Should I go back to 5 days?

[Parttimeglover]

Firstly, I’m enormously privileged to be asking this question and it’s definitely a FWP.

My DS is 13 months. I came back from maternity leave when he was 8 months (just before Christmas) because my maternity cover had gone tits up and basically, if I didn’t come back and steady the ship I wouldn’t have had a department to come back to.

Anyway, I negotiated to come back on 4 days and for my full time wage to go from £44k to £60k, so that on 4 days I would be earning £4K more than I was on 5 days. I also negotiated to work 2 days from home and 2 from the office. I was in a strong negotiating position, they needed me more than I needed them and so I got what I wanted.

Anyway, my role since I came back has expanded and I’m finding im working very late most evenings. I’m doing 40 hour weeks on a 28 hour contract. no overtime payments obviously. I’m managing this by working after DS has gone to bed mostly and I’m knackered! The business has approached me and asked how I’d feel about going back to 5 days given I’m doing over 5 days hours anyway, but I would be working every day not compressed hours.

Im very conflicted. I LOVE my time with DS, however cost of living is creeping up and we’re starting to really feel the pressure now. We are getting by on my £48k plus the money DH earns from a bar job he does 12 hours a week (more for mental health/ none baby time than money) but it’s getting tight.

DH is a stay at home parent but has offered to get more hours. The problem is his earning potential isn’t great, so the cost of childcare would swallow his wage (hence why he stays at home) so if we want more money, realistically me going to 5 days is our best bet.

For reference we can afford the day to day, we are not freezing or starving but we’re being careful with treats and extras and were currently not saving anything.

DS will be our only baby for reasons I’d rather not go into.

I just feel like if it was the other way around and I was the SAHP and DH was working then it wouldn’t even be a question. It’s because I’m a mum that I’m feeling so guilty about the prospect of going back full time and sacrificing time with DS

WWYD? Would you go back to 5 days and give up time with DC in order to relieve the financial strain a bit? Or would you stay on 4 days as long as possible and just be a bit skint for a bit?

Any scope for something in between ?

I work 4 days per week but have negotiated so I get paid for 30 hrs to cover extra working and the occasional Friday meeting. It may not seem like much but the extra salary and pension contributions from those two extra hours is pretty good. The additional 5 paid hrs means I'd lose my day off and would all be at higher rate so I'm happy enough to sacrifice them.

I would enable your DH to work more hours/better pay at the earliest opportunity. Pension contributions, future income if you are no longer able to work etc.

I don't know what to advise you, though you may get "through" the effectively higher taxed region between £50 and £60k if you go back full-time, if bonuses are expected.

But I just wanted to say, possibly your DH needs to be registered for child benefit, whether or not you opt to receive it, to make sure he gets full NI credits while he's working reduced hours (depending on what he gets currently). Also, I think you don't have to pay back all child benefit until earnings are £60k or above after pension payments are taken out, so you may well be turning down money you could keep at present.

I would go full time but make sure you draw a line on your working in the evenings.

Is your DH using his time at home to upskill? You say his earning potential is low but being a SAHP is not a permanent job and in the current climate not working - or only working very limited hours- is a luxury.

Your DH can still claim to ensure he's getting NI credits. You only have to pay it all back if you earn over £60k and it's easily repaid. Depending on your pension arrangements and any other salary sacrifice agreements a £50k salary is often less on your P60 in any event.

You sound overly conscientious and like the company depends on you - in reality they’d just put someone else in the role.

It’s good that you negotiated a pay rise. Wouldn’t continue to work this amount of unpaid overtime. If couldn’t negotiate a 9 day fortnight would stick at PT and work far fewer hours, or go FT.

I wouldn’t be OK with being sole earner, beyond the v short term. Too much risk for both parties and the household. DH could look for ways to improve his earning prospects. Childcare costs come from the household income and worth it if the lower paid earner can build up skills and experience.

I went from 3 days to 4 when my youngest was 18 months, and back to FT when he was 3.

The PT working was hell, because like you I was working every evening - until midnight usually- and a lot on a weekend. I also had to rush to do nursery pickups. I barely remember those years. The 1 or 2 days off a week didn’t make up for it.

FT (a different job though) has been so much happier. I’m either at work or at home, they don’t bleed into each other. DH does his fair share (including all the cooking). The 2 days WFH also helps with your work-life balance.

I refuse to feel guilty about anything a man wouldn’t feel guilty about.

It sounds like the work is continuing to increase so it might be time for both you and the company to think a bit longer term. Does this need to be split into 2 roles? Do you need someone under you to take on some of the role? Then go full time but no extra hours. Make the hours issue work for you.

I have done both OP and my advise would be to go fulltime. Could you negotiate so the 5th day is wfh as well? Your child is still so young but a year or so from now he'll benefit from nursery etc and then your dh can up his hours too. It might be hard for a year but when your ds is 3 your childcare expenses will reduce and then your dh can do even more hours. Working full time on part time hours is exhausting. I did it for years. It is horrid. I feel for you.

@Wallywobbles makes a very good point. Is the role still a one person job? Can elements of the role be delegated to someone else? Or is there budget for further headcount?

Your child has a parent with them full time. If you continue in a part time role, you are likely to be limiting your future career prospects. Of course you could scrape by on less, with husband picking up bar hours to gt some time away from childcare and unding his own hobbies.

What would your family look like if you worked 5 days and were able to also pay for hobbies, holidays and be more comfortable?

Wow that was rude to the poster earlier!
They were literally getting you to consider what you need.
personally, I think your dh’s money should be shared with you and then you work out outgoings, savings then both have equal money.

Its a shame you got so defensive, that tells me you’re not as happy with your partners situation as you’re making out!

Hes not sure what he wants to do yet but he is learning to drive and the plan is for him to start a new career once DS starts school. He’s from a very tough background, grew up without family so hasn’t had all that much opportunity. He’s done bar jobs and shop jobs until now and worked really hard but he’s using his time at home to think about what he wants to do long term. Current thinking is to become an electrician.

Aaah I thought the CSP was £50k not £60!

Binary choice - work 4 days but only do 4 days work. Is that actually possible? Or work 5 days and get paid for it.

On child benefit you start having to pay some of it back at 50k and it is a sliding scale until 60k at which point you'd have to pay it all back (or not entitled at this point). I earn just under 60k and pay some back in tax return.

I’m not the sole earner, DH has a job albeit limited hours. I’ve always been the main earner though, part of the reason I married him before we had children was to protect him financially.

Re: work. You might be right but (without sounding like a dick) I actually am in the rare position where they can’t replace me hence why it went wrong when I was on mat leave. I have 3 very niche specialisms that I‘ve worked my backside off to learn in my early career. I’ve developed all 3 over 10 years and the business has sort of grown a product around me that I’m now the head of. Unless you’re also an expert in my 3 areas, you can’t run the product or the team. That’s why it went wrong and why if I didn’t come back at 8 months they would need to shut the product down. The guy who replaced me knew enough to pass the interview but not enough to do the job. He was a deep specialist in one of the areas but not the others. I left with a team of 14, I came back to a team of him and one other person. I’ve got a team of 15 again now.

Part if my role is training up my team to also have these skills so my old team took their knowledge to our competitors unfortunately. So I suppose in time I could be replaced, just not at the moment.

I need to chat to my boss I think. I need to ask about 9 day fortnight and also make her more aware of the hours I’m working.

I just worry about missing out on DS more than anything. Hes only going to be this little for such a short time.

OP if you're as valuable as you appear to be to your company, you need to ask yourself the question why you're working so many unpaid hours and why they won't just let you work the pattern that best suits you.
Asking for a 9 day fortnight seems like a reasonable compromise. Do most people at your level put in the hours you do ?

So this is an option yes. I have a team of 15 people at varying levels of experience but all but one are very new. My entire team left while I was on mat leave (why I came back earlier than planned) In the space of 9 weeks. There was 14 of them, only one stayed.

Because of how mad the market is at the moment I’m paying the new staff more than the old ones which is fine, but it does mean I need a bit more revenue before I can expand more and I can’t hire people with the right experience because they don’t exist until they’ve worked here.

Im in a position at the moment where I’m training the new team during my working hours and then doing my actual job at night.

You sound very switched on and it’s great that your DH is the at-home parent who can support you.

I’d work the 5 days. I’d encourage DH to take another weekend daytime shift to get time alone with DC. I’d ask the extra day was worked from home (I think you’ve done this already?)

I’d plan to use at least some of the extra money to start a retraining pot for your DH - he may need extra childcare hours when your DC is preschool/nursery age, for instance, to enable a training course.

I don’t think you should feel remotely guilty and I don’t think your DC will miss out on anything by you working 5 days. So the choice is really a personal one for you as you will be the one ‘missing out’ on that day with your DC. If you’re in a supportive relationship where your DH is a fair share of the domestic and home organisation stuff then FT will be less stressful than working all hours to maintain a free day.

Yes, most people at this level put in the hours I work and more unfortunately. It’s that tricky middle management step.

Also - if you think of the 5 days FT now as temporary, that might help? Do it now, while your DH is a SAHP, your DC is small and you don’t have complex demands on your family life. Train your team up. Then you’ve got extra money to put to your DH’s career training, and when the time comes he needs to work more and childcare is more complex, you have better flex at work for dropping hours/days.

Childhood is long - they need you just as much if not more as they grow up. When they’re babies and toddlers it’s primarily practical childcare work and less emotional bond. That shifts as they grow, they need a parent to talk to about friendship issues or stand on the touch lines at football or come to that mum-child celebration at school, not just someone to keep them safe and fed.

Your toddler won’t remember so much who looked after them 5 days a week during working hours. They start to mind more as they get older. So think long-term.

Am I understanding this right...

You work 4 days a week 2 of which are WFH. On those 4 days you have to WFH in the evening aswell. But on the 5th day and weekends you are free from work is that right? You are on 60k, (what's the take-home on that after tax etc).

If you go up to 5 days will you not have to log on in the evening anymore as you will do all that work on the 5th day? Or will they expect 5 days work plus logging on

If I were you I'd expect DH to add his wage into the pot. I'm a SAHM by choice but we've agreed that if I ever get a job my wage will be family money as is DHs as the sole earner.

I think some of this is middle management life aswell, DH is in a similar position and has to WFH in the evening but that's the nature of the job and he gets a good wage for it.

If you said you weren't going to do the evening work anymore would they drop you back to 48k?

I returned from my career break when mine were just 5, 7 & 8 none of them seem to remember or appreciate all the years I was there for them full time doing it all 🙄

In a few years when your team/job are more settled you can look again and changing things. Take unpaid parental leave during school holidays/buy additional leave etc. 2 early finishes per week etc