I have a meeting with DS school in two hours. Please help!

[TrippinByTheSea]

I have a meeting with my DS school in two hours and I’m at a loss as to what support to ask for.

DS is 11 with ASD and severe anxiety but academically very bright; he has avoided school for most of year 7 but he has attended weekly with multiple days off until a month ago when he became so upset , he has not returned. He has been unable to attend school full time since year 6 due to his crippling anxiety.

DS has an EHCP but even followed to the letter , DS can not attend.

Various interventions by different sources have not worked as DS just can not cope in school. There are no spaces in any of the special schools in or out of county (to get him in to one would be a minimum 6-12 month wait for tribunal). They are also unsuitable due to other factors.

DH and I work full time so we are unable to HE (we can’t afford to leave our jobs); it’s also likely DS would become depressed due to lack of friendships as he is too anxious to mix in extra curricular.

School have suggested a reduced timetable for a few weeks with the aim of him going in full time, but we’ve already tried this for almost a year and it does not work.

DS is stressed and miserable as he wants to be like all of his peers but he can’t face going to school.

Any advice on what support to ask for?

If he doesn't want to be different and can't manage the hustle and bustle then he needs specialist asd school.

There is no excuse for "no spaces". Find the relevant quotes on Sendcop and tell the La.

If the school cannot meet need they must call an emergency review and say this. Say they've tried everything. Get an EP to reassess etc.

The LA have a responsibility to provide an education setting that meets needs and a tribunal shouldn't have to force that.

Many parents are now winning costs back for missed education to pay privately for all the therapies missed whilst out of school when no one will say they can't meet need or agree a setting that can. Remind the la of this if they start fart arsing around.

Knowing the law is the best thing.

However my ds did manage to settle into a second MS with his ehcp after not being able to attend the first with anxiety. The second school just seemed to have a better atmosphere and ethos and he was much happier.

Look up pda - it’s all about anxiety and how children struggle at school x

Have you considered a specialist setting? My gifted ASD boy attends an autism school and it's made a HUGE difference.

Mainstream school is mainly academic focus and a hope that children will cope to achieve with a bit of support. SEN schools are about everything these children need to get an education AND have the therapy they need to be happy adults. My son gets all the therapy, mental health support and mostly social communication therapy daily that makes a huge difference to helping him to attend (plus quiet small classes obviously!)

I don't know what else the school could offer. Ultimately it sounds like your son needs a break from a mainstream school environment. I have a son with ASD and an EHCP he is Yr10. He is in an ASD unit attached to a mainstream school. Its not ideal, it's not great at all and we still have lots of issues with anxiety. Its the mainstream setting for us that is wrong and DS struggles to cope. It sounds like it is similar for your son. In my experience it could be that without a different placement your son could end up remaining on role but end up not attending, even with an EHCP this does happen, even through to year 11.
I think you need to explore alternative options. In our borough there is a short stay PRU for pupils with MH needs and anxieties who can't access mainstream school. In the next borough there is a school for pupils with anxiety who cannot cope in mainstream. I think you need to be calling for an emergency review of his EHCP and saying that the school is not suitable and not meeting his needs as he can't attend. It sounds like he needs to be somewhere much more smaller and nurturing. You need someone from the LA attending to advise where else you can consider. Good luck. Its really bloody hard.

DS absolutely has a PDA profile. He is also unable to articulate what the issues are preventing him going to school other than the hustle and bustle, noise etc.

There are no ASD schools in our county sadly.

Your DS sounds similar to mine.

DS couldn’t integrate back to school after the second lock down, he was in year 8 by that point. The school put into place everything they could but they couldn’t change the environment or teaching style to meet his needs.
He started specialist placement in year 9, we knew the mainstream placement would breakdown so had submitted an appeal in preparation.

You stated there are no ASD schools in your area, how about in a neighbouring LA? Could you also look into small nurturing independent schools, the small classes may be a better environment.

this ^
i was about to suggest about putting him in "isolation" to his benefit though?!

offer him a room - in school, safe so you can work and he can work through anxiety at his own pace with his own work/music/room

You need to ask the LA for an early review of the EHCP. If DS hasn’t attended for most of Y7 that should have happened before now.

While the EHCP is being amended the LA should be providing alternative provision and anything else specified and quantified in section F. Are they?

Do you think a mainstream independent with appropriate support would work?

It doesn’t solve the unsuitability issue, but unless the school is wholly independent being full is not enough of a reason to refuse to name your preference. The LA has to prove the school is so full admitting DS is incompatible. The bar is high, higher than an “adverse effect”, “impact on” or “prejudicial to”. And the LA can, and must, name the school regardless of the school’s objections unless they can. Although as you say, the LA may force you to Tribunal.

Are there any ASD ARPs within travelling distance?

Have you considered EOTAS? You cannot be compelled to facilitate the provision even if that means the LA have to fund someone else to do so/be the second adult e.g. a TA/PA/mentor etc. It doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of contact with peers.

Would you consider boarding?

Does the EHCP contain MH therapies?

The meeting focus was based on getting DS in to school. I queried a SEN placement but I was told they are all full.

School are going to re try the steps we’ve already been through and which DS refuses to do. Overall, a waste of time. However, I can’t blame the school for DS refusal to try what they offer.

@TrippinByTheSea my sons SENCO was really negative about my chances of getting DS a specialist placement. We did submit an appeal but our LA conceded on placement early on in the process so we didn’t actually have to go to to tribunal.
Keep looking for a better placement for your DS and get yourself into a position to appeal.

I could have written this about my DS 4 years ago, you have my upmost sympathy because it is horrendous.

I ended up getting my MP involved and the LA finally found him a place at an out of county independent specialist provision after I threatened legal action for their failures.

It's an expensive placement and they have transport costs to pay as well but that's their problem for having no suitable provision for academically able children with ASD.

DS is now year 10 and thriving, they gave us our boy back after years of struggle at home.

Please call an emergency review of his EHCP and get school to state that they can't meet his needs.

What's the cause of the anxiety? That needs addressing, not just accepting.

Also ask to join the group Educational Equality on Facebook. They have some very knowledgeable people on there and you can get local recommendations.

Also no amount of reduced timetables/ear defenders etc will sort this. He needs to be in a small, specialist setting with staff who understand him and peers with similar needs.

Do you have medical reports confirming that your DS is unable to go into school for medical reasons? If so, you should push for EOTAS (Education otherwise than at school - i.e. home tuition). It needn't actually be at your home, you could push for another venue such as a room in a library, and it could be a mix of face to face and online tuition. You could ask for EOTAS to be in the EHCP, but the LA can only agree to that if there is not appropriate school at all.

Have you looked at independent special schools? Might something like a weekly residential placement ultimately be a possibility?

It doesn't take 6-12 months to get to tribunal, though admittedly at the moment it's slow. Appeals being registered now are being listed for hearing around November.

The fact that SEN placements are full is not in itself a valid reason for refusing a place, assuming they are maintained schools, academies, or schools on the Department for Education's s41 list. They can only refuse places if the school is unsuitable to the child's age, ability or aptitude, or the placement would be incompatible with efficient education of others or the efficient use of resources.

Have you considered a non selective private school? They are generally smaller than state secondaries and will be cheaper than a special needs school from the council perspective. If a smaller school with smaller classes is enough to make school suitable then it may be worth a look?

Ask for an early review of the EHCP and name a SS as your preference. Unless the school is wholly independent on its own being full isn’t a lawful reason to refuse to name your preference. The bar to prove incompatible is higher than many think.

What's the cause of the anxiety? That needs addressing, not just accepting.

for many autistic young people the mainstream environment itself is the cause of anxiety. And even with reasonable adjustments and an EHCP, it won't work.

TrippinByTheSea. My Ds was similar although he continued to attend his secondary, despite struggling massively. He was bullied and did not want to look different. He also can't ask for help.

He's now in a specialist placement despite being able academically. I can't say that the transition has been all plain sailing. But all professionals involved agreed that mainstream was not right for him and he needed the input of specialist.

I think you definitely need an early AR. As the EHCP is not working for your Ds.

Getting his EHCP reviewed urgently is definitely something to push for. Given how long the process is taking at the moment, I assume it was put into place in Primary school and his needs would have changed significantly with the change of environment.

My son had similar issues at 13/14, we exhausted all avenues, so l deregistered him. HE has really suited him, it is possible to do it without using online schools or tutors, there is so much information now online, my son is self taught, l brought him the revision books for IGCSE' s on Amazon, he basically did the rest, lots of excellent academic videos on youtube, he passed exams in Autumn, sat in a local college as a private candidate, achieved all top grades, no problem.
He is working part time at weekends now, alongside studying.
You find once school is removed, anxiety levels finally have a chance to go down, look at deschooling this is a critical part of HE and reason why so many struggled with it during covid. My son has time to study other subjects such as computor programming, and he now works out most days, he has completely turned around to how he was. Obviously you still need to pay attention to mental health, sleep, diet and exercise is crucial, learn all you can about anxiety and panic attacks.
Sometimes as hard as it is you just have to draw a line under school, there are other ways, just not as common.
Not fine at school website is helpful, so many parents in same boat.

Honestly @TrippinByTheSea I'd push for a school that helps what you do know are his anxiety triggers - noise, numbers, need for more support. You absolutely can and should blame your local education authority for not meeting his needs, and go outside the school to get better solutions.

My dd improved massively when she moved to a smaller, less noisy school - I guess you must feel it's a devil and deep
blue sea choice - lose his friends to perhaps get better support at school.

A tutor 1:1 could work with your ds after school or during school time at school if he would go into somewhere quiet to work with a tutor online?

wouldn’t deregister and EHE. If DC cannot attend school then EOTAS is available which still leaves the LA responsible for provision.

OP
If you are not able to home educate him then you need to ask for an emergency review of his EHCP. You need to identify a school that will meet his needs and name that. Maybe he will need to travel out of county. In the meantime, he will have to continue to attend his school or have tuition at home. However, this will mean that it will impact on your work unless you work from home or are part time. You could ask that he does some work on his own and not in class with others. However, the school cannot help your ds if he refuses to be helped.

However, this will mean that it will impact on your work unless you work from home or are part time.

Not necessarily. Parents cannot be compelled to organise, facilitate or deliver EOTAS packages even if that means the LA have to fund someone else to do that. The LA are the ones who retain responsibility. Some parents whose DC have EOTAS packages manage to secure a full time TA/PA/mentor etc. so they can continue to work full time outside of the home.

Many DC with EHCPs, especially those with PDA profiles, struggle to engage with support. It means the support isn’t meeting their needs and needs changing so they can engage with support.