Should I quit work?

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

I'm really conflicted.

2 kids, 3.5 and 1.5. I find being with them both tough.
3.5 in preschool 15 hours a week (we don't qualify for 30)
Currently work 3 days a week as a teacher but having to work more to get the job done
We have a lovely nanny but I currently earn less than she costs us. We can afford this but it feels silly.
Looking to move house so it would give us more freedom of location.
Not in love with my school anymore, still enjoy actual teaching though.

I do enjoy going to work. But I can't get over the fact it's costing me money to do so. I could hand in my notice and leave at Christmas.

Why does the childcare costs come out of your money?

By that mentality - take it all out of his, and the you're quids in.

You earn, he earns, childcare gets paid.. apart from the days that you provide it for free.

You already took the burden of carrying and birthing your children as well as caring for them during your maternity leave. The burden of having children falls unevenly on women. Don't make this worse by accepting the emotional burden of having to justify your right to work if you want to work. Ot sounds like your husband's salary is perfectly sufficient to bear this cost.. mentally assign this cost to his side of the equation and free yourself from this guilt.. the narrative that he couldn't go part time because he earns too much traps you in this vicious circle where you don't prioritise your career. In a society that is already stacked against women, coupled with the biological inequalities that come with child bearing... don't take on the extra misplaced guilt. Especially when from your comments.. your family income is enough as it stands. If you were struggling to make ends meet.. it might be different and you would be trapped by the structual inequalities of our society.. you are not.. free yourself and free your children from perpetuating this misrepresentation of reality.

I think an ex-teacher won't have issues with employability.

Also it's very easy to become employed if you have skills and can show them. You do not need a recent work history, at all. I know this from experience.

OP has an expensive hobby.

I'd 100% quit that to focus on my children, because you never get that time back.

This tiresome old narrative.

A mother caring for her children is not "doing free childcare"

Neither would a dad be.

If a wage is negated because of a direct cost of going to that specific job, then that's what's happening.

Trying to infer and impose a financial system the OP is not using is just political.

She could stay with the children AND save money. It's a win/win.

Why do people on here think that a period out of work means you can never be employed again? It doesn't, not at all, if you have skills and marketability.

But it doesn't sound like OP actually wants to be a SAHP? So if they can afford it and it works for the family then what's the problem?

If she wants to be a SAHP then she should absolutely crack on. But plenty of women don't actually want to be SAHPs, just as plenty of men don't either.

From the fact you only get 15 hours of childcare, I'm guessing your husband earns over £100k. In which case, it is a no-brainer to keep working. Your joint income is presumably more than enough to comfortably pay for the nanny. Think of it that the cost of the nanny is worth it so your DH doesn't have to reduce his hours to part-time 😉

Yes DH earns (significantly) over 100k

So it's a no-brainer. It doesn't make sense for you to give up work completely for the sake of a couple of years of expensive childcare. So the nanny is worth every penny, as she saves your DH from having to reduce his working hours.

I can't help feeling we are moving into a society that doesn't value mother's, as main carer's at all.
It's a very American take and it's so sad. There is no respect for what a mother usually does.
I've had two DC and stayed at home with each until 5. I saw one stay at home dad in all that times, all the NCT,baby groups, toddler groups etc.
There is no respect for the huge decision to either terminate a pregnancy or choose to carry that child,the demand's on the body,the changes many women have to cope with after child birth,the gruelling hideous nights of illness, then having to entertain them the next Day when your on your knees.
The incredible costs.
All the ties and bounds that choosing to have a child brings isn't valued or supported really and I've seen many posts like ops.

She's left feeling inspite of these incredible choices she's made and responsibilities she has born, she's even part time working keeping background finance's ticking over and still...she feels the only contribution she's making here is a financial one.

😪

This is incredibly wrong and sad.

And yes as I mentioned earlier this is more than the money for op,it's a break!

I could hand in my notice and leave at Christmas

you can hand your notice in next week and leave in July.

Personally, I think you have to see this time as an investment. The childcare is the cost of keeping your career going and it won't last forever.

Teaching is probably easier than some careers to go back to, but I know I wouldn't be in the job I'm in now if I'd taken a complete break rather than working FT when DC were young.

As I'm now the only breadwinner for the family, as DH died, we be rather stuffed if I hadn't kept my earning ability. I always felt very uneasy at the idea of putting all the family's financial eggs in one basket for lots of reasons or in being dependant on someone else.

I didn't see this coming, but it would have been so much worse if I hadn't kept my career going.

*working PT when DC were small...

I went back to work part time and put my dc in nursery. It cost more than I earned as a social worker.
But it kept my career going, now my dc are teens and I have an interesting job to go to.
I would do the same again.

@Smartsub I'm so sorry for your loss. That's a cautionary tale indeed.

@Shinyandnew1 I'm in an independent school and we have to give a full term, so I'd have to hand in before end of this term for Dec.

I think it isn't helping that I struggle with the children. So I don't feel like I'm any use to anyone

You don't sound very happy in your job. Do you think you'd be happier being a sahm? It sounds like as a family you can afford not to work, and as a teacher you should not have trouble finding work in future, so I would quit if I were you. You can always go back to work again if you don't enjoy sah.

You'd easily get back into teaching but why give up if you don't want to be a SAHP? You'll be better off financially but that sounds immaterial to family finances but definitely unhappier. Sounds like brainier?

Just feel so worthless that I'm costing us money.

Seriously, women need to stop seeing childcare as just their expense. The narrative is all wrong.

As so many other have said, the childcare is the cost of you both going to work, at least half comes from DH's salary.

If he let's you feel "worthless" now, how will it be if you're not working?

Also it's very easy to become employed if you have skills and can show them. You do not need a recent work history, at all. I know this from experience

your experience is not everybody's. And this certainly wasn’t mine. It wasn’t easy to become employed at all after a few years out.

i grew up like pp in a family where my dad died and my mum was left financially responsible, having never worked post children. It’s pretty crap and I would never leave myself vulnerable in that way.

Life after teaching is a fab facebook group if you want the perspectives of those leaving teaching!

Also it's very easy to become employed if you have skills and can show them. You do not need a recent work history, at all. I know this from experience

This isn't the case in all sectors.

Of course it's normal!

Everything I earned during my dcs early years went on childcare. What that meant was that I kept myself in the workforce and was able to get a FT job I absolutely loved by the time they were in secondary school (in education).

Though my exH never saw it as me paying for childcare, he was the higher earner and the childcare came out of OUR income. He knew how important my career was to me.

Do NOT leave your job. At any point, if circumstances change, you could be the sole provider for your family, make sure you are in a position to do that.

Lots of teachers stop while their kids are small. It is one of the few careers you can do that in. You can obviously afford it - so if you wanted to stop while they were preschool age then go for it.

Conversely they are obviously well provided for so there isnt a problem if you want to work too!

I gave up teaching and do tutoring. Its a good hourly rate and I can do it in the evening when DH is home. If you're in a demand subject, especially science or maths, you could find tutees easily and it keeps your skills and subject knowledge up. When mine are both at school I'm planning to do a few terms of supply and then go back into the classroom.
But I didn't give up for financial reasons, I just didn't enjoy working with young children and preferred to spend time with them. If you don't actually want to be at home with the kids then don't!