Why hasn’t CBT/therapy etc helped me?

[Nocrispsinthehouse]

I have had anxiety since I was a small child and combined anxiety/depression throughout my adult life (now 49, and it’s the worst it’s ever been).
I have always felt that my anxiety is really deep set and ridged (I don’t know how else to describe it). I had many issues as a child. Major panic, anxiety, OCD’s, existential fears, phobias etc. These issues were never addressed by my parents and it was all put down as my ‘thing’, my personality trait, just me being me.
Over the years I have tried so many things to help. I have had endless counselling sessions, lots of CBT sessions, hypnotherapy, have seen a Psychologist, had EMDR, mindfulness etc............nothing has helped long term no matter how much effort and time I give it.
Whenever I read about anxiety and depression there are so many who will say CBT and therapy etc helped them out of this dark hole.
But they have little impact on me. Why haven’t they helped me? I have given it my all with these things but it’s as though I am more anxiety than actual me and I will never be able to take over the reins.
Has anyone else with mental health issues struggled like this?

Did anything help you?

CBT won't cure depression. There IS no cure for depression although you can take medication to numb the feeling.

Re the anxiety, yes I would have thought it would help that. How long did you do CBT for and where did you find the therapist from?. I find that with therapy, you need to find someone who specalises in your particular issues. I also find that the best ones are ones who studied the subject at university and then have consistently practised - the worst ones are the ones who re-trained in their 40's because their friends all told them they were a good listener 😀

How did you find yours?

The only thing that helped my DH was antidepressants. CBT etc was no use.

Have you ever looked at information on how autism can present in girls and women?
Might not be relevant to you at all, but might worth a look.

Another thought - anxiety can be a major symptom of perimenopause. You're that age, so maybe worth considering? Some women find HRT relieves this. I've chosen not to go down that path myself but do take medication for the first time in my life.

Was also going to suggest this.

Therapy alone doesn’t cut it for me. I take Prozac, though my dose fluctuates depending on the depression. Day to day I take the lowest dose, during a flare up I get prescribed a bit higher. That gave me the ability to focus on the point of therapy and really put it into practice.

I’ve had periods off ADs because of the stigma of taking them, really. I was ashamed of needing them. But my life is so much better consistently taking them- I’m creative, more energised, more capable, and genuinely able to experience happiness in a way I couldn’t ever quite reach without them. The closest I would get was like I would know I was happy rationally but not be able to feel it. Or, know I was sad for a reason but instead just felt dead inside. The combination allows me to exist as a whole human being again.

For some people, anxiety and depression are caused in large part by brain chemistry making it harder to respond to triggering situations with resilience. No amount of CBT will make your brain produce the correct quantities and combinations of chemicals.

Medication is the answer for those people.

What type of CBT and where? It is often offered as a quick fix these days but it won't address deep-seated issues because it's not for that really. Same with counselling, it depends hugely on the type and the counsellor's training. A lot of counselling is supportive rather than really geared towards change.

Personally the only type of therapy that has worked for me is psychoanalytic therapy with someone who'd done a rigorous training and had a lot of experience. This type of therapy is not popular on the NHS because it tends to take longer (and as such, costs more) and because people sometimes struggle to stick to it as it is often quite difficult before you start seeing the benefits.

It’s never worked for me either. None of it. 3 rounds CBT have failed. Mindfulness failed, partly because l just didn’t have the time to invest in it. But what working person with children does? EDMR provided some relief but it didn’t last.

Currently waiting for Pyschotherapy. I had situational disorder which blew up into full in permanent anxiety at the menopause.

How about a person centred therapist who has an understanding of Neurodivergence. All the therapies you've tried sound like direct ones, I think you need something a bit deeper which person centred can be.

Another that was going f to suggest this.

There is nothing in your post that screams autism to me but I am a late diagnosed autistic woman. CBT has never done a thing for me. It often doesn't with neurodivergent people. Autistic people very often suffer with anxiety, as a result of masking and their needs not being met.

Might be worth a bit of research.

I was diagnosed with anxiety, OCD, phobia, panic - all throughout my teens, 20's and 30's. No amount of therapy (and I had a tonne) helped long term. Medication took the edge off but never solved the issue. Diagnosis made sense but also didn't account for the inability to cope with certain situations and be fine in others.

I read about adult ADHD in women, and finally understood I'd been misdiagnosed all my life. The anxiety, OCD etc was symptomatic of a much larger problem - I was diagnosed in Oct, started treatment in January and have improved so much.

I'm not saying this is the case for you necessarily, but I would recommend to any woman who has underlying, non specific anxiety that isn't responding to treatment with medication/therapy to look outside the box at things like ADHD, ASD, BPD/EUPD etc because the anxiety/depression can be a symptom rather than a diagnosis.

DenholmElliot I have had 5 separate CBT over 10 years. 2 were private and 3 via the NHS. 3 were for 6 weeks each and the others were 12 and 14 weeks. I still try to implement the things I have been taught but they don’t touch the anxiety atm, it’s overwhelming. In recent years it honestly feels like I have little control over it, it feels chemical/hormonal maybe?
KangarooKenny I do feel antidepressants could help and have wanted to take them but am scared, my mum took them on/off most of her life and now has Alzheimer’s and I am so worried they may have contributed although I appreciate that’s my anxiety talking!
Punxsutawneydimenw my dd is being assessed for inattentive ADHD and the more I look into this the more I feel I may have always had some kind of neuro diverse issue but I am worried no one will take me seriously at 49!
WildCoast It definitely has become worse since my mid 40’s.

@Nocrispsinthehouse antidepressants do not cause Alzheimer's, but they do cause anti-depression. Honest to god, just take the pills.

Medication is really effective for me. I don’t agree with a previous poster who said that it numbs you. In my experience SSRI’s turn up the volume on the good experiences and let me enjoy life rather than merely exist.

I did CBT when I was younger and I wasn’t really ready to challenge my own way of thinking so it all sort of washed over me?

OP - if you pursued an ADHD diagnosis, trust me they absolutely take you seriously at any age - I'm 37 and was diagnosed at 36, and have known women of 60+ to be diagnosed! The only issue is the NHS is currently crippled with referrals and can take a very long time to formally be diagnosed unless you go privately (which is also back logged) - you'd pay for the assessment, period of titration, and medication.

I started Sertraline January 2021. My life has been changed for the better. Don't feel that meds aren't worth a try, because they could well be the best treatment. They don't turn me into a zombie, they just help my brain keep hold of serotonin to allow me to feel more positive and react to situations in a more rational way than I may have done in the past.

Exactly the same story here. Been in and out of therapy for years, tried different antidepressants and nothing has touched it. Just finished another six months of CBT which did nothing. I’m now on the waiting list for an adhd assessment, and autism has been strongly suggested by the mental health workers currently working with me. Hopefully I’ll get some answers!

This! Just take the pills. There is a history of anxiety and depression in my family. 1000s wasted on therapy, cbt etc the only thing that worked is anti depressant. You wouldn't be reluctant to take insulin for diabetes, just try them and see.

hepaticanobilis I have had CBT focused purely on anxiety/depression, then for health anxiety and IBS. I am currently having person centred therapy, not sure if that is similar to psychoanalytical therapy?
ArseInTheCoOpWindow my Perimenopause has most definately caused the same, the anxieties and mental health issues I have had all my life have sky rocketed since my mid 40’s.
ZenKaleiscope I am currently receiving person centred therapy although the therapist doesn’t have much experience in neuro diverse conditions as we have already discussed this.
myminisamuckingfuddle The more I research neuro diverse issues the more I can relate. I feel that I may have had inattentive ADHD all my life maybe with overlapping autistic traits? I had so, so many issues as a child but they were not addressed by my parents and by the time I entered adulthood I had started to learn how to mask, I totally understand masking and feel I have done this from a very early age.
PollyDarton1 The more Imlook into ADHD in women the more it makes sense, more than any other condition which has been suggested to me in the past. I also beleive my 14 year old dd may have it and maybe my 16 year old ds (he has had lots of issues and recently diagnosed with dyslexia). I genuinely am concerned the GP won’t take me seriously though. Sadly, I can not afford a private assessment but will ask about the right to chose system.
LindaEllen Thank you, did you experience any unwanted side effects? I have IBS and am concerned the meds will exacerbate things which are already bad.
Genevieve99 Thank you. My current therapist has also suggested I may have inattentive ADHD. Good luck, I hope you finally get some answers. Many of us have struggled for far too long.

@MolliciousIntent

www.alzheimers.org.uk/categories/treatments-and-therapies/antidepressants#:~:text=Certain%20antidepressants%20and%20bladder%20medications,in%20the%20British%20Medical%20Journal.

The risk is from anticholinergic antidepressants, which aren't commonly prescribed, you'd be much more likely to be given SSRIs.

This research only relates to anticholinergic anti-depressants Amitriptyline, Dosulepin and Paroxetine. The majority of anti depressants subscribed as not of this type.

Fdora Thank you. We were told this by my mum’s consultant hence the reason I am very apprehensive to take antidepressants, my mum took lots over the years. I don’t want to rule them out as obviously a life half lived isn’t much of a life but as anyone who has a loved one with dementia will know, it’s a bloody awful disease.

@Wheretheskyisblue highfive