I wish I was one of those flawless girls

[flumpadump]

Ever just feel really meh 😕? I used to be considered quite pretty when I was younger, I certainly didn't feel out of place anywhere I went and I felt comfortable in my own skin but lately I just feel like I have gotten really old and frumpy. I'm about 2 stone over weight, my hair never sits as well as it used to, I've become very aware that I have a short neck and now I feel like I have a small head on a massive body (😂) I cant really explain it but I keep looking at all the other very glam 38yrs olds at the school gate that always look amazing in their gym gear whereas I feel like a look like a fat frump. Anyone else feel this way? I just feel like If any one who hasn't seen me in the past 2 years saw me they would be really shocked at how ugly I am.

There are no flawless girls

There are hours apent on make-up, lighting tricks and filters.

I absolutely could have written this. I decided today to go for a different hairstyle so I've made an appointment and I've just been trawling through websites looking for clothes ideas as I'm determined to make a change. I've recently had a baby which hasn't helped with the self confidence but have felt like this for a long time before.

Its so easy to believe that you will be happier when you're slimmer, look better etc. I'm older than you by nearly 10 years and tbh wish I looked like I did when I was 38, I was a good stone lighter and whilst I'm a healthy weight, I'm considerably bigger. TBH though I'm now trying to make piece with not having the will power to lose weight cause it basically means going hungry and having to radically change your eating habits. I also sympathize with the facial disfigurement, I have a noticeable eye problem and I hate knowing that everyone notices it, I look absolutely terrible in photos cause of it, its taken a lot to try and get past it.

Agree about little things making you feel better. Fake tan ( I used the Nivea Q10 tinted body lotion), exercise (I usually manage my 10,000 steps a day), nice clothes now not when you're the weight you want to be, having your hair done, although I dye mine myself etc. At the primary school my boys used to go to, there were a couple of very glam Mums who were both about 10 years younger than me. Whilst they are both gorgeous, they both have massively complicated love lives and seemed to spend a lot of money on their looks, not judging btw its their right. Sometimes I think when you've been gorgeous, you have further to fall when you hit your 40s/50s and menopause etc.

Very sorry I meant to start a new thread...will try to remove this

It’s all a choice isn’t it though? The glamorous 38 year olds at the school gates in gym gear are choosing to keep themselves fit and healthy, you’re not. Sorry if I sound cruel but they’re working really hard to keep fit so they’re not 2 stone overweight, it isn’t just handed to them on a plate.

I get you. All the women I went to school with look great and I look not so great, but losing a bit of weight and wearing nice clothes that suit me, nails done-I got a home gel kit so it is not an expensive faff and always wearing make up, also agree with another op, sunglasses and a cool coat are essential. Until the other day I did not realise how much it has helped but I had to pop into town in baggy joggers, tee and hoody and felt both awful and invisible.

Yes, I agree with this to a point. I have friends who say "it's OK for you, you don't need to lose weight, can eat what you want..." I bloody can't! I'm up at 5.30 to get to the gym, I count calories and am stressed with family issues and work which dampens my appetite 😟

Things aren't always what they seem but most people do have to put in the effort to look (even just a bit) flawless.

Meh, think we all feel that way after a certain age - and so people really need to work at it to look anything like flawless (although no-one is actually flawless).

so it’s all about priorities - you could also look like those women if you really wanted to and were happy to make the effort- but it doesn’t mean that your life will be any happier

most important thing is taking care of health as we get older

I started to feel abit like what happened now i am 33 and put on abit of weight, I try and do what I did in my 20s when I looked better so I have been putting abit of fake tan on my face and it makes all the difference aswel as changing the tone of your hair

What a relief to give up any pressure of being flawless!
In my 20s, I promised myself I would never be one of those women who I perceived had 'let themselves go'. Now I can see that they knew something that with my perspective at that time, I couldn't possibly know. - What it feels like on the inside to have run out of fucks to give. It's great!

I hope you can get to a place of feeling happier in your skin.
Happy, healthy, strong.

How do you feel about your friend who aren't flawless? I'm guessing no differently to those that are? I find picturing my friends and trying to feel the same kindness towards myself is really helpful.

I felt exactly like this, until I started running two years ago. It's given me such a boost. I'm mentally in a better place, healthier and weigh less.