If you have ADHD, how do you get your children to school/ anywhere on time?

[LateAF]

We’re on our 7th late this term, 25th this academic year. The times the kids are on time to school are when my partner who doesn’t have ADHD takes them. However, he works away a lot so I do need to take them about half the time.

It is getting pretty embarrassing now and I don’t want them to learn that being late is normal.

If you’re a parent with ADHD- how do you manage your time to get your children to school early? I’ve tried everything- packing the night before, waking them up earlier. But when it’s time to leave there’s always something that hasn’t been done or that I can’t find, and then we’re late, again.

What do you find works for you? Please don’t comment if you don’t have ADHD - this isn’t for you. I just want ADHD friendly advice please.

@DinosaurOfFire I love your approach. I’m a perfectionist but sending them in a t-shirt is better than being late for ironing their shirts. I need that approach. I’m often late because I haven’t put leave in conditioner on their hair because I’ve spent 10 minutes looking for the conditioner and water spray. But messy dry hair is better than lateness I guess.

also agree that I just can’t get both myself and the kids ready on my own, I have to sacrifice my own food and cleanliness for the goal of getting to school on time.

Once a child is ready for school- dressed, shoes, coat, bag- I send them to the front door and they wait there, they are not allowed back into the main house. Once all 3 kids are there, I get my own shoes on, coat, keys and join them.

I have this issue- when one kid is ready they will rile up the other unready child and make everyone late. I’m going impose this rule with a reward attached (scooter or snack on the way to school).

I have ADD, so did my mum. I was never ever on time for school.

My DC were never ever late for school.

We had routines. Empty their school bag as soon as they get home, while they have a snack, and sort out stuff like party invites, homework reminders etc and write them in a family diary hanging on kitchen wall.

Keep a crate for each child in the kitchen where all their exercise books, school library books etc are dumped. Always in that place.

Repack bag for next day with everything in it. Check for swim kit, money for book fair etc.

Lay out their clothes the night before.

If they get distracted by TV or similar, the rule was no TV before they were dressed and had had their breakfast. That actually worked as they bothered to hurry so they could watch a cartoon. Quicker allowing TV than not.

Tbh, it massively helped that I am naturally a very early riser. I am awake by six and we didn't have to leave the house before 8.40 for primary, 7.20 for secondary, so I could get up and dressed, make packed lunches, write in homework diaries etc before DC even woke up.

Oh, god, I feel your pain!

I said to my kids this morning, I'm just popping up to get socks, I'll be back in an hour. It's a joke, but not actually a joke.

I also think a big part of it is getting everything ready the night before. But, I never seem to get my shit together enough to do this. I always forget something.

Luckily, my kids are older now and can get themselves sorted.

Also, I need a 15 minute buffer time every time I leave the house. If I need to leave at 8.20, I try to leave at 8.05 because it always takes 15 minutes somehow to put our shoes on and walk to the car.

I have ADHD (and am autistic) and I have two children early primary age one of whom is autistic.

One, medication has helped me lots! The change in ability to focus is dramatic.

Two, I find the autism side of me responds really well to strict routine (in conflict with the ADHD usually). So we do the same thing every day. Breakfast, get dressed, do hair, brush teeth then children have a bit of time to play whilst I get ready. I have my shower before they're up. Then we are shoes on and out of the house at the same time.

I never, ever:

• Look at my phone before drop off
• Turn the TV on before drop off
• Look at the calendar before drop off

Those things are fatal! Phone especially. Everything waits until I get home.

I don’t have ADHD, but my daughter does. Things I’ve found that helps her over the years have been

Check lists for the night before - packing school bag, PE kits, etc and leaving it all on hooks by the front door

A time table in the mornings breaking down everything in to 5/10 minute chunks.

Not getting up too early - the more time she had, the more time she’d lose. If we kept it short and sweet, moved from one task to the next, she stayed focussed.

I don't have adhd but have bpd and that makes me a bit flaky at the best of times I also have anxiety and it gets worse if I'm running late , I hang clothes on the hanging rack thingy downstairs the night before , snacks in bags the night before and juice/water bottles filled and In the fridge , my oldest has asd and adhd and leaves quite early we are also a distance away from dd school so have to leave at 8:30 I wake them around 7:30 they get dressed first and can't have breakfast until everything is on including shoes we now have it down to a fine art and we're never ever late.

Funny you should say that, burnout is how I've been feeling these past couple of months. It's finally pushed me to get a proper diagnosis. It's hard when you're the only one in charge. I'm going to take all the tips from this thread and hopefully make them a little easier.

Everything ready and by the front door the night before. Clothes laid out, toothbrushes ready with toothpaste on etc. Then a series of Alexa alarms counting us down the leaving - my kid knows that when she hears "the noise" it's time to go.

I have to have a clock in the kitchen. I have extra school uniform and extra socks and pants, I regard this as adhd tax, the extra stuff needed to ensure stuff can happen.

i worked out I could do leaving on time plus coffee or shower, I could not do both or load the washing machine or do the dishwasher or anything. I completely focused on getting the kids ready.

id also aim to leave 5 minutes before I absolutely had to, so if we left at 8:25 it was a leisurely stroll to school, if it was 8:30 we had to walk super fast! We had a mile to walk so a bit of flex.

i never ever remembered my daughters violin on the days she had lessons and always ended up having to go back to drop it off in reception!

dh was great at getting pack lunches sorted the night before and sorting uniform.

This thread is so great and so useful, op, thank you for starting it! I’m going to share some of it with my teenage ds, who has ADHD.

(I do have some traits myself but am not diagnosed and I worry sometimes about not equipping him with enough strategies for later in life)

The only time we're early is when I organise us to leave earlier. So 3.25-30 instead of 8.40

Outfits, book bags and water ready the night before unless executive dysfunction takes hold. Book bags have a peg each in the dining room. So do school bags. It definitely gets easier when they're even a year or two older.

Thanks for posting this, I have recently discovered I have ADHD. I'm yet to get a diagnosis because yanno, GP appointments and all that. But I started doing extensive reading on it and a switch literally went off in my brain and I suddenly felt so relieved that I wasn't a lazy adult who never knows where anything else. I feel less alone. I couldn't believe how much of me I saw. It was like reading bullet points about myself.. anyway, sorry, must get to the point!

For me, with things I HAVE to be on time for I TRY to get things organised the day before. Honestly I'm still usually rushing as I suddenly remember I need to water the plants that haven't been watered in 3 months or do the washing up that I've left for a few days (gross I know) but I usually just tell myself I have to leave by 20 past (for example) when actually I don't need to leave til half past. That way I usually leave late but still get there on time. Its a nightmare though..

So glad I'm not alone though.

get up earlier and leave earlier than you think.
Also set alarms regularly throughout the morning so you can sense the time going by better.

Give yourself a break though. Its not easy, and adhd meds dont just cure you of ADHD.

Have you tried different kids of medication? M e d i k i n e t made me anxious but c o n c e r t a im fine.
Also it May not have kicked in if you take it and then getting ready for school.

i find baskets by the front door useful. A basket for each category.
And times and leaving at least 10 mins before I actually need to leave. So change the time you should be at school eg school starts at 8:30 but I’m your world school starts at 8:10

Just wanted to pop back to say thanks everyone for your advice- we made it on time with 1 full minute to spare. I woke up at 6am to achieve this and it was well worth it!

I can’t believe how much time I gained by being strict with myself regarding unscheduled tasks. I wanted to do the washing up from last night, put a new load of clothes in, fold the sheets in the drier away, order a few bits online, book an appointment, update the Ocado basket and many other things that weren’t important enough to remember, but by avoiding those rabbit holes we all stayed on track. We even had time for my eldest to read his school book and practice his spellings.

Also, I’m going to the shops today to get a bedside clock for my bedroom and another clock for the kitchen and hallway, and to get lots of spare socks. Being strict with phone use was beneficial but hard since my only clock is on my phone. I’ll eliminate the temptation by going old school!

Really feeling positive about this. Just being aware of how I’m spending my times in the morning is great.

I am lucky in that DH does the mornings for me because I'm so hopeless (!) and DS1 now gets himself to school.

I really like the ADHD Essentials podcast and I'm sure they had an episode about mornings.

I've got ADHD.
I don't have children to hustle out the door but I it's one of the most challenging things I do it get myself places on time with everything I need.

My tips are:
Every item goes back to the same place each time - eg keys, gloves, bags, sunglasses etc. Spares of everything so if I can't find my glasses or car keys I have spares ready so I don't waste time hunting down the originals and getting distracted by other tasks.
I'm fairly organised and tidy because I've learnt it's incredibly stressful if I am not.
Then I don't have to rummage through to find these things last minute.
Clocks everywhere round the house.
Find my phone on my iPad if I lose my phone or AirPods in the house/car/work.
I'm thinking of writing different lists and printing it out for the inside of my coat cupboard - eg if I cycle to work instead of walk/drive I will often forget something like a water bottle etc.

You have to find your routine and just repeat, repeat, repeat!

Firstly I don't think I have ADHD but....this thread makes me wonder. Dyslexia, and Autism run in the family, and we all know these things run together. I only opened the thread to get some tips.

Shouting at Alexa sounds very familiar. And so does time disappearing on unscheduled tasks and yes to the phone being fatal

A checklist is very helpful. It’s so easy to get distracted, so knowing what your important tasks are is essential.

I also have clocks in every room, even the shower, as I seem to suffer from time slips.

I also have spots where I keep things.

Good luck! It’s so hard having your shit together when you have ADHD.