How can I manage this situation at work?!

[pricklyporcupine]

I have worked for my company pt for 3 years and 2.5 years wfh, my boss suggested it when I said I needed to wfh but I accepted it might not work for him and was happy for him to hire someone else as at the time I hadn't been there very long. He said all I'd have to do is buy a laptop so I did that and I've been wfh ever since.

Fast forward to now, everything was working ok (I thought anyway) until I went into the office at Christmas and he was really angry at me, I don't know why but he was so rude to me that the whole office went silent, he was accusing me of being close by to the office but never visiting (I couldn't in lockdown and there was never any expectations I would go in the office anyway plus I have moved away which he knew about and even said good luck with the move so am definitely not close to the office at all and rarely go anywhere near it but I do pop in the office when I'm close) he didn't believe me when I say I don't really come that way anymore.

on this occasion I was in the area so I offered to pop in and it was my day off. He then made me work in the office and when I said I had to go to collect my dc from school he just ignored me and I had to ring the school to arrange for them to stay late.

Anyway since then he has been quite mean to me. Treating me worse than everyone else.

I am trying to stick it out and find a new job but Im finding it hard to find a 100% wfh replacement job. I don't know what to do now. It's really really affecting my mh. I think about what im doing wrong in the job constantly and am now so anxious im logging on everyday even when I'm not working and going to sleep worrying I've not done enough. He also keeps giving me so much work it's impossible to get it done in my hours. I've raised it with him and he starts quoting things that I should be quicker at by now which justifies his giving me more work. It's actually not true because the company has grown a lot and the work load for me has almost doubled but I have had no pay rise the whole time I've been here and tbh am too scared to ask for one.

He's also refusing to answer the phone to me and only me. If I call he lets it go to voicemail. I think he is trying to push me out but I can't afford to just leave until I find a new job.

I don't know what to do anymore. He's now accusing me of things that are beyond normal. I want to get out and am sat here crying as he has been emailing me constantly all morning on a nasty manner. I can't get my actual job done because he's trying to have an argument about something over email. I've tried to call so that it's not constant emails back and forth and again he ignores me. Just at a loss now.

He sounds like a nasty bully.
What discussions did you have on Teams meetings with him while WFH 're working in the office? Do you have anything in writing about office working/WFH?

Ok first things first: do not let this man upset you, it is a job and not worth your upset.

Next:

• check your contract - what does it say about WFH and is this a formal agreement?


• request a meeting to discuss your exact objectives. If he gives you more work than you can do come up with a plan “I have time to do XYZ tasks but you’ve asked me also do to ABC. What would you like me to drop to make room for the new tasks?”


• make sure everything is in writing. I actually much prefer emails to phone calls anyway so this would work in your favour as everything would be documented


• have an informal chat with HR to get this on their radar. They may be able to advise you better


• think about what you can do to meet him halfway. He’s obviously unhappy with your WFH and standard of work - is there a mismatch in expectations? Could you do one day a week in the office? If so, discuss this with him when objective setting


• id also continue to look for new jobs

the main thing here is that he is managing this really badly, but you do have some flexibility and scope. Try and plan ahead to meet him halfway with what he’s obviously unhappy with, come up with a solution so that he can see the value in your work. He sounds a terrible manager so it’s up to you to manage him!

good luck

I have no advice but I am so sorry that he is treating you like this. It's disgusting.

I think a true contracted 100% WFH job will be difficult. Most are hybrid, mine says something like "workplace: home, with the expectation to travel to various offices as required'.

Why do you need to WFH? Are you using it to be able to drop off / pick up kids / childcare?

Thanks for the reply I don't even have a contract. I've asked for one and he kept saying he'd give me one.

It's a very small company it's just him and another business partner and a few other workers. I am so down about it all. I work very hard work many hours beyond my contracted ones and he just keeps giving me more and more. Recently I've gotten to a point where I've had to to say I can't do it but it makes him so angry.

I am applying for jobs but haven't even got any offers to interview yet. My mh is so bad now because of all of this I've started to believe I can't do my job. I know it's not me deep down but I'm a right mess now.

There is no HR

Please talk to ACAS asap, and consider joining a union.

You have a verbal contract. Do you have anything in writing from him, emails or texts?

If you've worked there for two years you have rights, contract or no contract so it sounds like he is trying to push you out so you leave rather than they make you redundant or whatever.

It is up to you whether your mental health can stand it but if it can I'd stay there and look for a hybrid job (wfh 💯 very rare) and negotiate with the new place.

Good luck

Yes am using wfh to facilitate school pick-up drop offs plus school holiday childcare as I am on a low wage.

We also only have one car which we work around dh job and me doing the school runs (school too far to walk)

Would be a great expense for us to get a second car and we don't live near any public transport (we're rural)

I do have emails outlining my original hours and start date. I have been saving emails that are particularly aggressive. Today is one such day. He's accusing me of something that I wouldn't even be able to do from home. When I've challenged this he's said he didn't know I couldn't do this from home and his reply actually contradicts his earlier accusations.
Just tired of these interactions.
Can anyone join a union?

Sorry am I reading this right - you use WFH as time for childcare during holidays because you can’t afford other childcare? Are you able to do your job during that time, how old are your children?

Yes my dc are 8&9 and in the holidays I work 3 hours everyday and set them extra school work such as maths workouts to do, leave them snacks and sit in the same room to supervise them but the room is split in two halves so they're not in my work space if that makes any sense. They are good dc and don't really cause much of a problem. I would never 'not work' during my hours, or if there was a problem I'd be honest and make up the time. In school times I work 3 x 5 hour days around the school run.

I do not have to make phone calls unless my boss is sending me constant emails that's the only time I really need to use the phone, I only really email and even then it's an admin job that is mainly a solo one requiring not much communication between anyone. I earn slightly more than the minimum wage.

I accept that may happen in a new job and am willing to change this setup rather than my mh go to pot but I don't see myself easily getting to a work place without purchasing a new car or doing the school drop offs.

I accept this may not happen in a new job*

What is the company set up? I'd join a union pesonally but they usually have a 3 month wait before they will accompany you to meetings etc.

Is there a manager of your manager or is he the actual boss? Is there a HR dept?

Thanks @AlisonDonut for that info. No this man owns the company with one other person.
I think I will have to continue to look for a job and try to change things around to allow me to go into a workplace where possible then. I can't just leave this job though as we're already down to the last penny as it is. My dh is also trying to get a better paid job to help.
Just hard I suppose.

Why not ask for a sit down and find out what he has an issue with exactly?

It might be a complete misunderstanding that can be easily resolved.

• I think you would be entitled to call a one to one meeting with him to discuss your terms & conditions & your worries and most importantly take a trusted 3rd party, a colleague, to that meeting.

*Anyone can join a union. Look up ACAS.

*It sounds like he is trying to make a case to dismiss you? From what you say, it sounds like “constructive dismissal.” Look it up.

*He is a bully so also Google “Work place bullying.” This might give you an insight into what he’s doing.

*Keep a daily journal of incidents. Buy an exercise book to write it up or keep a document on Word on your laptop. Keep emotion out of it. Write down the scenario and then under a separate heading “How it made me feel.” This will help you if you need to take further action.

Sending you a huge hug. Years ago I was bullied in my workplace but I hope all of the above will help you. Keep yr chin up!

If you can't just leave, you need to think about managing it till you can leave.

Can you speak to the other owneat all, or aren't they invited in management?

Anyone can join a union. The TUC website has a union-finder tool to help you find a suitable one. My employer doesn't have a recognised union (not enough employees are members,) so when I had an issue, I had an external union rep with me, and thank goodness for that!

Hmm… I had this when I moved into a house that is bigger and better than my boss… 6 years and he flipped, passive aggression, and eventually picking on me, making shit up and then raging at me, and attempting to have me disciplined for not attending a non essential meeting with him

the ONLY thing that changed was the fact I moved in with my oh, and into a fuck off house

my advice is to keep records of all of his behaviour towards you. Make sure you have all the evidence you need in case this blows up

have you discussed this change in him with your colleagues? What have they said?

Constructive unfair dismissal is extremely hard to prove.

it cost a fucking fortune too. Waaaaay beyond the means of most people.

so make sure you have as much written evidence just in case, make it a total slam dunk on your part and if the worst happens you have all the ammunition you need to force a settlement

you DONT want to take this to court. I settled and for a decent amount but it didn’t cover what we’d spent

the only plus was that THEY paid out way more than I did.

What happened when you went in on your non working day? Did you go in planning to work?

I went in because he was texting me incessantly about something. I did not plan to work other than to quickly give him a password to log into something he couldn't remember the pw to and if I had been at home I'd have emailed it but I was helping my friend decorate their house near where my work office is.

When I went into the office he started to say things like I didn't know you were in the area, it was my day off, I have popped in before when I have time and I'm in the area prior to covid to be sociable but that was no more than about two times in a year and I now hardly ever go to the area, I didn't really have time that day to go in because I had to collect the dc from school and was embarrassed about my old scruffy clothes too but he was getting more and more angry in his texts, even my friend said oh dear you better go in so I did.

A month later I got a clothes voucher sent to me. They tried to pass it off as my bonus that year but Im sure it was a dig at my scruffy clothes as I was the only person who got a clothes voucher, everyone else got a cash bonus.

Meant to say I'd been in scruffy clothes because was helping my friend with decorating her house...

I don’t understand why you couldn’t just call him or text the password, if you can email it you can text it.

tne truth here is he wants you gone and no longer wants a stranded worker, he also doesn’t believe you’re working he thinks you’re sat at home doing child care and taking his money , that’s why he’s giving you more work.

just keep looking for another job but the requirement that you can only work from home is one that will be problematic for you.