If you have ADHD, how do you get your children to school/ anywhere on time?

[LateAF]

We’re on our 7th late this term, 25th this academic year. The times the kids are on time to school are when my partner who doesn’t have ADHD takes them. However, he works away a lot so I do need to take them about half the time.

It is getting pretty embarrassing now and I don’t want them to learn that being late is normal.

If you’re a parent with ADHD- how do you manage your time to get your children to school early? I’ve tried everything- packing the night before, waking them up earlier. But when it’s time to leave there’s always something that hasn’t been done or that I can’t find, and then we’re late, again.

What do you find works for you? Please don’t comment if you don’t have ADHD - this isn’t for you. I just want ADHD friendly advice please.

Well, I have ADHD, which means I also have medication for ADHD. Proper treatment for your ADHD sounds needed.
How old are your children? My guess is unless they are all under 6, they probably have ADHD too if they can’t get themselves ready and sorted for school. My 2 eldest have already been diagnosed, and I don’t think my 3rd child will be far behind!

I set timers and alarms with labels on my phone for every job that needs to be done.

My ds is under assessment for autism and adhd. He's hard work on the morning, constantly distracted with the tablet, putting the TV on, not wanting to brush his tea being slow with his breakfast His sister is a massive help and does the breakfast whilst I sort the clothes but I'm constantly on him. How old is he. My ds is 6 and he likes to burn off steam so I try to encourage him to get ready by saying we can walk and get his scooter. We now got a puppy and that's really helping him getting him involved.

@4timesthefun They are 3 and 5. Youngest is at the school attached preschool full-time so is also marked late.

I’m unmedicated but when I tried medication it really made me feel very anxious and my appetite disappeared so I lost a lot of weight (I’m already small).

I’ve tried that but my phone is a massive source of distraction for me so I had to stop. I found I’d go on my phone to look at what needed to be done next and somehow spend 10 minutes scrolling on Pinterest!!

There's lots of different types of medication to try. Stimulants and non stimulants. Some of the side effects of the stimulants wear off after a while. Perhaps go back and see what other options there are.

I had undiagnosed adhd when my child was school age. We were late a lot, nothing I tried seemed to sort it completely.

I do wonder if my eldest had ADHD- the school has raised concerns a couple of times but I’m not sure how much of his behaviour is normal 5 year old behaviour and how much is atypical. But he is so easily distracted - will do everything except for what is asked. But then once in a blue moon will have a perfect day hitting all targets - I see a lot of myself in him in terms of his inconsistent output. He also has serious medical condition which mean he’s monitored all the time and has to be tested/ given medication regularly throughout the day. I think we both (my eldest DS and I) find this hard to manage!

Do you have a checklist of everything that needs to be done so you can work through it each morning and don't find yourself with last minute back and forth. Something like:

Wake up 7am
Check tomorrows calendar for advance notification on costumes/special events
Wash
Teeth
Brush/style hair
Breakfast 7.15am
Pack lunch
Check bag has homework, lunch, special school event stuff (£1 coin, odd socks etc)
Place shoes, coat, hat, sunglasses, sun cream next to front door
8am shoes coat etc on
8.15am leave the house

Try to have:

• visible clock in every room
• a watch on your wrist
• all clothes, yours and your kids, and school backpacks with sports stuff ready the night before, by the door or in the same place in the house, ready to be picked up
• breakfast items (whathever kids and you have in the morning) are in the same place, so easy to find
• lunchboxes prepared night before
• you must get out of bed on 5-4-3-2-1, no hesitation, no "thinking about it"
• think of it as "the most important task for the day is that "everyone is out of house on time" mission.
• Reward yourself on each improvement

All those steps are based on my own experience, I have Adhd. When my kids were small I didn't know that I had it. But came up with those strategies and they worked.

Think of it as "automation". People with Adhd must automate as many things as possible to remove distraction and having to make decisions, as much as possible. This has been advised as one of most important strategies.

It may mean going to sleep earlier, buying an extra set of school uniform, changing your routine as to when stuff for kids or school are washed etc. But this will save your sanity and prevent you getting a burn out in long term.

It will take time but observe how each step to automate and streamline your morning is improving your day. Your mood will improve too.

I have a checklist but not in that level of detail. l’ll try one like your example tonight/ tomorrow.

It was the sun cream that got me this morning. Couldn’t find it anywhere and by the time I found it and put it on the children we were already late. But if suncream had been on a checklist then I mihht have already looked for it the night before.

ADHD is inconsistent. I occasionally have those days to when I am "on it!!" Really productive, articulate, together. I think that's what it's like to be NT! I used to think "god I must keep this up this is so much better". But now I know I just occasionally have a good dopamine day or something and it'll all go back to shit the next day!

I do have ADHD, and medication, but being late isn’t something that’s a problem for me. Well it is, in that I’m always anxious about it, but it’s one of the things I can manage well. For me it’s a very set routine with no deviation. Boring, but works.

I am very aware of my terrible time blindness and somehow just don’t let this happen in the mornings. Up as soon as the alarm goes off (6.15) and stick rigidly to the timings that we need (DD out at 7.20, DS and I out at 7.50). I don’t allow myself to do any ‘unscheduled’ tasks as I can’t know how long they will take (eg watering plants or something!).

DD started school in September. I found the first term stressful. I've had to set a routine, which is something I've managed without in other areas of life so far. I know we have to stick to this or we're doomed:

7:40 - wake DD up, have 20 minutes of wake up time (she needs some good quality attention from me in the morning before she's ready to start the day)
8:00 - clean teeth, wash face, get dressed
8:20 - go downstairs for breakfast
8:30 - I put DD's bags/water bottle in the car while she finishes breakfast
8:40 - shoes on and leave the house

This builds in 10 minutes contingency for things taking slightly longer for any reason. I only shower myself every other day. On that day I get up at 7:20 so that I'm out of the shower and dressed before DD needs to start her tasks.

The routine very deliberately avoids a need to go back upstairs once we're downstairs (hence clean teeth and getting dressed before breakfast even though this means she might be going to school with porridge on her clothes - so be it!)

I make sure that I know where her bookbag, PE kit, water bottle, car keys are before I go to bed every evening because it's the looking for things that loses time.

I think DD may also have ADHD so she needs constant reminding that she needs to get on with whatever task. It means I have to be upstairs while she's getting dressed to ensure that progress is being made.

To be honest I think this will get easier for you fairly soon. Having two young children is always going to be hard work in the mornings while you're getting used to having a deadline to be somewhere at 9am!

@TooManyPJs
ADHD is inconsistent. I occasionally have those days to when I am "on it!!" Really productive, articulate, together. I think that's what it's like to be NT! I used to think "god I must keep this up this is so much better". But now I know I just occasionally have a good dopamine day or something and it'll all go back to shit the next day!

So true! That’s what I’m like when I write a job application or do an interview. Then I actually have to do the thing and … ‘aahhhhh, that was a ‘good’ day. Now I remember what I’m actually like. Shit. Another 3 years of blagging and masking then…’

DH does mornings/school drop off here and is currently going through diagnosis process. I've found the following has been helpful in decreasing his stress and they are more successful at leaving on time:

Basket for each dc (2 &5) downstairs with complete uniform/outfit. Gets put together day/night before, must be done before bed.

Lunches made night before

Training each dc to get their basket after breakfast and get dressed from it (with DH's help). Also to put their things back in the right place (or at least general area)

Joint calendar reminder at 6am for every/any point of difference- PE day, library day etc. I manage this for him but he knows to check and it pops up when he's making his coffee.

Watch linked to phone so reminders get seen even if his phone isn't with him.

Station by the front door with a specific hook/basket/shelf for key items like bags, jackets, hats, shoes.

School forms/homework completed and returned to bag night before

Mini whiteboard with dc's regular activities listed against each day

Breakfast made night before (overnight oats with extras) so there is minimal complaints/fuss.

Getting DH to have a strict routine of breakfast/clothes/bags/leave. This works well but any change in routine throws him off completely.

Google calendars that schedule pretty much every minute of my life and an excessive amount of alexa alarms that tell me what to do and when to do it and also just alarms for "12pm" "12:30" etc so I don't loose track of time.

True, I should get a clock in every room! I hadn’t thought of that. My mornings are spent shouting “Alexa what’s the time” with increasing levels of panic. The only clock I have is on my phone and in the kids bedroom. Perhaps would be helpful to have a visual aid of time passing.

also I should get more uniforms and school socks- I had wanted to do that but felt guilty at spending more money when not strictly necessary. But that would definitely help as sometimes I can’t prepare the uniform the night before because I need to hang it to dry overnight. I might get 6 sets (just in case one goes missing).

I’ll have a think today at how to automate our mornings , combined with the detailed list a PP mentioned.

Don't feel guilty about buying more socks! DD has ten pairs (still couldn't bloody find a pair this morning!) as I know that looking for socks is one of the biggest time-wasters in this house.

I’m waiting to be assessed, but it’s just me and her so I have to be on it.

i basically keep to the same timings every morning. Alexa helps, either with reminders or I am constantly asking her the time. Timers for stuff.

i have to have things ready the night before, clothes, food etc. dragging myself out of bed is hard, I generally head for a coffee first.

i find it very stressful. We make it every day, but I’m exhausted by the time I do it. It’s certainly not easy.

I’m not sure if my kid has it, but we both get v anxious about being late which helps.

most of the time we make it out but I do forget things regularly.

Don't feel guilty about spending money to improve your life. It will benefit every one in your family.

Definitely extra uniform and socks. Makes life a whole lot easier!

@audweb try to automate your mornings, your exhaustion can lead to a burnout.

I do the following:

I get up 15 minutes earlier than I think I need to

I supervise every single step of my kids getting ready and check in on them every couple of minutes (eldest has major adhd traits, and needs the prompting).

I get my 5 year old dressed myself (he is waiting for an ASD assessment, also has some traits of ADHD, and cannot dress himself in the morning yet)

We do everything in the same order every day- breakfast, get dressed, shoes, out of the house

The kids have school dinners most days, because I cannot also make packed lunches and get them out of time, it's too much

Everything we need in the morning is in the same place, under the stairs by the shoes and coats- school bags, winter hats, summer hats, wellies, thin coats, thick coats, gloves, spare bags, book bags, empty lunch bags, sunglasses. Its all there, even spare hair bobbles. In the summer I will put the suncream there too, so that I dont have to move from one spot to get everyone sorted.

Once a child is ready for school- dressed, shoes, coat, bag- I send them to the front door and they wait there, they are not allowed back into the main house. Once all 3 kids are there, I get my own shoes on, coat, keys and join them.

If they miss a timer- eg get up too late for breakfast- they miss that "thing" in favour of being out on time, they eat biscuits or fruit or a sandwich on the way to school on those days which are now rare thankfully. If I've not been organised enough to make sure there is school uniform, they wear whatever is clean (eg a plain tshirt instead of a school tshirt).

Most days my DH takes them once they are ready, but when he's away I have to, and on those days I have my breakfast and coffee etc once I get home after dropping them off. I cannot get myself AND the kids properly ready for school on time, so I do the bare minimum for myself and sort myself out afterwards.

I don’t allow myself to do any ‘unscheduled’ tasks as I can’t know how long they will take (eg watering plants or something!).

wow I need this approach. I always think “I’ll just, water the plant, fold this pile of laundry, read this book to the children” but it’s never just anything- my concept of time is appalling. I’ll impose this rule on myself going forward - no unscheduled tasks allowed in the morning.

so glad I posted - so many helpful tips I hadn’t thought of before.

I don’t allow myself to do any ‘unscheduled’ tasks as I can’t know how long they will take (eg watering plants or something!).

This - 100% I am absolutely dreadful for this. My concept of time is truly aspirational so I don't allow myself any extra tasks on school mornings. There's only one priority and that's to get DD to school on time with the correct things. I have quite often had to pop to school later in the day when I've realised DD doesn't have a coat and it's raining, or doesn't have her trainers for PE etc. In fact, for me, it's the STUFF that causes me the most problems. There are no two days the same in terms of what she has to take.