I wish I was one of those flawless girls

[flumpadump]

Ever just feel really meh 😕? I used to be considered quite pretty when I was younger, I certainly didn't feel out of place anywhere I went and I felt comfortable in my own skin but lately I just feel like I have gotten really old and frumpy. I'm about 2 stone over weight, my hair never sits as well as it used to, I've become very aware that I have a short neck and now I feel like I have a small head on a massive body (😂) I cant really explain it but I keep looking at all the other very glam 38yrs olds at the school gate that always look amazing in their gym gear whereas I feel like a look like a fat frump. Anyone else feel this way? I just feel like If any one who hasn't seen me in the past 2 years saw me they would be really shocked at how ugly I am.

At least you're under 40! I've put on 2st in the last 2 years and am now an overweight, unstylish 44-year-old mum of a Year R pupil!

The thing is I've heard girls with 6 packs having kids saying they wasn't happy with pre birth body. Now get they can't look like that again. So whatever you look like a lot of people have insecurities. In 40 years back you will look back and think you will look young. I'm so far from perfect I'm not letting people indirectly put me down. I sounds hard as it can be at times as no one is a robot but enjoy your body. I'm a muscles women with wide hips and people think I'm pretty but no-one has slept with me without mentioning something I can improve so I've just come to the conclusion it's their problem.

Sorry you feel that way @flumpadump , I can sympathise..Dh had a friend round before so that we hadn’t seen in years and I just made something up so he didn’t have to have the shock of seeing me 😂 so no help but hoping on getting some advice too

Meh, are you healthy? Does your appearance impact your relationships or do people love you for who you are? Have you got fun hobbies? Good friends? A lover who chases you around the bedroom?

As I get older I care less about being polished and flawless - honestly no one cares

Also “flawless” is a construct by people who want to make money from you. No one gets rich from you feeling happy as you are

YABU. They might be awful, horrible people. They might have hideous period pain or spend half their life and income "maintaining" their look. If you got up close, chances are you'd see the inch thick foundation and manic eyebrow pencilling. By all means lose some weight, drink lots of water, tone up, get your hair done, but don't waste your energy on comparing yourself to something that isn't even real and feeling shit about yourself.

I actually find it a bit liberating!
when ive my leggings on and no makeup, hair in a bun : just pushing my baby in my pram - well aware that the men who would give me a look now starw through me as though invisable! Who was I trying to impress before? Im thinking of starting a life of low key crime, im so invisible!
my baby doesnt care - baby thinks im wonderful!
i was at a function last week, and i looked like an unregocnisable bombshell for 12 hours only! Haha next day back to my pjs as if it never happened.

practical advice : cool sunglasses. I wear sunglasses all year. And a cool jacket/coat.

Oh wow. This is me to a T

Lose two stone and you'll feel as good as them

Yes I'm a ducking mess and it really bothers me

I look fat, frumpy and dull.

I don't have any time or energy to do anything about it, but I have never been who I want to be on the outside. It doesn't reflect my wonderful technicolour personality. I should be glossy and glittery and glowing, instead I look like a turd. Sometimes a badly polished one

OP, I feel your pain. @Cornishmumofone I'm the same age with a DD about to start school and feel the same as you.

I've felt this way most of my life. I'm big boned, with wide shoulders and a short neck. My hair is thin, I have awful skin, and I'm just not attractive at all, plus I'm old on top of that. I've never turned a man's head in my life. LOL I've always been jealous of the graceful, small framed, gorgeous women.

I doubt they are flawless. They may look that way to you but to even look glamorous they probably spend an awful lot of time doing thing that make them so.

I find 2 things massively help me in feeling confident and more “me”:

1. exercise, so boring to say but it really works on making me feel better


2. fake tan. Avoiding being a tangerine but even some fake tan drops mixed in to facial moisturiser means that I don’t feel like a pasty ghost and don’t need to wear face make up much

are you sure about that?

Oh and actually one more thing-

buy clothes that fit and flatter you NOW. Don’t wear big baggy old crap because you want to lose weight before buying nice stuff, just buy the nice stuff and wear it in the size you are now

Just watching TOTP 1992 do you think any of them look like that now? Some of them are dead! Honestly over a certain age you are either a small sack of spuds or a big sack of spuds 🥔 Learn to love your lumps and bumps of course get healthy but I know I’ll just be a smaller feeling sack of spuds even after all the effort I put in to lose weight and get healthy and I’m happy with that. So is the person I allow to feel my lumps and bumps!

Haha I'm glad there's more than just me feeling this way. I'm actually happy in my wee bubble believe it or not and I have loveky friends, hubby and kids I guess I've just let myself go and I'm really feeling it these days. I also have a disfigurement in my face which knocks my confidence a bit but that can't be helped or changed lol

Nothing wrong in improving oneself but don’t stop living or keep putting yourself down life’s too short. I remember I had a boyfriend I loved passionately but we both knew that long term was not on the cards due to cultural differences so in a way it was very liberating because we were free just to be completely physical beings ( if you know what I mean). Anyway I had really bad adult acne and I was always trying to hide it with make up at all hours of the night and he just said to me do you really think I’m looking at your spots when we are making each other feel the way we feel during sex (not just the normal orgasms you get with sex but the mind blowing multiple body shaking orgasms). That was a big turning point for me in life and I’m so glad I met him and had a wonderful year with him and when it ended we parted on good terms too.

Always remember that the external is not indicative of the internal.
Don't bog yourself down imagining that people who look a certain way must be happier than you.

Exactly - life is about so much more than your appearance. A bit of extra weight never killed anyone (it's not like you are morbidly obese right?). If you really want to lose it go for it but don't kid yourself it will make you happier. If anything you'll probably be more obsessed with your looks. What does frumpy even mean? You won't be youthfully pretty forever (you can always be beautiful though) but why focus on that as you age?

I read something once that said don’t wish for it, work for it.

made sense to me however I continue to wish for it whilst eating biscuits

Nah, I don't feel like this. I'm covered in tattoos anyway so I'd never look glam even if I lost a couple of stones which I need to really!

Yep. Healthy, strong and happy.

Drink the water, take up some exercise - walking (ideally with company) and some dumbbells for home (free programs on YouTube). Have a look at your diet and cut out the crap (mostly, it's good to have some treats). Get your hair done. Get your brows done. Get some lvl lashes, then all you'll need is a bit of tinted moisturiser and bronzer.

This is what I did after I had DD. I list 1.5 stone over a year. I'm 43 and I feel great. I had a fat stomach after DD and I felt grumpy because I couldn't get nice clothes to fit well. I know how you feel but if you make some small changes, you'll start to feel better.

They probably have their own insecurities too.

I'm a size 8 and occasionally wear gym leggings to do the school run... but it's usually because I have got behind on the laundry and have no clean jeans. I admire the mums that are wearing actual outfits....unlike me who chucks on leggings a cardigan and flowery trainers at 8.30 while telling "we're going to be late!" at DS1.