anxiety is the worst it's ever been

[crosstunink]

Just that really. I know I need help. I really, really don't want to take medication due to horrific experiences on various anti anxiety meds and anti depressants when I was younger. I know I need CBT or something but when I spoke to my GP he said the waiting list was long and I should just take meds. I've always been an anxious person but at the moment it's completely out of control. It mainly centres around death and dying (either me dying or people I live). I'm too anxious to get in a car or fly - I'll only walk or take the train. I'm too anxious to go on holiday, partly because of the travel aspect but also because I worry my house will burn down while we're away. I'm too afraid to let grandparents have my DS overnight (he's 4 and he's stayed with them loads before, this is a recent worry and nothing to do with either set of grandparents because both are lovely) because I'm worried there'll be a fire, or some other disaster, they won't watch him properly, he'll choke etc. I'm afraid to stay in the house alone with DS while DH is away with work (happens once or twice a month) because I'm afraid I'll have an accident or die and DS won't know what to do. Every time DH takes DS out I'm convinced they'll get run over or attacked. I don't like to go to tourist attractions because I'm afraid of terrorism. Every time I have even a vague health worry I'm afraid it's cancer or another life threatening illness. I want another baby but I'm too afraid of dying in childbirth and leaving my DS without a mother. I don't sleep. Every night when I lie in bed I get tight chested and feel I can't breathe. GP gave me some diazepam which I was OK taking as it was a short term thing but it did absolutely nothing whatsoever.

I know all of the above is irrational. I know it but I can't make myself believe it and it stops me doing so many things. It's ruining my life and I don't understand why it's suddenly got so much worse.

Has anyone had CBT? Did it help? I had six sessions on the NHS years ago and I found it almost totally useless. Is it worth trying again? I've had years and years of various other types of therapy and counselling.

I didn't rate CBT.
No advice I just wanted to say this sounds shit.
You must be exhausted.
sorry you're having such a bad time 💐

I didn't rate CBT either but I had it on the NHS and I found my therapist a bit rubbish. I'm wondering if it would be better if I had some private sessions.

My anxiety was absolutely terrible too op and I had private sessions. It was amazing. I still get anxious about things but anxiety as an actual condition- haven't had it at all in nearly a decade. The right therapist is life-changing.

I know you don't want to take medication but could you try one that you've not tried before? Sertraline is very good for anxiety. GP would probably recommend staying on it for 6 months and then having some talking therapy like CBT or maybe something different?

I'm not clued up about the latest medication (some knowledge of older ones) but have you tried recent ones and had side effects from those?

I was on sertraline for about seven months after my son was born and it was hell to be honest. I really don't seem to react well to meds.

In terms of drugs have a look at amino acids and see if they help at all. I find L Tyrosine works amazingly for me but from research it looks like people take a combination.
L Tyrosine reduces my anxiety and OCD symptoms whilst removing brain fog and giving focus, energy, drive and the ability to feel happy - it worked pretty much from the first Tabley

This all sounds completely overwhelming, but I can relate
I really don’t think that CBT will have a lasting impact, certainly not the number of sessions generally offered on the NHS

With this degree of anxiety and the impact on your life, in the first instance, I think a review with a psychiatrist might be a good idea (I speak from experience). Not only for a medication review, but this may open up options to other psychological therapies

I appreciate that you’ve had lots of therapy and counselling, as did I - and it had little impact until I engaged with the “right” therapist at the right time and stuck with her for a long, long time. This was a huge financial commitment and I sacrificed lots to pay for it, but I don’t regret a penny of it, it literally changed my life

I’m currently going through a hugely challenging period in my life (bereavement, plus health scare) and while it’s anxiety provoking, I’m coping, putting one foot in front of the other. I couldn’t have functioned, pre- therapy (with the right therapist for me)

Thinking if you and sending love, it’s incredibly hard ❤️

Oh I'm so sorry.this must be agonising to have in your head every day.can you go private.dont worry about therapy nor being the one,it's so random but DO KEEP trying different people until u click.youll find one.
Has their been a recent trigger.or not recent?
Have you tried mindfulness and meditation. This books was great for calming those thoughts. You don't need to follow as a course just read as u want to.the things I learnt it it saved my mind.i still use the techniques.
www.amazon.co.uk/Mindful-Way-through-Stress-Well-Being/dp/1462509401
Tara brach does great free videos and talks.
Print what you've said on here and shove it in a god face.saying please.im in crisis help!
Also check out the betterhelp site.
This will continue to spiral op.each day a new fear or compulsion added to outweigh the other.you need help.you deserve help.this is not your fault.youve a poorly mind that's hit critical.tou deserve peace.
Do you have support.wirh mental illness that is key.
Any local support groups.
Anything that helps?

Brill post.agreed.
Sorry your going through it again.but I'm so glad your trying/ coping by using outward not it funelling and sending you spiralling inwardly.this is so good.be proud you've managed this.

No real advice, but I can relate. At my worst I was like you describe. Things aren't as intense now generally but am going through a bad patch at the mo. Recently went away for 4 days and was so anxious about my partner collapsing and my 3yo not knowing what to do. I made DP check in regularly with me so I knew they were ok. At points in my life I wouldn't have been able to go at all.

I won't go into all my worries, but like you they centre around dying. Used to be me and loved ones dying but now it's primarily family, I seem to have mostly got over the worry about myself!

I don't get on with meds either. I've tried them all over last 25 years. I do take amitriptyline for something unrelated which helps with sleep a bit and diazepam when really needed.

Had lots of therapy, mostly not helpful. Honestly the thing that has helped most is self help techniques, mindfulness, self talk etc. I've read a lot!

I hope you find something that helps, as it's like living in hell.

I'm sorry. I know how utterly awful it can be. My GP prescribed me Klonopin and Zopiclone, which worked wonders, especially the Klonopin. I took half at night and slept properly for the first time in years. I then googled them, and what do I find – both have been strongly linked to cancer! I just couldn't **ing believe it. I literally sat in front of the screen with my mouth open for about ten minutes and then burst into tears. So now I'm back to square one.

And yes, I know that nowadays everything is linked to cancer. But these claims have been based on serious research.

Your post was me about 5 years ago. All of it! Mine got so bad that I stopped cooking because I thought I would cut or stab myself with a knife and I slowly stopped going to the supermarket just because I didn't want to get in the car and drive in case I died or there was a terrorise attack. It was like being in a prisoner in my own head.

I had CBT but got lucky with a good therapist and got the full 12 sessions. They did a lot of exports therapy for me, with the therapist scheduling appointments for two towns over to make me drive there. I was so desperate to get better that I did it. Over and over again.
CBT just scratches the surface. I had lots of unresolved and buried trauma that they just left there, and they gave me coping strategies for the anxiety which did help.
I eventually got better from that 'episode' and I'm somewhat the opposite now, because I'm so desperate live in a sense, I do bloody everything, I took a 2 year old up a small mountain at the weekend, I definitely got better.

I'm now addressing the original deep rooted trauma which causes the anxiety through EMDR therapy, given by a psychiatrist through the weight loss service. I don't think I could of got it on the NHS any other way.

As others have said, it's life changing getting the right one.

I'm a nutshell I would say CBT is great for those who have situational anxiety, brought on by their current life situation and stresses etc, and psychological therapy is better for those whose anxiety relate to trauma.

I hope this helps x

• exposure therapy is what I meant to say!

I feel I have a lot of trauma that needs to be unpicked but I don't even know where to start really

I'm sorry OP

I think when it's this severe, that medication is really needed to bring you to a place you can access therapy

The anxiety is all-consuming right now. I agree with the recommendation of getting to see a psychiatrist who can consider suitable medications.

I didn't experience anxiety to anything like the degree you mention but it was pretty frightful & at my worst point I wasn't sleeping at all (maybe 1 hour or so, often on the kitchen floor). I took Escitalopram for a number of years, then I started taking HRT which helped hugely.

But in the meantime I started seeing a counsellor who I'm still seeing & like a PP despite being in a truly awful period in my life right now (horrendous work situation, nightmare divorce, abusive ex, challenging finances) I'm coping - step by step, and when the panic rises I can address it.

I hope you can get help soon 💐

I really really can't do meds. They made me suicidal last time I took them. And while I feel awful right now, I'm not suicidal.

I think you need to find a really good private psychotherapist and start talking with them about the best course of treatment.

Do you have any community Facebook groups where you could anonymously ask for recommendations of a good therapist? I am not an expert but I think a psychotherapist rather than a counsellor is the way to go. I say this as I have a friend and a family member who are both counsellors and I would not recommend to anyone to visit either of them. You really need to find someone who "gets" you.

Best of luck with it all - it can and will get better

You might want to think about acupuncture. If you do it, make sure it's a highly qualified acupuncturist. It can help.

Not all meds will do that. There are options.

I can't risk feeling suicidal when I have a young child Earrings.

But you don't have to.

You've been given really good suggestions here, including seeking specialist psychiatric advice & looking at a new drug regime

It is not the case that all meds will have the same side effect (and suicidal ideation is a rare complication of anti-anxiety meds.)

Your choices now are affecting your family.

Sertraline, citalopram, duoloxetine and fluoxetine. Tried them all, they all made things worse. Meds are not the answer for me.

I agree with others that psychotherapy, private psychiatry and finding a therapist I can work with long term will be key. I have made an appointment to see a private psych early next week.

Oh you poor thing.
I was in the same position with my youngest was 4 too.
The anxiety can spiral when immersed in it.
At the time I was prescribed escitalopram, just 5 mg. I had no idea about it and swigged it with a coffee and in about half an hour I felt like I was on ecstasy. It was awful, however it passed and the next day I didn’t get that feeling, each day got better.
It was a good drug for me. Took it for 1 year then weaned off with no ill effects.

A few years later I had another episode of anxiety and for some reason I was prescribed citalopram which was absolutely horrific and felt suicidal which was new to me and terrifying, I came off them within a few days under my Gp’s advice.
My point is not everything works for everyone, we all have different chemistry.

All the standard advice is excellent too, exercise daily, even a walk in the fresh air, new things to look at, good diet eating whole foods, rest time, happy music time, comedy videos, connecting with friends, spending time with people you love.

Its not surprising, we have anxiety, the world and media tell us we need to be frightened all the time. Look at the last two years.
You can get some CBT books and online if you can’t get a real person.
You can get through this, it’s bloody hard but try to do one day at a time and remember all the times you’ve done something and you were ok xxx