What improved your quality of life, so much, you wish you did it sooner?

[piddocktrumperiness]

For me it's a few things:
-Learning what past trauma is and how it plays out in relationships
-Learn to say no to things and people and not feel bad about it
-Realising no one really notices or cares what I do or look like; felt liberated to not always wear lots of makeup, dress in a new outfit or have my roots done, or eat out alone, or do anything alone.
-Not watching much current tv and picking up a book instead
-Listening to James O' Brien on LBC ( I know he's not everyone's cup of tea- but I learned alot)
-Waking up v early to have some me time. This was hard as I was a night owl for many years.
-Declutter and only buy when I need something. To be honest this started as I had to downsize to an empty flat after my divorce and am on not much money but it has helped with not worrying about possessions and all the cleaning involved.
-Divorce my ex husband- biggest impact haha

What improved yours?

@TheChosenTwo - my favourite 90mins of the day between 5.30-7. I used to dream of the day I had teenagers and could lie in. Didn’t account for getting a dog and being on pain meds so means lying in causes me a day of worse pain. Not one for staying up late anyway so still get a good 6-7hrs.

Singing. Didn’t start until my early 40s and surprised to find I’m quite good at it. I sing in a well thought of choir which had sorted out my asthma and I’ve met some wonderful people.

Sea swimming about 20 minutes drive from home. Went today and it was glorious.

Getting a dog. I mean how could anyone resist her?

I stopped checking my emails when on holiday. Bliss!

Realising that work doesn’t have to be agony. I finally left a job/career that I hated, made me sick and anxious and miserable. I was so consumed with the agony of this job that I was a distant mother and wife. I wasted so much time on something that ultimately meant nothing. And I can’t even blame others for this. It all came from me. I was fulfilling all that was expected of me, yet I wasn’t fulfilled. Never. Again.

Not drinking so much. I say not drinking ‘so much’ because as others have said, I was that wine o’clock mum. I drank more as a new mum than I did in Uni/early 20s. That mum booze culture was so prevalent when I had my boys. It makes the shit job one hundred times worse, it makes babies and toddlers waking early intolerable, it makes you grumpy, anxious and bloated. I only have a drink some weekends and special occasions. And not necessarily always. I don’t miss it.

Sobriety. Necessary and life changing.

Leaving a job after a significant amount of time where the new boss who came in didn't value me at all. Took a lot of courage but was so the right thing to do.

Not caring what people think of me (as long as I know I'm behaving right and doing things in good faith).

Met DH . Married for 31 years.

I recognise a lot of what many have already said 😊

• Getting divorced (after meeting someone else). My life is full of love, hope for the future and I’ve also sorted my finances out after struggling for years


• Working like stink during the lockdowns on our garden, bathrooms and kitchen. Our house is now transformed and it also was v helpful as a way to just get through it all and have something to focus on.


• I’m far far less engaged in my job now which has resulted in me being promoted and earning more than I ever have. Weird but good.


• Hybrid working - makes annoying people in afore-mentioned job less annoying…


• Walking every day.


• Getting a dishwasher


• Getting a cleaner who also does our ironing - praise be


• Not knowing anything about gardening but giving it a go - it’s a work in progress but if something dies then I pull it up and put something else there.


• CBD sleep drops


• Saving money and having a realistic plan to retire early


• Mostly not shopping for clothes in sales and buying what I actually want/like at full price. Saves me loads of money overall.


• Getting a rescue kitten

I’m much happier in my 40s than my 20s/30s, it’s really fab.

Having CBT and trauma therapy, my mindset & life is completely different, so much so I took a huge leap of faith earlier this year and applied for a job that I always wanted to do but never had the confidence, I’m now waiting to start the role and hopefully it will be the start of the career that I’ve always wanted.

p.s this is probably my most favourite thread! So positive & is giving me some good inspiration!

How did you all work out what you like doing?

In my head I know what I want - I think. But then the reality of the life I want eludes me.

For me I had a look what was available in my area and just tried different things. I also started saying yes to things/new experiences people would offer.

I now like: meditation, yoga, pilates, cycling, art and crafts, reading club and complementary therapy 😀

Becoming a Christian. I come from a non religious family but learning about Jesus for myself and following Him is the best thing I ever did.
Way down the list but still really important - marrying my husband. We drive each other nuts because we are polar opposites, but he grounds me.
Having my children. Love them.
And (sorry for this) having one glass of wine every evening.... (and a bag of crisps).

For those that moved away from the UK- what about life there that has improved your quality of life?

^

Honestly, I cannot praise living abroad enough.

The weather is better. Therfore more opportunities to be outdoors.
People are less aggressive.
People are less concerned about branded stuff / image. Shopping isn't seen as an activity.
Cheaper coster of living.
There isn't the insane drinking culture like the UK.
Class system isn't as set.
Heavily subsidised nurseries available to all. Which means women can work. Which means women are financially independent. This is enormously important, as we know!
Less sexism.
More of a focus on outdoors, whole food eating.
Not much anti - intellectualism going on.

Live in Canada. Can't praise it enough.

Starting hrt a few months ago and my brain fog has gone and that feeling of doom and gloom gone and slowly getting my mojo back. Also moving into a brand new apartment which is really big and I threw out so stuff before I moved which helped with this new place as not cluttered at all. Staying single as less drama and hassle in my life.

Having both bunions done when I turned 55. Made such a massive difference to my daily quality of life. Wish I'd done it when I was 35.
Discovered that even a total of 30 mins a week undulating on the rebounder does make a difference. It has improved my overall muscle tone without triggering a chronic fatigue crash.

following as I need some ideas!

Can't tag the pp who asked what I drink now...

At the pub? Flavoured tonic.
At home in an evening - decaf tea
During the day - iced coffee/water

I run a lot and love outdoor swimming. Both of which I need a lead head for, and they give me a clear head too.

Divorcing my ex husband.

Getting together with DP. I had known him for a few years.

Not sure either would have worked out as well if done sooner, though.

Singing, running, HRT.

…and pelvic floor exercises!

• Getting a cleaner, which I have now had to give up because everything is getting so expensive and my wage has bearly risen in my current role.
• Hybrid working, which my employer is now trying to take away.

Antidepressants - help so much with my social anxiety.
Realising how much I need routines and habits.
A bedtime routine.

Realising that I did not have to do what society society expects. Ie live together have children. We can still have children. Be together but live separately. I can't ever imagine living with anyone full-time.

Finding the right medication for my migraines - life changing. I no longer have to spend 2 days in bed every 3-5 weeks moaning in pain.

Exercising every day and eating healthily, largely cutting out crap and only having the occasional drink - I walk for miles and it has improved all areas of my life - I feel strong, mentally alert, sleep better, libido has improved which has by extension meant dh and I are much happier together and don't argue as much! Dh often walks with me too and I feel like we have become much closer.

Having a much more "Laissez Faire" approach to life in general. This I think has come with age also. I used to tie myself in knots keeping the house spotless, preparing home cooked meals most nights and running around after others. I don't any more if I don't want to and spend a lot more time just doing what I enjoy. As the long as the house is relatively clean and tidy I don't let it bother me. That's been a huge benefit to my mental health.

Practicing mindfulness. When I'm feeling a bit down, overthinking something or if someone has said something nasty for example I just stop, take a breath and think about the world around me, look outside to the garden and watch the birds, be thankful for my children, my health, dh etc and remind myself that we're all but specks of dust in the grand scheme of things really and that not that much in life but the basics is important. Ive found a way to control my moods instead of letting them spiral like i used to.

Radio 4, Radio 5 Live and LBC radio.

Spotify.

Microwave rice in packets kept in the store cupboard.

My times tables (finally learnt in lockdown with DC)