I have a meeting with DS school in two hours. Please help!

[TrippinByTheSea]

I have a meeting with my DS school in two hours and I’m at a loss as to what support to ask for.

DS is 11 with ASD and severe anxiety but academically very bright; he has avoided school for most of year 7 but he has attended weekly with multiple days off until a month ago when he became so upset , he has not returned. He has been unable to attend school full time since year 6 due to his crippling anxiety.

DS has an EHCP but even followed to the letter , DS can not attend.

Various interventions by different sources have not worked as DS just can not cope in school. There are no spaces in any of the special schools in or out of county (to get him in to one would be a minimum 6-12 month wait for tribunal). They are also unsuitable due to other factors.

DH and I work full time so we are unable to HE (we can’t afford to leave our jobs); it’s also likely DS would become depressed due to lack of friendships as he is too anxious to mix in extra curricular.

School have suggested a reduced timetable for a few weeks with the aim of him going in full time, but we’ve already tried this for almost a year and it does not work.

DS is stressed and miserable as he wants to be like all of his peers but he can’t face going to school.

Any advice on what support to ask for?

Most asd schools won't take Pda profiles.
No appropriate place for my son either, I had to give up work and we have EOTAS which is a package of education delivered at home or elsewhere but not in school. My son needs me with him for his sessions, but I do know of parents who work and have a full time PA for their child to facilitate the package , and this is part of the package and funded by the LA.
There are loads of great support groups on Facebook ...look up ehcp groups and EOTAS groups

We did go through his EHCP in the meeting (it was mentioned that it was a review) sorry I’m clueless about the process! But nothing was mentioned about a change of provision, it was decided that DS needs to access the support on offer before we “give up”.

I’ve told DS he is to attend school tomorrow starting an hour after the others, he has not taken it well. I know tomorrow he will just shut down and not get out of bed to go in.

I’ve been researching schools but none seem suitable for him, one I approached said they would unlikely take him as they can’t meet his academic needs (the school caters more to learning disabilities).

I am currently using my annual leave to deal with this and feel we are getting nowhere. I’ve had a chat with DS and all he can tell me is that the school is too big and he does not know what will help. He does not want to lose his friends, but I don’t think we will have a choice if he can’t attend.

DS was asked to rate his anxiety levels from 1-10 when in school the higher number being the most anxious; he rated it consistently a ‘7’ with mornings being around a 9 or 10.

His school suggested a ‘7’ rating is fixable and not as severe as they expected. Is a ‘7’ workable or is it unhealthy to be constantly at that level?

But saying the school is too big is at least a start I'd say @TrippinByTheSea

The school is focusing on the wrong thing, if he won't go in as 9 in the am, the 7 in the day is pointless. Plus those ratings are subjective nonsense - the school SEN support doesn't sound good.

Other than ratings, if you struggle to get your ds in and then he has meltdowns after school then he's not adequately supported whatever the ratings are.

My dd went from having several before and after school meltdowns a week to none with adequate support in place.

Are there any private schools near by that you could get funding for, I know of people who got the LA to pay for private. You need good advice from a charity and even ba SEN solicitor.

We have switched our DD to private this term thanks to an inheritance the small school and classes are making a huge difference to her already she wasn't a non-attendor but was getting more and more anxious and was academically falling further and further behind.

Are there any smaller schools you could consider in the local area for him to give it a try?

My dm used to teach at a very small (and cheap) private school. It had been a big school, with boarding, but had shrunk down until there were, when she arrived, around 30 in the secondary school section.
The children that went there were a mixture of children but there was a trickle of children who had gone to secondary and couldn't cope. All of them spent 1-3 years at the school and then went back to mainstream and coped.
Because they were small enough, with roughly 6 in a class, they could cope with the very bright as well as the other end.

If you had looked at it from a "is this academic enough" point of view, then you would have discounted it. But they generally got students working to their ability. Mum reckoned the greatest achievement over 30 years teaching at a variety of schools was one girl who got an E at GCSE in her subject. In the same year they had a girl who would have been disappointed with less than 90% in her exam.

Are you sure it was a formal early review of the EHCP following this process? If so, if the LA refuse to amend or don’t make the amendments you want you can appeal. If it wasn’t a formal review you need to ask the LA for an early review.

You can search for schools here. Or if you don’t mind posting where you are someone might have a suggestion.

It’s unpaid but an alternative to using annual leave is parental leave.

Rating his anxiety like that is pointless. What is DS’s 7, 9, 10 won’t be the same as your perception and your 7/9/10.. won’t be the same as the school’s. It also requires insight, which not all teens with ASD &/or anxiety have. DS1 swears blind he isn’t anxious when it is obvious for everyone else to see he definitely is.

Unfortunately even with two incomes, private schools are out of our grasp.

An EOTAS package might be the answer for his anxiety but I am very worried he will become depressed due to lack of social pursuits. He currently has no hobbies as he struggles so much with interaction.

Independent schools can be funded via the EHCP.

EOTAS doesn’t have to mean a lack of social contact. Are there any care farms around you or forest schools or science groups... It could include sports activities or drama group or music group… if DS would cope. Accessing the community is also a part of many EOTAS packages.

@TrippinByTheSea my sons independent school is funding via his EHCP, the LA also provide transport. It can be done, most students in DSs school have gained the placement there after lodging an appeal. There is also a local mainstream independent school near me that has quite a few students who are funded via EHCPs.

We did go through his EHCP in the meeting (it was mentioned that it was a review) sorry I’m clueless about the process! But nothing was mentioned about a change of provision, it was decided that DS needs to access the support on offer before we “give up”.

Given that the support in the EHCP is obviously inadequate, otherwise he would be able to attend full time, what do they propose to change to make this possible?

If the last meeting was a formal annual review, you should have been told at least two weeks in advance and invited to submit your views in writing. Copies of reports prepared for the annual review should also have been sent to you. If you're not sure whether that was a formal review, you need to ask because, as people have pointed out, it can open up a right of appeal.

Bookmarking to come back to this when I'm more awake tomorrow! You could be describing my DS, but mine is a year younger, and I'm so worried about him moving up to secondary school.

I'm so sorry I've not been able to read through this all but I've been in this situation.

Firstly ask the LA for an urgent review of his EHC plan. Part F is no longer suitable and is failing him.

Ask for EOTAS which is educated other than in school.

We found an amazing alternative provision approved by the LA. It's registered as a school but is a small independent farm that has a schooling hub attached. Its 1:1 or small groups and specialise in autism.

They get a taxi in each morning and have lessons either 1:1 or very small groups of up to 4.
Afternoon spent on extra activities with the farm or art or horse riding.

The difference in my child is incredible.

It's EOTAS in an independent setting that's on the LA approved list. Ask to see the list and go and visit approved provision.

After he's settled start looking towards the next step for specialist schooling. Being a bright autistic he'll need this, again visit the schools and ask about how they can support him.

You'll need to push for another Educational Psychologist to assess his current needs.

Also contact your local SENDIASS for independent advice. They will guide you through the legal part of this.

Wishing you all the best.

The council will pay the fees for private if mainstream fails and it is the best option. As I said previously it will still be much cheaper for them than a specialist school place.

Be careful with SENDIASS. Some are good, but too many repeat the LA’s unlawful policies. IPSEA and SOSSEN are better.

@TrippinByTheSea how did the meeting go? I’m preparing for an early EHCP review next week as my DS is in a very similar situation but without the friends at school 🙁.

There’s been some fantastic advice on here for me, thank you MNers.