Ex wanting to take children abroad

[Xbanded]

We’ve been split about 2 years, mostly amicable towards each other which is nice. We both have ‘new’ relationships. He’s told the DC that they’re going on holiday abroad with him and his partner and her DC.
The DC haven’t been away from me for more than a couple of days their whole lives. I’m feeling anxious about them going as I wouldn’t even consider going abroad at the moment given all the stuff happening in the world.
I obviously can’t/won’t stop him taking them-I know I can’t-but I’m really anxious about it. The DC are 7 and 10

The crucial thing is, do the kids want to go? If so and there's no safeguarding concerns then you need to let them go. Arrange a call/text schedule so you can be reassured

The 50/50 wasn’t my decision. It was his when he started the new relationship

Of course they want to go. And I said in the op that I wouldn’t be stopping them

So if you want them to go, this OP is about how you are going to handle things whilst they are away?

Will you be working?
Going away yourself?

They are 50/50. It is easier on kids not to move back and forth so much. Moving every two days is exhausting.

You could have said no? I’m guessing it isn’t court ordered

I’m sorry, I know it’s hard, but YABU.

I also have a 7 and 10 year old and also separated about two years ago. I’ve taken them abroad twice in that time, and on lots of short UK breaks. I’d be unimpressed if my ex tried to block me from doing that. When he takes them away, I book a holiday of my own and enjoy the quiet!

could you do that? Try to focus on the benefits for you?

I understand your fears. Saying ‘it’ll probably be okay’ isn’t going to make you feel better. When we were together my ex did nothing and I’ve raised them by myself. He now sees them a few hours every second week (his mum picks them up, takes them to her house where he sees them, she feeds them then brings them back to mine). A few years ago he was desperate to go on holiday, had no-one to go with so wanted to take our young children (well he mainly wanted to take the elder child who is easier to care for) and I refused to let him. It caused a big argument but I could not give a hoot. If he can’t even care for them overnight once a week by himself, I’m not trusting him to do it on an all inclusive holiday around strangers and water. He’s since gotten a girlfriend to go with and doesn’t ask to take them anymore. It’s not about parental rights. If he wants them for a week abroad so he can pose as a Disney dad, then he can take on more responsibilities with them in this country too. See if he’ll agree to keep them for a week in this country so you can feel more confident in him taking care of them abroad for a week. I bet you he’ll pass on the idea.

Having done residential kids camps, the worst thing for parents is when kids have homesickness and call home upset. I would try to get him to have them for longer before the holiday and also try to ease your mind if he'll send photos of them having fun during the day rather than you only hearing from them at bedtime when they might be feeling more sad.

If you can plan to do things while they're away, it might keep your mind off them not being with you.

OP, he doesn't sound great but if he's doing 50/50 and this new partner with DC of her own is going, I would probably trust the two of them between them to take good care of the DC.

Turns out it’s him, DC and his parents, so I’m pretty sure they’ll be lumped with them for most of the time

Well now there is no saying how the holiday will play out but the likelihood is the kids will be fine and benefit from the holiday. I recall getting myself all uptight because my ex was going camping/caravanning with his new partner and our 5 kids! They were using an awning for a couple of them to sleep in and I was freaking out. At the time I was a social worker in a childcare team. They ripped the you know what out of me for my anxiety! I was worried about abduction from the awning etc All these years later I still hold the same view but my children all safely grew into adulthood.

People aren't reading the post. OP is not trying to stop them going, that's not what the post is about. She's asking if she's BU to be ANXIOUS about it. You're not, OP. I'm divorced and I'd feel exactly the same - the thought of my child being in a foreign country and something happening while they're so far away makes me anxious too.

It is good that you recognise that you can't stop them from going. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself for the time they're away? See friends, make plans. It will whizz by.

The world is back to normal (in the main). I live in Spain , tourism is completely back to normal, no restrictions etc. They will be fine. You know YABU you need to flip your thinking , think if this a great opportunity for them and look forward to some you time.

Book nice things for when they are away, lunch with the girls, book a massage etc.

If there are sensible people around them (even if it's not their father!), I wouldn't worry too much.

The only things I'd be a little worried about would be sun protection and water (but my DC is younger and can't swim). I watch him like a hawk around swimming pools etc. and wouldn't let him go away with anyone who I didn't trust to do this as well and to make sure he is properly protected from the sun. Can your DC swim and do you trust him and his parents between them to supervise your DC appropriately?

This is actually a good thing. It means they have lots more adults looking out for them and they are more likely to have a good time.