"I'm X and men think I'm really hot. I love it"...

[OakPanel]

I've just come off fb and have, yet again, been bombarded with click bait articles about women who are a 'granny'/an influencer/just alive and claim to be so hot that men can't resist them and they love it. Some of them have great bodies and are beautiful (so they can see that for themselves) some are decidedly average and, tbh, no more or less attractive than many women I see just round and about).

I can't understand it myself.

I am in reasonable shape, a healthy weight/size and reasonably attractive. I get told I'm attractive/beautiful/gorgeous which makes me a bit 🙄 and pisses me off a bit that that is all they see. So it's not jealousy.

But I just can't believe that there are many women for whom being found attractive/desired by men is so important, tbh.

I care that my boyfriend desires and finds me attractive but have no desire to garner attention from any other men and certainly wouldn't put half naked photos of myself online for the 'likes'.

I know there are an awful lot of women who post on her who feel similarly but I just wondered how any are on the other side of it. I only know one woman in real life who cares what men think of her to that extent. She's certainly not one of these posting hwrself online women but will flirt with every man around whilst bemoaning that women don't want to be friends with her (largely because she flirts with their husbands and partners and its just a bit tedious - she isn't any threat - and, at 52, I kind of feel that it shouldn't be so important to her).

Just curiosity really, but do you care if men fancy you?

That's exactly it. It casts all women in the role of either 'sexy and desirable to men' or not. Which impacts negatively on all women - whichever group they find themselves cast in.

And, yes, we all know that women are valued primarily for looks - I'd just hope that more women rejected that rather than embracing it. Esp as someone else pointed out, you never see posts about men in the same way!

I'm just surprised that any woman would actively participate or court it.

I've just started dating properly after separating from stbxh 18 months ago.. I know on a basic level I'm a very attractive woman who looks more early twenties than 30. I take pride in my body and try to look after my skin so I'm not having to wear makeup all the time.

I like being seen as desirable to men. But xh did such a number on my self esteem that even though I can look in the mirror and objectively see all these things I don't really believe them, so I seek external validation.

Very very aware of what I'm doing and I don't post all over Instagram and social media looking for it because it wouldn't help in any way.

There's also the massive hypocrisy in that I resent men that are only interested in me for my looks or for sex. Getting better but it's definitely something I'm exploring in therapy (alongside all my other issues). I just can't bring myself to judge these women, just feel a bit sad for them (and me).

Isn't it an important lesson, to teach/remind women what we should be caring about? Definitely not having interesting lives or fulfilling careers. All we should be aiming for is to please men and balls to all those advances that women have made in the last century.

at 52, I kind of feel that it shouldn't be so important to her

I'm 52. I still put my face on every day, and want to look nice for myself, my husband and anyone else that might see me. Am I as attractive as I was in my 30's? No. Does that mean I should just throw in the towel? Of course not!

I don't get eyed up by men anymore, and tbh, it is a bit of a downer. Not because I want the attention (I'm happily married), but it just confirms in my head, that the bloom off the rose, and that makes me a little bit sad.

I've been on FB for years, and I never get bombarded with anything like that, ever. Thank goodness.

Oh yes I see what you mean. I'd be interested to read those replies too.

I was friends with and lived with a woman like this. It was exhausting. She had a massive fragile ego. Everything was about how she ranked beside other women in men's eyes. She needed to be admired by all, it didn't matter who it was; the dullest drip or her best friend's husband. She was so open about it.

I don't think she would respond to this thread except to say "we are all like this, come on" and she would believe it. I hated spending so much time in her company and began to find her pathetic.

What was most fascinating was men's reactions to her. They would (almost universally) be charmed by her on meeting, there would often be remarks of "HOW is she single?" but within a second or third meeting they wouldn't be able to place her or remember her name.

I really should have described her as an ex friend as that's what she became.

We met up as part of a group a few years ago for a particular occasion. I was pregnant and planning on introducing my DP. When I arrived my heart sank a tiny bit when I realised he had already arrived and was seated beside her. He then got me a seat and put it in between them. I didn't see them speak again. I had never really mentioned her to him or any of the group so everyone was new to him. Afterwards I asked him if he liked the gang, he said yes but that he hadn't warmed to this woman, he found it weird and annoying that she kept touching his arm unnecessarily. I fell in love just a tiny bit more right at that moment.

I was chatted up by a few blokes on a night out at the weekend (I'm 40 for clarification!) and I must admit it gave me a bit of an ego boost - however I am also feminist/intelligent enough to realise that it's a bit pathetic to feel that way and that those men were probably on the pull and would have chatted to anyone half decent looking with a pulse.

It 's nature though isn't it? Attractive people tend to be more successful in life in general, people gravitate towards them so it is ingrained in us to want to be attractive. Attractive equals success, in theory.

I never take all the IG/social media stuff seriously though, those women bear little resemblance to those photos in RL - that's why we don't see people like that walking around the streets - it's all filtered/fake shite!