Hurt

[purpleme12]

I have got bruises on my arm from bites from my child.
She's 8
How do you deal with violence?
I'm desperate.
Nothing works.
If I put her in her room she bangs on the door so it's more noise to annoy the neighbours so it's me that brings the brunt of it.
I don't know how we're going to get through life

No she trusts you, lashing out at you is "safe". It sounds like you may need help with establishing and maintaining boundaries to help manage her outbursts. She needs an alternative way to express her frustrations and anger.

Are you sure you are not over focussing on neighbours, as that has been subject of previous threads. Do you have any other support?

Yes she needs an alternative way but I've no idea how to do it because the first way is already screaming or banging or stomping for her. I try to go to her to cuddle her (cos this sometimes works) but not all the time sometimes she will just carry on with the behaviour and there's nothing I can do. The violence comes a bit later in the outburst.

The neighbours are a problem but it's like we've become the problem now because of this. I have spoken to my friend but I'm so ashamed of how it's got.
And work know I'm having trouble with her.
I might email teacher at school to tell her it's getting worse but she knows she's been violent (perhaps she doesn't imagine it's as bad as it is?) But I've told her I'm unsure what to do when she's violent as if I put her in a room she then bangs the door so that's more noise that can go on forever. So they do know

Have you heard of Pathological Demand Avoidance, OP? Often comes as part of autism and can lead to a panic response (that could be expressed as aggression) when a child is asked or reminded to do something.

Have you looked up oppositional defiance disorder, I think it's called. It's also known as pathological demand avoidance. Please excuse me if I've got the names wrong. I knew a girl who had this. There was a really good book written by the parents of another child who had it. I'll see if I can find it.

I have heard of it.
It has sometimes crossed my mind.
Sometimes these things are set off when I ask her to do something.
Thank you for replying I need to feel less alone

Have a look at books like this:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Defiant-Child-Parents-Oppositional-Disorder/dp/0878339639/ref=ascdff0878339639nodl/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310805565966&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=5022482893651379720&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9046561&hvtargid=pla-435524730445&psc=1&th=1&psc=1

Thank you.

I never knew it would be this hard

It feels like everyone's out there having a lovely time With their child and we're struggling here