How does my DD (11) help her friend who cries regularly and won't talk about it

[Goldenbear]

Dd has a friend who she likes but she frequently gets upset about seemingly nothing in particular. She will suddenly start crying, drop her head and refuses to communicate with anyone. This girl is very quiet and almost whispers most form of communication but does have a laugh and joke with her friends. Dd just has no idea how to help when she is in one of these moments, does anyone have any advice or experience with this kind of situation, perhaps phrases or things that DD can do to help?

Just say no. Say that dd is walking herself. Or walk with her another way.

You are doing what school and her parents and you originally in your OP wanted to do, and that is enabling them all.

Stop.

You should be less concerned with them.akd more concerned with your dd

I won't let.my DD used as a behaviour tool but at the same time I don't agree that we dot need to know if they want the girls (not just DD) to remain close.friends. The others are at their wits end, starting to think she is a joy sponge and can't be bothered with it. The parents have wrongly concluded their DD is left out and blame.the girls except my DD. It is permanent head in sand and the poor girl is not being tolerated.

It is not odd dynamic as we are in a friendship group as parents, like I said I can't really elaborate on why I said that to the Dad but I fundamentally disagreed with what he was saying at that point..

You have just referred to an 11 year old child as a joy sponge.
I don't know what you want to hear here, that is not ok.

No, that is what some of the friends that are children have said. I have absolutely not and would not say this is ok, I want to help her, like I said, one parent is negative and try to imagine why I said to them they shouldn't try to change their DD. A previous poster said it was a bit ogf but it isn't as this is the context we are dealing with.

I wanted practical tips for DD when she is left for instance on the walk to school but it was highlighted that looking out for another child is not my business and then you have the audacity to criticise my interest and good intentions- wow I'm the only one who is concerned believe me!

I’m appalled that the adults who should be looking after your daughter are actually pushing her into this role of compliant people pleasing problem solver.

this is a failure of the school and her parents and not your problem

and if the crying itself is distressing your daughter. She needs to step away

Also: you mums who are pals should really take the pressure off your children and raise it with her parents. If you can’t do that, you’re modelling poor behaviour for your daughters as well and leaving it to them indirectly

My DD is not distressd by it just confused but used to it now.

Yes, I agree with that, we are all walking on eggshells mainly as don't want to offend but I have said to DH that it has got to the point that if we lose friends so be it. We are not modelling good behaviour, you are right, we don't want to make things worse.

Look the best thing you can do is just let it happen.

Maybe when the others and your dd have had enough then the parents will realise they aren't the ones with the problem.

What they do with their child us up to them. The more you bail them out the worse it will be.

Email the school. Inform them that your dd in no uncertain terms is an.unpaid carer for this child. Then Tell your dd she will be better off cutting her losses now before she gets any more responsibility placed on her.

Sadly that's the only way they will start to see the extent of the problems.

If you continue to be involved you are just making things worse