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Original poster

"I'm X and men think I'm really hot. I love it"...

32 replies

OakPanel · 19/05/2022 08:08

I've just come off fb and have, yet again, been bombarded with click bait articles about women who are a 'granny'/an influencer/just alive and claim to be so hot that men can't resist them and they love it. Some of them have great bodies and are beautiful (so they can see that for themselves) some are decidedly average and, tbh, no more or less attractive than many women I see just round and about).

I can't understand it myself.

I am in reasonable shape, a healthy weight/size and reasonably attractive. I get told I'm attractive/beautiful/gorgeous which makes me a bit 🙄 and pisses me off a bit that that is all they see. So it's not jealousy.

But I just can't believe that there are many women for whom being found attractive/desired by men is so important, tbh.

I care that my boyfriend desires and finds me attractive but have no desire to garner attention from any other men and certainly wouldn't put half naked photos of myself online for the 'likes'.

I know there are an awful lot of women who post on her who feel similarly but I just wondered how any are on the other side of it. I only know one woman in real life who cares what men think of her to that extent. She's certainly not one of these posting hwrself online women but will flirt with every man around whilst bemoaning that women don't want to be friends with her (largely because she flirts with their husbands and partners and its just a bit tedious - she isn't any threat - and, at 52, I kind of feel that it shouldn't be so important to her).

Just curiosity really, but do you care if men fancy you?

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 19/05/2022 08:14

Either insecurity or massive over inflation of ego innit

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to be attractive to the opposite sex though, especially when you’re getting older and feeling like you didn’t appreciate your looks when younger. Not that people should be flirting outrageously with other peoples partners mind.

at 52, I kind of feel that it shouldn't be so important to her

Yes at 52 we should all accept we are shrivelled versions of our former selves and accept that no person would look at us twice

D0lphine · 19/05/2022 08:17

No I don't care if men in general fancy me.

My body is not for their consumption. It's for me Grin

Georgeskitchen · 19/05/2022 08:22

I did when I was younger but couldn't care less now. Many of these women posting on social media under the headings " sexy gran" and such like, have pictures filtered to within an inch of their lives
Did anyone see a picture last week of ex Charlie's Angell Jaclyn Smith? Age 76 and looked like a 20 year old
......I Don't think so !!!🤣🤣

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Original poster
OakPanel · 19/05/2022 08:22

ShirleyPhallus · 19/05/2022 08:14

Either insecurity or massive over inflation of ego innit

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to be attractive to the opposite sex though, especially when you’re getting older and feeling like you didn’t appreciate your looks when younger. Not that people should be flirting outrageously with other peoples partners mind.

at 52, I kind of feel that it shouldn't be so important to her

Yes at 52 we should all accept we are shrivelled versions of our former selves and accept that no person would look at us twice

I'm 47, so not much younger. I don't mean she should accept that she's shrivelled and unattractive (because she isn't) just that male validation shouldn't be so important. Surely, she'd have realised it's not the be all and end all by now? That's all I meant.

I wouldn't flirt with my friends husbands/partners and would feel uncomfortable if I thought they fancied me. I wouldn't go out of my way to seek it out!

Ultimately, I just feel I have more to offer the world than what I look like and I'm just baffled that there are so many women courting this attention online. I just wondered how much of it is crappy 'journalism' and how much of it is actually a 'thing' really.

OP posts:
Missillusioned · 19/05/2022 08:23

I think it depends on your circumstances. If you have a partner and your partner fancies you it's no big deal how the rest of the world looks at you.

But if you're single and you don't have that security of someone appreciating you and you would like a partner, then how you are perceived becomes much more important. You're very aware that if you're not seen as attractive then you're likely to struggle to find someone. So you're more likely to 'test' that attractiveness on any available audience - Instagram etc.

EBearhug · 19/05/2022 08:26

I'm pretty sure those aren't the sort of ads I'm getting on FB, but as I can't tell you what ads I am getting, perhaps I have simply ignored them.

We're in a society where we're full of messages that women's looks matter, so is it a surprise that some women fall in with this? Not everyone has read up on feminism, either.

WildNights · 19/05/2022 08:27

I think men that ‘like’ and comment in this way about photos of women they see online are a bit creepy to be honest. If women enjoy it, it’s up to them although there’s possibly some deeper issues as to why they’re seeking this sort of validation.

converseandjeans · 19/05/2022 08:27

I don't get any of these type of people popping up on my FB or Instagram. So not sure why you are.

I've never been bothered about what men think about me. So I can't fathom why women fuss around trying to get attention. However if they do it's up to them. It doesn't bother me in the slightest what other women do. I just wouldn't choose to spend time with them.

MolliciousIntent · 19/05/2022 08:27

Yes, I care if people (bi, so not exclusively men) fancy me. Feeling desirable is important to me and always has been. There probably is some element of low self esteem at play there, deep deep down, but I think it's mild and from a functional point of view, attention from others serves as an ego boost rather than validation.

That said, I don't seek it out, I'm happily married. But I think if I reach a point where I walk down the street and no one gives me a second glance, that might dent my confidence a little bit.

CherryBlossomAutumn · 19/05/2022 08:28

It’s either ego or being single. Either way maybe you’ve just got a lot of self obsessed friends!

I think maybe just silence or unfollow all those people. It’s tedious to look at peoples ‘look at me’ posts. Why are we wasting our time seeing these posts? Just get yourself off social media.

Original poster
OakPanel · 19/05/2022 08:29

Georgeskitchen · 19/05/2022 08:22

I did when I was younger but couldn't care less now. Many of these women posting on social media under the headings " sexy gran" and such like, have pictures filtered to within an inch of their lives
Did anyone see a picture last week of ex Charlie's Angell Jaclyn Smith? Age 76 and looked like a 20 year old
......I Don't think so !!!🤣🤣

That's the thing, I did when I was younger - in my teens and early 20s. But after that, I became really disillusioned at the realisation that many men really only do value women for their looks. I'm just a bit surprised that there are women who would actually buy into this measure of their worth beyond their 20s.

I Just wondered if there was anyone on here for whom it was that important - and why.

OP posts:
Original poster
OakPanel · 19/05/2022 08:30

EBearhug · 19/05/2022 08:26

I'm pretty sure those aren't the sort of ads I'm getting on FB, but as I can't tell you what ads I am getting, perhaps I have simply ignored them.

We're in a society where we're full of messages that women's looks matter, so is it a surprise that some women fall in with this? Not everyone has read up on feminism, either.

Yeah, I made the mistake of clicking on one once. I get them come up all the time now! 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
OakPanel · 19/05/2022 08:31

CherryBlossomAutumn · 19/05/2022 08:28

It’s either ego or being single. Either way maybe you’ve just got a lot of self obsessed friends!

I think maybe just silence or unfollow all those people. It’s tedious to look at peoples ‘look at me’ posts. Why are we wasting our time seeing these posts? Just get yourself off social media.

It's only the one.

The rest don't seem to care either.

OP posts:
WildNights · 19/05/2022 08:32

But I think if I reach a point where I walk down the street and no one gives me a second glance, that might dent my confidence a little bit.

Really. I’m quite looking forward to it. 😂 Many men just look at any vaguely attractive woman anyway so there’s no confidence boost.

BigFatLiar · 19/05/2022 08:32

There can be a lot of money in it.

For a growing number of women its a good income with little effort.

EBearhug · 19/05/2022 08:33

I'm on OLD at the moment, so I do care that men fancy me, but only with that context. I don't want random men in the street commenting. And I assume that there are far more men on Tinder who swipe left than swipe right on me anyway.

MolliciousIntent · 19/05/2022 08:35

WildNights · 19/05/2022 08:32

But I think if I reach a point where I walk down the street and no one gives me a second glance, that might dent my confidence a little bit.

Really. I’m quite looking forward to it. 😂 Many men just look at any vaguely attractive woman anyway so there’s no confidence boost.

Vaguely attractive is enough for me, tbh!

Lellochip · 19/05/2022 08:38

But I think if I reach a point where I walk down the street and no one gives me a second glance, that might dent my confidence a little bit.

I don't think I've ever not been at that point 😂

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/05/2022 09:11

YANBU. I find this with diet culture as well and it pisses me off. You never see blokes advertising this shite.

newnamethanks · 19/05/2022 10:25

You've been looking at Madonna's Facebook again haven't you OP? Leave her to it.

AliasGrape · 19/05/2022 10:33

Oh come on.
You only have to have the most cursory glance around to realise that women are still more valued for their looks than for anything else, and whilst things might be slowly changing, most of us have been raised hearing ‘men like this/ men don’t like that’ and a million different magazine articles on how to attract/ keep a man through blow jobs and eyeliner.

patriarchy innit?

Yes as we get older most of us start to care a bit less, and some of us were maybe always strong enough to challenge the narrative that women only exist to be visually pleasing -but it’s hardly difficult to see why some people are still stuck there.

Original poster
OakPanel · 19/05/2022 10:53

But it seems to be getting worse.

If women just universally said, "Fuck that," we at least wouldn't be buying in to it.

It's the fact that so many women seems to care so much that I don't understand.

OP posts:
Nowomenaroundeh · 19/05/2022 10:54

I genuinely don't care (it makes no difference to how I feel about myself) but I do notice (in a detached vaguely curious way) if men are looking at ms. Due to various things in my life (naturally good looking but health conditions impacted different things like losing my hair, weight my looks rating has gone up and down at different times and I've gone from being a headturner to invisible and judging by the responses appear to be going back again.

I don't care. My partner tells me I'm gorgeous everyday day.

Original poster
OakPanel · 19/05/2022 12:43

See, I know lots of women don't care. I really wanted to hear from anyone who does.

And I don't mean, reassurance you're attractive enough to get a partner if you're dating - I'd think that was natural (I have a boyfriend but was single for about 10 years and I still didn't care tbh), but more just the 'need' to have men in general find you attractive; the 'need' to he desired etc. seems to exist in some women whether they're single or happily married!

OP posts:
MintyMoocow · 19/05/2022 12:48

Well, as the DM of an 18yo man magnet I can say that it all looks a complete pain in the arse to me. She was asked out 5 times on her first shift as bar staff in the local pub. Her boyfriend’s best friend made a pass at her last Saturday night, leaving HER feeling miserable and guilty. And these men are all so bloody nasty after they have been turned down.
its grim!

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