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Original poster

***Trigger warning** self harm and DD over Russia

28 replies

Donaldfuck · 14/05/2022 18:43

Hi

I’ve posted about DD before, I spent last night at A&E with her as she had tried to cut her arms over her fear about nuclear war.

The cuts were superficial and no serious damage done to her. But when we came home and on advice from doctors to ask her to hand over her cutting implements she also told me she had planned to take a massive overdose and had been collating pills for when the apocalypse hits.

I have removed those as well, she has obviously been hoarding for a while as I hadn’t actually noticed them going.

I need some help here, I need someone very calm to tell me what I can say to my child as I’m at a loss and I’m clearly fucking this up.

Please help.

OP posts:
User3568975431146 · 14/05/2022 18:57

I'm so sorry that your both going through this.

Does your daughter have a psychiatrist by any chance?
I do have some experience in mental health nursing and my husband has been a psychiatric nurse for many years. It sounds as though she has a mental health problem and most likely a mental illness which, with the best will in the world, you're not going to be able to "fix" without the help of psychiatric services.

My guess is that what she's told you is probably the tip of the iceberg on what is going on in her head which must be awful for her, difficult to admit to and very frightening.

You can reassure her using every word in the dictionary but if her thoughts and beliefs are telling her something else, then her ability to absorb, believe, rationalise and adjust is going to be very limited.

If she isn't tied into psychiatric services please have a full and frank discussion with her and the GP about what is happening, the plans for overdose she had and the danger she may be to herself.

It's a difficult one and you'll be in my thoughts.

User3568975431146 · 14/05/2022 18:59

Oh and you're not messing anything up. She was honest with you and handed her stuff over to you which is a huge act of trust. My feeling is that this is something that both of you will need professional help with. 💐

Original poster
Donaldfuck · 14/05/2022 19:28

She doesn’t have a psychiatrist but is under camhs.

I have tried the MAD theory but she says I don’t have anything to back it up with.

OP posts:
bellac11 · 14/05/2022 19:33

It needs to be established if she is self harming to deal with feelings of anxiety or whether she is actively suicidal. There is a mixed picture here

What do you feel about safe self harm?

Calmdown14 · 14/05/2022 19:35

No advice in terms of her more specific mental health problems but in more general terms, do whatever you can to keep her off the internet, away from the news and more present in ordinary day to day life.

I found the beginning of the war completely terrifying. I think many people did. But worrying about it achieves nothing. I now check the BBC news online in the morning and then that's it. You can chose how much to consume and when to cut off.
Engaging more with friends and not reading endless amounts about it really lifts the cloud.
Is she in online chats or other things that are intensifying her worry?

alexdgr8 · 14/05/2022 19:44

how do you get on with her generally.
is she well disposed towards you; sounds like it, as she co-operated in handing over items, so that is a start anyway.
could you gradually try to get her doing more things with you. just little things, under the guise of helping you with some simple task, preferably something you can do alongside, together.
i think almost any activity can be therapeutic in attention diverting from gloomy thoughts. also limits time on internet. and builds comradship.
of course will need professional input too.
all the best.

Original poster
Donaldfuck · 14/05/2022 19:45

I don’t know if she is actively suicidal or has ideation based on what she thinks is going to happen. And I’m concerned that rather than wait and see this will escalate further.

She has self harmed in the past but this obsession with nuclear war is escalating. During covid she hid food supplies under her bed.

OP posts:
BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 14/05/2022 19:55

Can you contact camhs on Monday and explain what's been going on and try to get help?

In the meantime, remove all medication and sharp objects from the area. Can you control her internet access so she's not browsing worrying things?

bellac11 · 14/05/2022 20:14

Was she seen by crisis camhs at A+E and what have they offered following that incident?

Original poster
Donaldfuck · 14/05/2022 20:32

We get on generally ok she has ASD though so it can be very much a one sided relationship. She confides in me though so that is a blessing. I knew she had her concerns and is becoming obsessive. I keep saying look you were worried about getting sick from covid and that didn’t happen but I’m not sure her feeling a nuclear attack being imminent is on the same level. Whatever I say I seem to dig myself deeper. Her counter arguments are extraordinary.

OP posts:
Original poster
Donaldfuck · 14/05/2022 20:32

Sorry to add yes it’s been escalated to camhs by a&e docs.

OP posts:
bellac11 · 14/05/2022 20:37

Is that crisis camhs or locality camhs?

Crisis camhs should have completed an assessment and come out today or tomorrow

She should have had an assessment before being discharged at A+E or did she discharge herself?

She sounds like that she may have delusional flavour to her views/thoughts?

Original poster
Donaldfuck · 14/05/2022 21:01

I’m sorry I honestly don’t know I was in a state, she was in a state we were there for hours it was a mess. She was insisting nothing was wrong and becoming more and more distressed. I was told Camhs would be in touch. I asked could they please phone me urgently I have kept my phone glued to me. Nothing yet.

When we got in early hours I slept on her floor. She has asked me to sleep in there tonight too.

OP posts:
bellac11 · 14/05/2022 21:07

No worries OP, I was trying to establish if they had assessed her there and then (they should have but CAMHS are in a parlous state) and if so, it may have given a risk level which might have reassured you

Give them a chase on Monday

BundlePurgatory · 14/05/2022 21:16

What is she interested in? (Besides nuclear war!) When I was that age, being able to divert self-destructive tendencies into something else was a godsend. For me, I channeled my focus into martial arts, I was in control of my own movements and thoughts and threw my energies into it. If she is obsessive by nature, is there anything healthier that you could divert her obsessive streak towards?

LetitiaLeghorn · 14/05/2022 21:22

I don't know anything about ASD so I hesitate to give advice. But I used to cut myself too. Like her somewhat superficially. I didn't do it to die or for attention because no one ever knew. I did it because it comforted me and made me feel calm. Maybe it's similar for her. So although it's terrifying for you, it doesn't automatically mean it's a life threatening condition as there can be all sorts of skewed reasonings at work.

And you're not fucking up. These things are very personal to the person doing the self harm and really there was very little of anything that anyone could say to make me stop what I was doing. In reality, I think all you can do is keep the doors of communication, such as they are, open and encourage her to keep talking about her fears.

bellac11 · 14/05/2022 21:26

LetitiaLeghorn · 14/05/2022 21:22

I don't know anything about ASD so I hesitate to give advice. But I used to cut myself too. Like her somewhat superficially. I didn't do it to die or for attention because no one ever knew. I did it because it comforted me and made me feel calm. Maybe it's similar for her. So although it's terrifying for you, it doesn't automatically mean it's a life threatening condition as there can be all sorts of skewed reasonings at work.

And you're not fucking up. These things are very personal to the person doing the self harm and really there was very little of anything that anyone could say to make me stop what I was doing. In reality, I think all you can do is keep the doors of communication, such as they are, open and encourage her to keep talking about her fears.

Absolutely and thats why its important to know what the self harm delivers. It is to feel less anxious because of the feeling of the pain/harm, then thats why I wondered if OP would be able to work with safe self harm.

Original poster
Donaldfuck · 14/05/2022 21:28

I would work with whatever it takes for her to be ok. I’m doing this on my own and I’m absolutely heartbroken and scared shitless.

OP posts:
SRK16 · 14/05/2022 21:39

Are the doctors aware of this bit ‘she also told me she had planned to take a massive overdose and had been collating pills for when the apocalypse hits’
if not, strongly recommend you speak to CAMHS and escalate this on Monday (which I’m sure you will anyway, but it’s important for them to be aware of this).
There is a young minds parent helpline you could contact. Who is in your network that you can turn to for any emotional support? thinking of you x

Lifestooshort57 · 14/05/2022 21:48

OP, I've had psoriasis over the stress of exactly the same thing. Misdiagnosed three times as I've never had it before.

I'm going to try and link an article for your daughter to read...

Original poster
Donaldfuck · 14/05/2022 21:50

@SRK16 no the doctors didn’t know that bit s she had hidden them with the razors and pulled it all out when she got home.

OP posts:
GazeboLantern · 14/05/2022 21:57

When my dd was trying not to hurt herself, she painted herself instead. Facepaint or makeup, on her arms, legs, torso or face. All sorts of extravagance. She then usually wiped it off without showing me. I only know because she told me about it when she opened up about the self harm. It helped her in recovery as well.

Once dd had been having therapy for a while, and recognised that she needed help - and that it was ok to need help - we would sometimes use these sheets to help talk about the thoughts that upset her. At first it was very much that these were my sheets, she felt no ownership of them, almost as if they were too much for her. But eventually she asked for her own copies.

If they're not clear, Google 'unhelpful thinking patterns'. There are many variations.

You can't cure your dd. Don't blame yourself for that. She needs professionally trained help. But you can love her and support her as you are already doing.

***Trigger warning** self harm and DD over Russia
***Trigger warning** self harm and DD over Russia
Lifestooshort57 · 14/05/2022 21:58

I feel so bad for your daughter, I nearly had a nervous breakdown in March. I was convinced we'd all die and my child would be.left in some awful apocalyptic land.
The above article I linked is from insiders who know that beast well. They would disobey his orders. I hope this helps your daughter a little bit to know this. I get her anxiety and I hope it eases for her.

bellac11 · 14/05/2022 22:01

I really wouldnt encourage discussion about what Russia is or isnt doing. Anxiety and this type of delusional thinking isnt rooted in facts or logic and OP will simply end up in endless discussion trying to 'prove' things to her daughter

CAMHS need to risk assess and OP needs support to understand the level of risk and work out strategies or responses based on that

For example if the cutting is about managing the feelings, then she can put together an agreement, cuts not any deeper than x, not any wider than x, allow mum to clean up, use clean sharps etc etc. Or use other things to cause pain, ice cubes, tight elastic bands etc

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