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Original poster

Should I quit work?

51 replies

DueyCheatemAndHow · 21/05/2022 11:16

I'm really conflicted.

2 kids, 3.5 and 1.5. I find being with them both tough.
3.5 in preschool 15 hours a week (we don't qualify for 30)
Currently work 3 days a week as a teacher but having to work more to get the job done
We have a lovely nanny but I currently earn less than she costs us. We can afford this but it feels silly.
Looking to move house so it would give us more freedom of location.
Not in love with my school anymore, still enjoy actual teaching though.

I do enjoy going to work. But I can't get over the fact it's costing me money to do so. I could hand in my notice and leave at Christmas.

OP posts:
Reallyreallyborednow · 21/05/2022 11:20

It’s costing you money short term, yes. But what about long term?

once they’re at school in a few years your child care costs will reduce massively. If you quit now what will the impact be on your employability? Will you be able to get back into a job on the same hours, same pay etc? Will you have had a pay rise if you don’t quit?

add to that 2 or 3 years of lost employers pension contributions. I am civil service and that alone is a significant sum I’d lose out on.

presumably in a year or so when your eldest is in full time school it will be cheaper to pay for the extra hours at preschool or nursery.

it’s long term gain here.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 21/05/2022 11:22

No pay rise, I'm at the top of the main pay scale. Hadn't considered NI. Just feel so worthless that I'm costing us money.

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 21/05/2022 11:24

If you can afford it and you enjoy working then I would prioritise keeping your job. As PP said, in a few years time you won't have the same childcare needs and costs, so it's really short-term pain for long-term gain. And the pain is 'only' financial, whereas it sounds beneficial for your mental health to keep working too.

I work three days and would really struggle not to have that for myself.

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Childcare & nursery
dudsville · 21/05/2022 11:28

"YOU" are not costing your family money. Your and your partner's earnings come to x amount, the things you need to pay for (mortgage, petrol, food, heating, nanny, etc) cost y amount.

You risk losing your footing in employment, but given what you're written I would also really be consdiering it, but only as a temporary measure with the plan to review what I do for work. Not being employed is something a lot of people choose to do, but it has some serious concequences that, personally, I would not choose to sign up to.

Reallyreallyborednow · 21/05/2022 11:30

Just feel so worthless that I'm costing us money

are the childcare costs just yours then?

why isn’t the kids dad costing you money by not reducing his working hours and picking up the childcare when you are working?

it’s a shared cost. Long term your family will be better off with you working. The logic is exactly the same as for your dp.

don’t get this idea that only the mothers wages are factored in to child care costs.

and i don’t mean NI, i mean your teaching pension. Check your pay slip for your employers contributions and add that to your pay- it should be a reasonable chunk you’d lose.

MintyCedricRidesAgain · 21/05/2022 11:31

Honestly I probably wouldn't.

Presumably your oldest will be at school next year, and if are looking to move house perhaps you can find something in a new school.

It doesn't sound as though you'll be particularly happy at home full time and it may it be harder to get back into work than you imagine.

I gave up my school job (support role) last year due to personal circumstances. Started job hunting in January and finally was offered something last week.

I've never had to apply for more than 3 jibs to get something in the past...I wasn't being picky at all and probably apply for 3-4 jobs a week. Got several interviews and some great feedback but no offers and it's been quite soul destroying at times tbh.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 21/05/2022 11:31

I just feel so embarrassed. I'm spending money to be away from my kids - that's not normal is it?

If I went to 4 days a week I could look at management again which would put me on a lot more money

OP posts:
TATT22 · 21/05/2022 11:32

I wouldn’t want to work if it was costing me money to do so.

Also a teacher.

Hugasauras · 21/05/2022 11:35

DueyCheatemAndHow · 21/05/2022 11:31

I just feel so embarrassed. I'm spending money to be away from my kids - that's not normal is it?

If I went to 4 days a week I could look at management again which would put me on a lot more money

Don't be embarrassed! I'm about to be off on maternity leave for nine months and am I heck taking DD1 out of nursery Grin

You've found a balance that works for you and your family. The longer-term gains of staying employed often reap rewards too, such as pension and career progression. And that's aside from the mental health benefits that some people get from work.

Lavenderlast · 21/05/2022 11:35

Don’t quit just because of the short term financial cost: you’re also building your pension, and job security, and seniority, those things have financial value too. I’m a sahm with top quals and a ‘high flying’ CV and am finding it impossible to get job interviews even for ‘return to work’ schemes. Once you leave it can be very hard to get back into the job market.

Maybe at some point shop around for a higher paid job, eg private school? But there is no rush.

Given what you’ve said I worry that if you quit you would get depressed and resentful and that is bad for the whole family.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 21/05/2022 11:35

DH earns a lot, he couldn't do part time. But its a useful way to see it - thank you

OP posts:
Threetulips · 21/05/2022 11:36

In 18 months the other will qualify for 15 hours, of those 7 are your notice.
That leaves just one year of paying extra

Reallyreallyborednow · 21/05/2022 11:37

I just feel so embarrassed. I'm spending money to be away from my kids - that's not normal is it?

again, why is it all on you. Your dp is also spending money to be away from his kids. Why is that normal?

in the kindest way, you are being ridiculous. If you want to work, work. It will benefit you and your family long term.

get out if this mindest that you are costing money. Childcare is not your responsibility alone. How much does your dp contribute?

ICanSmellSummerComing · 21/05/2022 11:39

It's. Not Just about the money is it? It's about the sheer grueling time of trying to keep young children entertained!

Mental survival! What's that worth?
You still work, pay into. Pension...does it matter if right now your family expenses are higher In the short terms?

On the other hand, What about the children? What's best for them?
Sounds like a mix like you have now if you struggle with two babies

ChateauMargaux · 21/05/2022 11:41

It is not costing you money!!! This is a family cost. Your husband gets to walk out the door 5 days a week, be rewarded for his efforts and take no responsibility for his children. I might hazard a guess that he is in a career that rewards his efforts more than yours.. if not.. maybe he should be the one who stays home. It is also an investment in your future pension and earning potential. Teaching is different to other careers as it is more easy to return to after a break but generally, being part time and having a career break has an impact on your future earning capacity.

I will repeat.. it's the fact that you as a family choose to have children, that is costing you money, not the fact that you work. If you choose not to work, as you already do for 2 days per week, your husband gets the benefit of your childcaring efforts for free. You facilitate his ability to work without having to take care of his children.

HamCob · 21/05/2022 11:41

Why do you not qualify for 30 hours OP?
I worked 2.5 days teaching and qualified?

BalloonsAndWhistles · 21/05/2022 11:42

Think of it as your DP paying you you bringing in 3 days a week extra pay. As PP have said, the childcare doesn’t all come down to you. My ex-husband tried that on me and I was too young and naive to see that he was talking shit.

TATT22 · 21/05/2022 11:45

I agree it’s a family cost but if family money is pooled as it should be surely it isn’t hard to see that it costs more to work?

In other words, if your combined incomes are say £4000 p/m with £1200 on childcare that obviously leaves you with £2800. But if without childcare combined incomes are £3200 then the family are better off without it.

Reallyreallyborednow · 21/05/2022 11:45

I’m a sahm with top quals and a ‘high flying’ CV and am finding it impossible to get job interviews even for ‘return to work’ schemes. Once you leave it can be very hard to get back into the job market

same here. I only took 3 years “out” but went from being consistently headhunted to having to apply for entry level jobs. I think it took nearly 6 months and 30 or 40 applications- finally got an entry level civil service job because I could work out the application process and hit those tick boxes. 5 years on and I’ve landed a new job paying roughly what I was on pre-kids.

i wish I had factored in the years of lost pension though. I would still have left my old job as I hated it but I wouldn’t have left the work environment.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 21/05/2022 11:46

DH doesn't pay to work, he earns - my net number is negative

OP posts:
Reallyreallyborednow · 21/05/2022 11:48

In other words, if your combined incomes are say £4000 p/m with £1200 on childcare that obviously leaves you with £2800. But if without childcare combined incomes are £3200 then the family are better off without it

only for 3 or 4 years. So you’d lose about £10k over that time- if you can’t get back into work once the kids are at school you start losing 20k a year instead of 4k.

plus Employers pensions can be 500 a month easily which cancels out the loss of childcare. Something so many women don’t consider.

TATT22 · 21/05/2022 11:49

It is only temporary, but teaching is perhaps a little easier than some jobs to get back into should you wish to.

EinsteinaGogo · 21/05/2022 11:49

DueyCheatemAndHow · 21/05/2022 11:22

No pay rise, I'm at the top of the main pay scale. Hadn't considered NI. Just feel so worthless that I'm costing us money.

You aren't costing 'us' money, OP.

Why do you feel this way?

Hugasauras · 21/05/2022 11:50

TATT22 · 21/05/2022 11:45

I agree it’s a family cost but if family money is pooled as it should be surely it isn’t hard to see that it costs more to work?

In other words, if your combined incomes are say £4000 p/m with £1200 on childcare that obviously leaves you with £2800. But if without childcare combined incomes are £3200 then the family are better off without it.

'Better off' in a purely financial sense. But that doesn't have to be the only consideration in life, does it? It might not end up being 'better off' for the family if OP doesn't enjoy being a SAHP.

Reallyreallyborednow · 21/05/2022 11:50

DH doesn't pay to work, he earns - my net number is negative

no. Your childcare costs come out of your family income- unless that’s a net negative it is not costing you money.

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