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Original poster

Hurt

33 replies

purpleme12 · 20/05/2022 21:38

I have got bruises on my arm from bites from my child.
She's 8
How do you deal with violence?
I'm desperate.
Nothing works.
If I put her in her room she bangs on the door so it's more noise to annoy the neighbours so it's me that brings the brunt of it.
I don't know how we're going to get through life

Hurt
OP posts:
Maytodecember · 20/05/2022 21:46

Ouch, that looks painful.
Does your dc have special needs? That would be my starting point and work from there.

LIZS · 20/05/2022 21:46

Can you ask your gp or school for help in managing her behaviour? Has she ever been assessed?

Original poster
purpleme12 · 20/05/2022 21:49

I have spoken to school.
There is a 2 hour session for me for helping me manage children with difficulties managing emotions (I think that's what it is) but that's not till middle of June.
And she has 3 sessions with some person who works with children to help their mental health I think - they're in July!!!

OP posts:
LIZS · 20/05/2022 21:51

Log every incident and speak to your go. You don't have to take her with you initially.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 20/05/2022 21:51

I have bruises on my other arm from holding my arms up to stop the blow, so the hits go on my arm.
The violence is when she's in a rage which is the crux of the problem, the rage. But the violence is the worst part.
I'm so hurt

OP posts:
LIZS · 20/05/2022 21:53

Is there anything tha5 triggers it? Overtired, emotional, mealtimes, school?

Original poster
purpleme12 · 20/05/2022 21:55

LIZS · 20/05/2022 21:53

Is there anything tha5 triggers it? Overtired, emotional, mealtimes, school?

There are sometimes eg something I say that she doesn't like or telling her to do something she doesn't want to etc. But these are very normal things in referring to. Yesterday it was the fact she needed a bath that set it off.
The other day it was the fact she'd had a bad day at school.
Other times I can't really see anything particular.
It's the rages.

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 20/05/2022 21:59

In these rages she's sometimes shout you hurt me! Cos she hit my arms too hard or something like that. And I'm paranoid someone will believe her. Next door are recording it all.
She shouts I want daddy! (He doesn't live here and hasn't for years) I want to go to daddy's! And I wouldn't even normally be bothered but when you're hit and kicked and she's saying I'm going to tell daddy you hurt me, it's so hard

OP posts:
user392610 · 20/05/2022 22:01

Oh op you poor thing. I completely empathise. My son is on the autism pathway (assessment next month after a 3y wait). I get regular violence and it's so hurtful.
I've had a looooong night of it tonight so my reply is pants and probably not helpful. But the bit about not wanting to shower/bath: this is REALLY common with autism. And starts around age 7.
I'd recommend calling a meeting with the SENCO at school and class teacher. You may have to push. It can be so much harder to get a diagnosis for a girl (appallingly). My inbox is open ❤️ take care. Keep safe. (Maybe ask about PIPS holds: to keep you both safe during outbursts) xxx

LIZS · 20/05/2022 22:01

Keep a diary in case there is a pattern and you have incodents to discuss. Why did she not want a bath? Acknowledge everyone is entitled to feel rubbish about a bad day. She is allowed to feel however she may, but not to lash out physically. Bear in mind it is targeted at you because she feels safe doing so. Does she mask this at school?

Original poster
purpleme12 · 20/05/2022 22:04

LIZS · 20/05/2022 22:01

Keep a diary in case there is a pattern and you have incodents to discuss. Why did she not want a bath? Acknowledge everyone is entitled to feel rubbish about a bad day. She is allowed to feel however she may, but not to lash out physically. Bear in mind it is targeted at you because she feels safe doing so. Does she mask this at school?

Yes she does mask it at school. Although I believe she is angry sometimes at school. Not every day.

Perhaps I should keep a diary I'm just so exhausted each day.

She didn't want a bath cos she wanted to play I think. It's not that she doesn't like baths. She knew she was going to have one, it wasn't a surprise.

She shouts help me because she wants help coming down from the rage. Sometimes. Other times she won't let me help her she just carries on banging or screaming. But she can shout help me at the same time as being violent sometimes.

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 20/05/2022 22:06

I know everyone who can hear is judging by parenting and thinking why can't she control her child.
Cos that's why people think when this happens.
And honestly I am ashamed of her behaviour.
And there's nothing I can do to stop it!

OP posts:
nearlyspringyay · 20/05/2022 22:07

I'm sorry this is happening, what do you mean by next door are recording it?

Original poster
purpleme12 · 20/05/2022 22:14

They've got a recording device in from environmental health.
This is the only noise that I can think that we are making

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 20/05/2022 22:16

So the person at the other end is probably judging my parenting too
Which is completely different to actually being her dealing with it

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 20/05/2022 22:18

I'm so ashamed is got to this

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 20/05/2022 22:33

Anyone? I really need just a reply so I'm not alone

OP posts:
LIZS · 20/05/2022 22:43

The more resources you try to access for support the better it would appear should anything come from whatever ndn may hear and report. Tbh it is pretty unlikely. A book I've seen recommended on here is the Explosive Child.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 20/05/2022 22:47

Perhaps I'll see if it's in the library tomorrow actually just got to find the energy from somewhere to actually read it. As I'm zapped out
Neighbour already returned us to social services anyway more than once. Obviously I did tell them the truth that I was having trouble with her (at this point I'd already spoken to school)

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 20/05/2022 22:49

I might email school the person I've been speaking to telling them what it's like over yesterday and today (I hope to god we can get through the weekend without these outbursts being so bad but I honestly have no idea)

OP posts:
SiobhanSharpe · 20/05/2022 22:51

I'm so sorry you're going through this.
As another poster suggested, please go to your GP and tell them what is happening with your DD, show them the marks on your arm and ask for advice and help.
Is the skin on your arm broken? If so you might need antibiotics - it's a good idea to get the bites looked at anyway .
There will be a record of your visit to the GP if social services DO get involved as a result of your neighbours recording the noise. In addition your GP might contact SS anyway on your behalf as your family needs help.
it would also be a good idea to meet your school's Senco and tell them all about it. Again, this would provide a record of what is happening and might mean you get the help you need. It sounds truly awful for you but you need to reach out for help.
Good luck.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 20/05/2022 22:52

She must really hate me to be so violent.
All the street must know.

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 20/05/2022 22:53

Thank you so much for your words.
I've never felt so alone 😓😓

OP posts:
Sodie · 20/05/2022 22:55

Look up pegs support they are a charity that specialise in child to parent abuse.

BridgesofMadisonfan · 20/05/2022 22:56

purpleme12 · 20/05/2022 22:52

She must really hate me to be so violent.
All the street must know.

Not everyone will judge you for this.

Lots of people will be thinking how difficult this is for you.