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Original poster

Ex wanting to take children abroad

41 replies

Xbanded · 21/05/2022 17:41

We’ve been split about 2 years, mostly amicable towards each other which is nice. We both have ‘new’ relationships. He’s told the DC that they’re going on holiday abroad with him and his partner and her DC.
The DC haven’t been away from me for more than a couple of days their whole lives. I’m feeling anxious about them going as I wouldn’t even consider going abroad at the moment given all the stuff happening in the world.
I obviously can’t/won’t stop him taking them-I know I can’t-but I’m really anxious about it. The DC are 7 and 10

OP posts:
RandomMess · 21/05/2022 17:45

Perhaps you need to start with them staying with their Dad for longer periods of time from now on?

Therapy for you?

CandyApplePie · 21/05/2022 17:45

Yabu

FinnRussell · 21/05/2022 17:46

Where is he wanting to take them?

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Relationship problems
Nicknacky · 21/05/2022 17:47

What exactly are you anxious about?

PeekAtYou · 21/05/2022 17:48

If there's enough time, can you have a longer practice run over half term /jubilee weekend? At 7 and 10, it's not unreasonable for kids to spend a week or two with dad.

worraliberty · 21/05/2022 17:48

There's always stuff happening in the world! If you think like that, you'll never do anything.

Josette77 · 21/05/2022 17:51

Why don't they spend longer time with their dad?
Given thier ages I think therapy is a good idea..

Original poster
Xbanded · 21/05/2022 17:53

We have them 50/50 so it’s a 2 on 2/3 off arrangement.
I think it’s more the distance that’s bothering me rather than the length of time

OP posts:
Yika · 21/05/2022 17:55

Are you anxious about them, or is your anxiety more about you being separated from them, or more about things going on in the world?

i find it good that you recognise that they should be able to go. I also agree that a shorter break with him ahead of the holiday might be a good idea.

CandyApplePie · 21/05/2022 17:55

Xbanded · 21/05/2022 17:53

We have them 50/50 so it’s a 2 on 2/3 off arrangement.
I think it’s more the distance that’s bothering me rather than the length of time

Well he’s obviously very involved if he sees them 50/50 so yes you are in the wrong

Rickrollme · 21/05/2022 17:58

What exactly is “happening in the world” that you wouldn’t even consider leaving the country? Is your ex planning a trip to Mariupol??

Original poster
Xbanded · 21/05/2022 17:58

He’s only recently become this involved with them. Seems very much to impress the new partner as the DC rarely got any of his time when we were together. I basically brought them up on my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
Xbanded · 21/05/2022 17:59

Yika · 21/05/2022 17:55

Are you anxious about them, or is your anxiety more about you being separated from them, or more about things going on in the world?

i find it good that you recognise that they should be able to go. I also agree that a shorter break with him ahead of the holiday might be a good idea.

All of the above really

OP posts:
FinnRussell · 21/05/2022 17:59

Have either of you never taken them on holiday before separately? Agree with pp, there is always something going on in the world. There is no more danger going to most places abroad than staying at home. Your kids are going to grow up fast and want to spread their wings, I think you sound a bit anxious and you might want to try to figure that out before it's out of your control and cause stress for everyone.

cakeorwine · 21/05/2022 18:00

Have you ever had a holiday with your DCs?

7 and 10 year olds should be capable of spending a reasonable amount of time with each parent on holiday - in the UK or abroad

Honaloulou · 21/05/2022 18:02

It's very sad that your anxiety is stopping your children having fun.

Josette77 · 21/05/2022 18:04

I think the 2 on and 2/3 off is a hard arrangement. Can you switch to one week on, one week off?

Original poster
Xbanded · 21/05/2022 18:06

Josette77 · 21/05/2022 18:04

I think the 2 on and 2/3 off is a hard arrangement. Can you switch to one week on, one week off?

There’s no way he’d do that. He won’t even do that in the school holidays

OP posts:
Original poster
Xbanded · 21/05/2022 18:07

cakeorwine · 21/05/2022 18:00

Have you ever had a holiday with your DCs?

7 and 10 year olds should be capable of spending a reasonable amount of time with each parent on holiday - in the UK or abroad

We’ve been abroad before but both of us took them then

OP posts:
cakeorwine · 21/05/2022 18:11

Xbanded · 21/05/2022 18:06

There’s no way he’d do that. He won’t even do that in the school holidays

Show quote history

It would be hard for any parent to go from seeing their cards regularly during the week to seeing them for a week every other week.

Would you want to only see your DCs for a week every other week?

A few weeks holiday abroad is different.

Silvercurtains · 21/05/2022 18:13

When he has them does he take good care of them or does he have the girlfriend/relatives taking care of them and he’s just in the same room? Are you concerned he won’t be attentive enough to ensure their safety?

Original poster
Xbanded · 21/05/2022 18:17

Silvercurtains · 21/05/2022 18:13

When he has them does he take good care of them or does he have the girlfriend/relatives taking care of them and he’s just in the same room? Are you concerned he won’t be attentive enough to ensure their safety?

See I’m not sure? I’m pretty sure he’s chosen this girl on the basis she has DC and will do the lions share of things. Basically replaced me, who did everything with/for them in the past. When his parents are around, he does nothing and lets them take over. I’ve witnessed that for myself many many times

OP posts:
CandyApplePie · 21/05/2022 18:18

You obviously trust him to take care of them given he has them 50/50!

Yika · 21/05/2022 18:18

I think in your position I would research where they are going, have a plan in place in case of any emergency, and ask them to check in regularly.

Then perhaps plan some things for yourself to keep you distracted.

I can understand why you feel anxious but I think you once you have got through this difficult first holiday it will be quite liberating to be able to let go a bit.

cakeorwine · 21/05/2022 18:19

Do you think they will have a good time on holiday, enjoy spending time with their Dad and return safely to you?