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Original poster

It my first wedding anniversary and I feel sad

40 replies

bloodywhitecat · 22/05/2022 09:39

No one has said "Happy anniversary!". No cards, no nothing. I understand why. He died 3 months ago but I would love someone to acknowledge the day.

OP posts:
Antarcticant · 22/05/2022 09:42

Happy anniversary, OP.

So sorry for your loss Flowers

It would be my guess that your friends and family are afraid of upsetting you/don't know what to say, rather than that they don't care.

I hope your day is filled with wonderful memories of your wedding a year ago.

granhands1 · 22/05/2022 09:43

Oh love, happy anniversary darling. Thinking of you on your special day xxx

whatthehelldowecare · 22/05/2022 09:43

Happy anniversary OP!

I cannot imagine how hard today must be for you, I'm so sorry. If you feel able, you should make today as nice as it can be for yourself. Even if that's just a takeaway and a bottle of wine tonight, reminiscing over your wedding album.

Sending all the love in the world

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Events & celebrations
Assistanttotheregionalmanager · 22/05/2022 09:44

Happy Anniversary - how 💔. Be kind to yourself today.

YorkieTheRabbit · 22/05/2022 09:44

I’m sorry for your loss 💐
to be honest, it really wouldn’t occur to me to say happy anniversary after you lost your dh. I would check that you were ok though x

FlibbertyGiblets · 22/05/2022 09:45

Happy Anniversary, bwc.
Do you feel able to tell us about your wedding day?
[UnMumsnetty hug]

Chasingsquirrels · 22/05/2022 09:45

Oh it's rubbish bloodywhitecat, big hugs for you and happy wedding anniversary.

I've been there, pretty much the same timing, and my 6th wedding anniversary is fast approaching.

All I can say is that time is a great healer.

puppydustbin · 22/05/2022 09:46

I am so sorry.

Flowers

People are always so scared of doing the wrong thing that they often do nothing, but doing something is always better in my experience.

Do you have anyone with you today?

CheshireCats · 22/05/2022 09:47

Happy Anniversary op!
I agree, people might think it inappropriate/upsetting to send you cards. They would be worried about upsetting you more I think.
I hope, amongst the sadness, you will be able to reflect on the good memories too. I am so sorry for your loss 💐

MissyCooperismyShero · 22/05/2022 10:47

Happy anniversary BWC. I remember you getting married last year and I am so sorry things have turned out like this for you and so quickly. Hope today is as good as it can be x

RandomMess · 22/05/2022 10:59
Flowers

Happy Anniversary

Mr & Mrs Bloodywhitecat

Forever in your heart ❤️

doodleygirl · 22/05/2022 11:02

Happy anniversary, I hope you can spend the day thinking about your darling husband, ❤️

Mischance · 22/05/2022 11:09

What a sad time you have had. I can understand why no-one has commented, as the usual happy anniversary cards and comments do not feel right.

The anniversary after my OH died was ignored in the main, and I felt OK with that - I did not think I could cope with people making a big deal out of it - even though it was a big anniversary.

I honestly think that people are just struggling as to how to mark this date without making you feel worse - it is a difficult decision. It does not mean they do not care.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 22/05/2022 11:17

Happy anniversary. So sorry for your loss

Dinoteeth · 22/05/2022 11:17

I'm sorry Op,

Finding words is so hard, Happy Anniversary just doesn't sound right, people probably just don't know what to say.

Lolllllllllllll · 22/05/2022 13:53

I really wouldn't read anything wrong with this. People won't necessarily remember the date and, if they do, might well think its inappropriate to say anything.

Also, lots of people never acknowledge other people's weddings. I certainly don't.

Why don't you talk to one of your friends or family and let them know that you are feeling especially low today. It's hardly surprising, it's still very early days.

I'm so sorry for your loss

Jumpking · 22/05/2022 13:58

Oh, my heart goes out to you.

Happy anniversary dear one.

You've been on such an emotional rollercoaster this year, it seems. Sending you huge hugs.

I agree with PP who think your friends don't know what to say, if they should say anything.

Death is so hidden in our society and people just don't know how to behave around it. Your friends probably think they're loving you by not acknowledging the anniversary.

Unless they have experienced a death of a loved one, people just don't get that acknowledging the loss is far better than not acknowledging the person was ever there and is now gone.

Huge hugs dear one.

NoSquirrels · 22/05/2022 14:01

Oh bwc, I recognise and remember all your posts about your wonderful husband and how you’d found happiness with each other and your family, and his illness and death.

Happy anniversary. It’s not the length of a marriage that’s important, it’s the love within it. Love endures. Flowers

TigerLilyTail · 22/05/2022 14:05

Have you tried reaching out to people IRL?

Maybe texting or calling someone or posting something on social media. I’m sure friends and family will be supportive if they knew how you are feeling.

stepuporshutup · 22/05/2022 14:05

Happy Anniversary my lovely have you any plans for today have you got someone with you today. I remember your previous posts and how happy you were. ❤xx

easyday · 22/05/2022 14:07

People probably don't want to remind you as they think it might come across as insensitive. I don't recall anyone other than maybe my in laws ever sending us an anniversary card, and certainly not after my husband passed away (just before our seventh).

Mumdiva99 · 22/05/2022 14:17

I remember you getting married. Happy Anniversary. Have you got a bottle of fizz (small maybe if you are on your own with the little ones). I'll raise a glass to your DH and you tonight.
(I think others might be worried about upsetting you rather than uncaring).

(Fwiw - it's my 3rd wedding anniversary this week...my OH and I only remember because my mum reminds us every year!! Lol. Whilst we love being married we just aren't anniversary people.....it would never enter my mind to congratulate friends on their anniversaries.....I appreciate its a bit different for you.)

uncomfortablydumb53 · 22/05/2022 15:14

I remember your posts too, and your love for your DH and your amazing strength throughout tough times
It's bittersweet, I know, but love is not measured in years
My thoughts are with you today
I think your friends and family haven't marked your anniversary simply because they don't know what to say, not that they don't careFlowersWine

Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 22/05/2022 15:26

Thank you. We had a wonderful wedding just as lockdown started to lift last year. We had our adult children and his family attend then, after the ceremony, we hit the village pub for drinks and a meal together. He was so happy. So so happy. He cried that night as he couldn't quite believe we'd managed to pull it all together. We knew we wouldn't have a lifetime together but we hoped we would have longer than we did.

Today I have taken the small people (we are foster parents) to Wicksteed Park with my DD and son in law, now we are sitting in a riverside pub remembering what a good bloke he was.

OP posts:
yourestandingonmyneck · 22/05/2022 15:43

Happy Anniversary Flowers

I recognise your username. I remember some of your previous posts. You and your DH both sound so lovely and I was so very sad when he passed away earlier this year.

Sending lots of love XxX