Making friends at toddler groups

[frazzled101]

I've been going to various toddler groups for about 4 months now, but there is one in particular that I go to every week.

I've never managed to get past exchanging pleasantries.

However earlier this week I did manage to get talking to another mother for the second time and as she has twins I gave her a hand holding the babies.

At the end I decided to be very brave and I gave her my number, and she said she'd text so I had hers but she hasn't.

I feel like it's impossible to get past the initial chat on kids names/ages etc.

So if you made your friends at a toddler group how did you do it?

Is it the same people that attend every week?

If you've been going every week does the twin mum go every week also ie (you've both been seeing each other's face every week for 4 months, if that makes sense)

Do any of the venues have a cafe near by? Then if you've been chatting to someone you could sort of say 'I'm popping across the road for a coffee and get DC sone lunch if you fancy joining us?'

I run a toddler group and I would hate to think someone was coming to my group wanting to make friends but wasn't coming any success.

In sone instances I've seen people go to a group once and complain that no one talked to them (although I and the other attending parents always talk altogether as it's quite a small group) but often with these groups people don't want to get too invested if they think they might not see someone again,but to be fair, from what you've said it sounds like you've been going regularly.

@Playgroups there are some regulars but generally if I do get chatting to someone then they don't come back and I'm back to square one again.

Also lots of people seem to come already in pairs or small groups and therefore they aren't really interested in chatting to strangers.

No I'd seen the twin mum about 4 or 5 times but only been properly chatting twice, so it was probably too quick to give her my number but I thought I'd get nowhere being shy.

No cafes nearby unfortunately which is a pity as that's a good idea.

The best thing that I did was volunteer to help with my playgroup. The mums that helped set up/tidy away/make tea became my friends as we had extra time together and a group cause!

Maybe add her on Facebook before giving your number. My sister changes her number as often as her socks I can't keep up with all the different numbers she has. Have given up now.

As a twin mum - some of us take ages to reply/message because, you know, twins. So it may just be that. I bet she was really grateful for your held and probably would gladly hang out.

If this happens again, perhaps take their number and make the first move as it were.

I’m absolutely shameless when it comes to making mum friends. And you know what? I have lots! Because people like people who (all else being equal) are happy to put themselves out there a bit and make others feel comfortable. Ask, invite - it’s all good.

They can be really clicky especially parents who have been going for years with they're older children. But they have also been in your shoes at some point. I'm not sure how old your child is but when they start playing with other children your likely to get chatting to they're mum's as well. We live in a small town though each playgroup I took my children to I knew a few people there already. Either from school or work. Maybe ask on social media if anyone goes to any of the local group's day's etc.

I think I'm quite good at making friends, but never managed at a toddler group. Other paid for classes are much easier as people go more regularly.

She might text you...give it time. She must have her hands full with twins

I have no doubt she has her hands full, this is in no way a dig at her!

As said before, one way of getting to know others is by volunteering to help with set up/put away or activities. Everyone will be in the same boat so they'll know you'll have to break off if your little one needs you.

Another thing you can do is be aware of new members joining. They will be grateful with the odd chat themselves and something could evolve from there.

I didn't think that...just saying don't write her off just yet! You never know!

I've found it impossible where we live. In fact, went to one group for a few weeks where there was a really odd culture of parents whisking their children away while apologising profusely that their child had come anywhere near your toddler. I was baffled.

It's really difficult, I remember feeling so lonely and like a desperate looser, all I wanted was 1 friend! I never did crack the toddler groups but I did manage to make 3 great friends on the school playground. Probably not what you want to hear but persevere, it'll happen eventually and just know that it's not you.

*As in its nothing you're doing wrong.

Just let friendships happen naturally! Don’t try and make friends. Go along be yourself.

This isn’t the case for everyone, but if anyone tries to ‘make friends’ with me it just makes me want to run in the opposite direction. Just relax a bit.

This is a great suggestion, you would be my friend for life if you helped me out all the toys back in the cupboard!

Another way to look at it is that by the time your little one goes to school you might know more faces, which in itself might help you make more friends, obviously this might be a few years away though depending on your DC's age, which isn't much help now.

I've met several mum friends through toddler groups - I think it's mostly repetition, you see the same people, you talk a bit more to each other every time.
Maybe ask what other groups they attend & try & arrange to go together?
Or invite her to the park if you know what days she's free?

I think it's just me, maybe I have resting bitch face or something but I've always struggled making friends as I've got older.
I moved to a new area when I was pregnant with my youngest and most people seemed to already know each other in the toddler group I went to and in the school yard. My son is 9 and I still haven't made any school mum friends, and he was 2 when we moved here. I made one friend in toddler group with my youngest who im still friends with 4 years later and she had moved here out of the area too!

I do help put the toys back after each session! At another one I offered to clean all the tables after snack and they said they were ok. I was going to offer to help with the snack, but these groups finish up in about 6 weeks for summer and then I'll be back to work.

Unfortunately with my job I won't be doing school runs so there won't be much opportunity there but maybe in a couple of years when the birthday party invites start coming in!

I was in such a fucking daze with dts someone could speak to me one week and I'd have forgotten them by the next session. Always helped with set up but just from the other side I wasn't there to make friends. Just to save my own sanity.

If you have her number, don't wait for her to text you, you text her and ask her to meet up?
I did that, and we started meeting up outside toddler group. We became good friends in the end.

@grapehyacinthisactuallyblue I don't have her number, I just gave her mine and she said she'd text me so I would have hers.

If she does text I will see if she wants to meet up outside of the group.

Next time, ask them for coffee, what day works for them, get it in the calendar there and then.

I know what you're going through. I did get to the stage of swapping numbers /adding on Facebook with a few mums, but as their dcs were different ages to mine, their naps clashed with my little boy's and consequently I barely ever talk to them now I've gone back to work, let alone meet up with them. It can be very lonely. 😞

It's hard work making friends at Toddler groups. I've been with 3 children. I did make a couple of great mum friends using the Mush app and through the Meet a mum section on another site. It was like online dating for mums and I made 2 of my best friends.