Tips for a simple easy life

[emerald226]

Your tips please

Be organised, take lots of time out for yourself, I only do things I want to do.

Do grocery shopping online and book a weekly delivery slot for a time that suits you. You can add things to it you remember during the week.

I would say financial simplicity is a quick win.

One current account where all bills are paid from. One saving account. One pension. One mortgage. Etc etc.

Don't spend more than you earn.

Say "no" to ridiculous things, ie-

• weddings abroad. Say "no, sorry we don't have enough annual leave". More holidays. More time doing what you want. More money.

• hen dos abroad. Say "no, but come over to mine and I'll cook. We can have wine and talk about / celebrate your wedding."

• baby showers. Say "no, but I have x weekends after your due date boxed off to come and help you cook/ clean/ care for other children/ watch the baby whilst you nap or shower."

• family get togethers in awkward places / family get togethers with cluster fuck family members. "Sorry I'm busy that weekend".

• work dos. "Sorry I can't that night" or "I can come for one but then must leave". No one will care trust.

• expensive outings with friends. "Sorry I can't come to the zoo that weekend, but shall we have a picnic in the garden the following weekend?"

Etc.

Minimise stuff. You don't need stuff.

Great tips on here, I'll second;
Put yourself first.
Don't get involved with a man who already has children.
Enjoy the simple things in life such as sitting in your garden, going for a walk.

To those who say "stay single" how do you find joy in that decision on a day to day basis? thanks in advance for any thoughts / tips on this.

I just love the freedom of being in control of my own home, choosing decor etc, even just choosing food - every choice is a breeze compared to the arseholery, moaning, vetoing etc that used to go on with exP. I do involve the kids but they're reasonable and they get to pick for their own rooms, so we all have freedoms.

I love snuggling up in bed on my own with a book and being joined by the cat. It might be slightly lonely sometimes, but that is just so outweighed by the bliss of not having to deal with a smelly, moaning, selfish man.

So maybe it depends how bad your relationship was – I fell out of love with him years before i left and was desperate to get away. I'm still thrilled to be single years later!

The other thing, sounds flippant but it's not, is hearing about friends' men and relationships, and also reading about so many awful men on here. Over and over again I just think God I'm so glad I'm single.

Enjoy the simple things in life such as sitting in your garden, going for a walk.

Agree with this. A coffee in the garden, cuddling the cat, a fresh loaf of bread, a plant starting to flower, walking past some lilac and being hit by the scent. Not pretending to enjoy them or forcing yourself but being open to the experience of little things, can change how you feel.

RoseLunarPink thanks for your thoughts, really helpful, I am grateful to you. Everything you say resonates with me

Decluttering is great, I only keep things I love and don’t keep crap. Keep the house tidy and keep on top of chores. I always ensure that the kitchen sides are clear before I go to bed as I love a tidy house. I dust once a week and it makes it seem so much cleaner and tidier when the skirting boards are done. Take time just to chill and don’t completely fill your diary. Oh, and write a personal diary. It’s great.

"So maybe it depends how bad your relationship was – I fell out of love with him years before i left and was desperate to get away."

I didn't think it was that bad at the time but after he left I had to be honest that most of the time i was walking on egg shells trying to make him happy.

I think my problem is that I am so averse to the idea of a relationship and I think there is a (maybe small) element of being extremely knee jerk horrified at the idea of sharing my life with someone who could also have such power over me to run roughshod over everything in my life. It's not "men" as such it is as much to do with the way society has set up marriage and divorce and how kids fit into that etc. It feels like it sets things up for massive pain by the way it all works. I don't know. 99.9999% of the time I am really happy and comfortable and grateful for being single. Its just that niggling 0.0001% when my heart thinks "you coward, you are deliberately not getting out there to see what is there". A weird mix of loneliness and a strange kind of guilt.

But thank you for your thoughts you are so right

Appreciate what you already have, try to remember that you once really wanted it all.

Decide that you are a lucky person and count your blessings and you will have a very good chance of becoming one.

Figure out what's important to you and brings you joy. For example if you'd rather not work as much then try to reduce your outgoings so that you don't have to.

Before you spend money on things ask yourself if this thing will actually improve your life.

Don't put off happiness until next year or retirement or when you lose weight or have achieved this or that. Tomorrow is not promised.

Time is the most valuable resource in the universe and the only thing you can't buy more of, don't waste it.
Happiness is the only goal ultimately worth having.

Declutter. Definitely declutter.

Stay single, live financially within your means, don't take on too many commitments, give yourself time to do nothing and relax, never put up with a bad boss at work (find another job), appreciate what you have rather than crave what you don't and appreciate and enjoy nature.

Routines aren’t just for children.

Have schedules and routines for EVERYTHING until it becomes second nature.

Washing, housework, food shopping, bathing, bedtime etc. The body and soul THRIVE on routine.

Not reading/watching the news has helped me.
Declutter, and declutter again.
Keep negative people out of your life.
Enjoy the small things, like a walk in the sun or seeing a Robin.
Learn ho be happy with what you have , rather than wanting what you don’t/can’t have.

Also - be grateful of what you have and have what you are grateful for.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

also - delete Instagram.

What a good thread and so many good tips. Thanks OP and thanks PPs.

Having just had an almighty row with 'D'P, I can only agree with all those who say stay single. He told me this morning I am negative about everything he says but couldn't think of a single example. . So he thinks I am a bad person, rather than somebody who is inherently good and sometimes does bad stuff.

As many PPs have said, prioritize your physical and mental health. I put a big effort into my physical health and assumed my mental health would look after itself. WRONG! I have been on a high dose of 2 anxiety medications for over a year and have also had many months of counseling. I have also learned to meditate with the Headspace app (as recommended by my GP). I would highly recommend it.

Eat well. Prioritise good quality healthy food.

Holidays are important.

Keep your finances in order, in particular don't overspend. I got myself into serious debt and it really had a bad impact on my mental health.

Leading on from that, if there is anything you're worried about tackle it so you stop worrying sooner rather than later. I spent years worrying that my savings plan was not enough to pay off my mortgage- so much so that I didn't open any letter about the savings plan. It then took me weeks of suffering when the term of my mortgage ended before I plucked up the courage to contact the bank about the savings ...... But I actually found I had a small excess in the savings. I could have saved myself months of heartache and stress and slept for many more hours just by tackling it sooner.

Routine is a good one. Good for humans and pets.
Eat at regular times, have a good bedtime routine and stick to it.

This - absolutely
It is ok to do nothing sometimes.

Also agree with those who say that you should stop watching the news.
The constant doom and gloom was having an adverse effect on my mental health so I switched off

Don't put it down put it away.

@VintageGibbon can I come and live with you?