Should I go back to 5 days?

[Parttimeglover]

Firstly, I’m enormously privileged to be asking this question and it’s definitely a FWP.

My DS is 13 months. I came back from maternity leave when he was 8 months (just before Christmas) because my maternity cover had gone tits up and basically, if I didn’t come back and steady the ship I wouldn’t have had a department to come back to.

Anyway, I negotiated to come back on 4 days and for my full time wage to go from £44k to £60k, so that on 4 days I would be earning £4K more than I was on 5 days. I also negotiated to work 2 days from home and 2 from the office. I was in a strong negotiating position, they needed me more than I needed them and so I got what I wanted.

Anyway, my role since I came back has expanded and I’m finding im working very late most evenings. I’m doing 40 hour weeks on a 28 hour contract. no overtime payments obviously. I’m managing this by working after DS has gone to bed mostly and I’m knackered! The business has approached me and asked how I’d feel about going back to 5 days given I’m doing over 5 days hours anyway, but I would be working every day not compressed hours.

Im very conflicted. I LOVE my time with DS, however cost of living is creeping up and we’re starting to really feel the pressure now. We are getting by on my £48k plus the money DH earns from a bar job he does 12 hours a week (more for mental health/ none baby time than money) but it’s getting tight.

DH is a stay at home parent but has offered to get more hours. The problem is his earning potential isn’t great, so the cost of childcare would swallow his wage (hence why he stays at home) so if we want more money, realistically me going to 5 days is our best bet.

For reference we can afford the day to day, we are not freezing or starving but we’re being careful with treats and extras and were currently not saving anything.

DS will be our only baby for reasons I’d rather not go into.

I just feel like if it was the other way around and I was the SAHP and DH was working then it wouldn’t even be a question. It’s because I’m a mum that I’m feeling so guilty about the prospect of going back full time and sacrificing time with DS

WWYD? Would you go back to 5 days and give up time with DC in order to relieve the financial strain a bit? Or would you stay on 4 days as long as possible and just be a bit skint for a bit?

This is exactly what I needed, thank you.

DH does more than his fair share. He does the cooking, the bulk of the shopping, the surface level cleaning day to day. I do the family admin, the driving and the deeper cleaning jobs. On my weekday off currently I use it purely for DS, I don’t do any chores or admin at all. That all gets done at the weekend when we’re both home.

im wondering whether DH could do one full day (9-6) one day at the weekend and then we’d still get one day a week where we’re all off together.

In terms of WFH I need to go to the office 2 days per week so yes I’d be home on my 5th day. On my work from home days I’m able to flex my time so I have a 2 hour break in the middle of the day to take DS out and give DH a break. I start an hour earlier and do 8-5 which then gives me DS time for an hour/ 2 hours before bedtime. Also I have a long commute so on my office days I start at 8, finish at 4pm so I’m home for 6pm bedtime. It’s not bad at all.

Hi, no. I’m an currently paid £48k for working 4 days. If I work 5 days, this becomes £60k :)

The consensus from those who have done it seems to be to go back to 5 days with as much flexibility as I can bake in as possible.

DH and I have a rare child free day today (MIL has DS) so we can work this through together. I wanted to see what people who have been there thought before that conversation and to get my own feelings in order so thank you everyone.

DH is supportive whatever I want to do, but it will depend how he feels about his hours too.

When I returned back from my maternity leave my company made me do a mandatory 'return to work' training run by an external company. The lady who ran the training course was very vocal about returning on 4 days a week... In essence the message was to never do it as you will inevitably end up working condensed full hours but with the reduced pay.

This is so common. I would go full time OP as you're doing the hours anyway! And I would negotiate a 9 day fortnight. You can also use unpaid parental leave to take a whole week off to spend with DS.
You will just need to be very careful that you're not continuing to do a whole lot of extra hours over 5 days though.
Before you speak to your boss make a list of your non-negotiables

A previous poster mentioned that childhood is long and they need you at every stage.

It sounds like you have worked hard for your career. It also sounds like your company is not great at looking after their staff.. loosing 13 out of a team of 14 in the space of 9 months is shocking. Is it a profitable product with growth and long term prospects? Can you negotiate a progression plan or some sort of staged salary increase?

Regarding your hours... it sounds like you are prioritising time with your son every day.... might it be better to sacrifice bed time on the days you are in the office.. stay 'till the decks are clear' and then go home and on the days you don't commute, you can enjoy bath and bed time and don't go back to your computer. I found that constantly watching the clock, every day, was exhausting and nothing every felt finished but allowing myself 2 days a week where I worked late, was a good balance for me.

It sounds like your company want you there 5 days... I would do it but don't over do the overtime. Leave on time on Fridays and find ways to improve efficiencies or justify more staff. And then bank the money, enjoy it, cherish your time with your family, knowing you have secured your future and theirs. Find a female work mentor, work out how to mirror what your male colleagues do without taking on too much or making it appear that you are half there and half at home.. I bet there are males in your company who also make it home for bed time without people judging them for it.

You family is not a stereotypical Dad goes to work, Mum stays at home set up. While it's not necessarily ideal that the working parent is largely absent from home life between Monday and Friday, it does sound like it is expected by your company. You should take this thinking time to work out what is important for your family both now and in the longer term.

We are 18 years on this carousel and there have been many alterations along the way with some pretty big sacrifices and compromises along the way.. many have felt far from perfect but for the most part we have been able to enjoy the rewards of the choices we have made and live with the compromises.