently again and I upped my oestrogen dose, and am feeling far more motivated again.

would it be possible for you to effectively work part time so you have definite working days, and definite days where you can lie in bed all morning surfing the net, without feeling guilty that you are just wasting time, or plan to go for a proper walk in the countryside?

I have found it useful to make a list of small things that need doing, and things that take me out of the house on non-working days, even it is just something like walking to the library. (BTW my library is good for free activities such as reading groups, drawing sessions, talks from authors, if that is your kind of thing) Although if I decide I will do one thing, I invariably end up doing something completely different. (Yesterday, was planning to do some baking but actually ended up washing the windows in the kitchen. 🙄) I have recently got on to eventbrite and you can search for free stuff to do if money is tight.

I have also been trying to go for a short walk every morning as the PP said. It is only 10 minutes round the block, but it is nice to listen to the birds and get a bit of fresh air.

Yep, same here on the eating and drinking. i want to give up booze and eat healthily but my willpower is zero day in day out. I don't know where to find it to gain some control back in my life.

@severrely = accountability buddy is not a bad idea. I am still in PJs, in bed. Got up to feed animals and make tea, then came back to bed. So for now I will at least
get up,
get dressed,
have a healthy breakfast,
clean my teeth and put a bit of make up on so I don't look so washed out.

Then make a list of just two things to do. Yesterday's list was a bit optimistic. I think it daunted me.

Have a shower and get changed first thing in the morning. Then make your bed.
That will be a signal to get on with the day.

How old are you? Could it be perimenopause? I know it sounds a bit daft but I'm taking these Lamberts vitamins plus some lions mane drops. It really helps me.

Also I get up and get dressed to make going back to bed harder. I promise myself a sleep later if I need it.

I have a list of everything I need to do in like a bullet journal. If I don't get it done this week it goes on next weeks. Crossing stuff off is the only way.

I now also try to go to bed stupid early.

What's your social circle like? Have you got people you could invite for brunch? Do you ever have any f2f work meetings you could schedule for first thing? I find if you have to get going in the morning it's easier to continue through the day.

Depending on your budget can you arrange a personal trainer in the mornings? Even committing to an early online class could help your momentum.

Thinking about the bills I have to pay works for me.

Don’t wfh. Join some kind of workspace or go to the library or a cafe (bearing in mind Wi-Fi safety).

I also WFH full time and it’s so easy to drift into a day of aimlessness so I completely get where you’re coming from.

I’ve found leaving the house first thing works for me. Getting up dressed and out and go and work in a cafe. (If you can’t work from a cafe, just going out to buy the coffee will help).

today, i forced myself to get up and gym before work - I told myself when my alarm went that today was going to be a good productive day, and that forced me out of bed.

also don’t sit at your desk for the full day trying to work but not. There in lies guilt procrastination.

Set a timer, do 30 mins, take a 10 min break and work up from that.

(note though I’m posting on Mumsnet so I’m not perfect by any means!)

Posting for ideas.

I find I feel much better if I go out for a walk or on an errand

Sounds like menopause or peri-, if that’s right for your stage of life. If you think it might be, head over to the menopause board.

Agree with pp and also, baby steps at first, otherwise you just get overwhelmed. Your list yesterday was obviously too much, so today, maybe just tackle 2 of them ? You're better off doing them properly than half heartedly. The more you do, the better you'll feel. Keep targets realistic, and build on them.
I'm an early riser so find it easy to get up but I still have days where I'm lacking motivation. Like pp said, it is sometimes a matter of forcing yourself.
Try all these tips for a week and if they don't work, I'd chat to your gp.

I think is a common post-lockdown affliction. We have our freedom again but our minds haven’t caught up. So many people talk of this. I don’t know the answer, watching with interest.

I know. That is literally the only thing that motivates me in the end. And I actually enjoy my job. But I have a slight envy of people who have to get up and out of the house and be somewhere, be accountable to others. Because I've been a self starter now for thirty years and I've lost the drive to keep going when there's no one around to make me. I think it could well be a bit of empty nest. I used to get up, dressed, out with DC and that energy kickstarted the day. But DH has now retired and potters around on his computer or in the garden, very happy but low energy and I think I've dropped down to that level. i am a decade away from retiring. Can't slack now.

I’d get out of the house every single day.

Do you have any neighbours who also WFH that you could arrange a weekly walk with at lunchtime?
One day plan to run a few errands.

Go to a cafe or library to work twice a week
Some kind of volunteer work during the day to get you out and about. My local school is always asking for people to help in the library.

Join a gym or walking group or wild water swimming group.

Basically do a variety of different things that get you out of the house, interacting with others and give you something to look forward to

Oh goodness. Currently faffing on mn rather than getting on with work... feel exactly the same as you.

This is me! I'm joining for inspiration. I'm currently up and dressed (scruffily) and half-heartedly doing somev desk work (20% work, 80% faff, like this!)

I'm not so bad at getting out of bed and getting dressed, but I usually put in shabby old home clothes which aren't fit for being seen in, and then there's quite a hurdle to actually going out of the house.

I am now motivated to sort out the utility room, which is a tip and has needed emptying out and reorganising for months.

Hi OP, I absolutely hear you. I can waste entire days dicking about and hating myself, against a backdrop of being the breadwinner, liking being busy with my job and hone projects, but not being able to drag my brain to the table to get underway.

Obvious health things aside (peri etc absolutely worth tackling), the two things I've found which help are arranging a shot of external energy first thing, and exercise you like. So days when I have a meeting at 9 go a million times better than the days when I think I have lovely free time to get stuff done but never get switched on by talking to someone. And days when i do one of the 30 day yoga programmes go a million times better than days when I have a lie-in.

I don't think it's about willpower and motivation, its a simple human need to engage with others and move.

Came on here to say perimenopause. I felt the same. HRT has been amazing.

I agree about human contact and physical exercise. Normally I'm very good at getting out to do workouts but recently I've fallen out of the habit because I'm so tired. It's a vicious circle. And theoretically I could work in a cafe but in reality I have to write reports that require me to pull so many page references from books that I wouldn't be able to do the work and would end up just drinking coffee.

I know that sounds like an excuse and I hate it when people have problems, ask for solutions then dismiss all suggestions. I am listening to you all and will go back to bootcamp tomorrow morning. But recently just doing bootcamp has wiped me out for the whole day. I do it, shower and go back to bed. Last time I had exhaustion this bad it was as a result of severe depression but that came with tears, intrusive thoughts and very low mood, none of which I have. I just feel tired and lazy.

Spent all morning trying to find the books I need to compile a report that is overdue and I'm so tired and still can't locate one of them, even though I refer to it often. It seems to have vanished. So not really made much progress at all. Can't complete the work and send it off without the references.

Oh I am so bloody frustrated with myself.

OK, I think I need this. I will make an appointment with GP.

I've just sent an email to our GP to discuss HRT. Thank you for the nudge on this.