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Original poster

am I the only parent with a child that refuses to revise for A'Levels?

36 replies

giddygallopgirl · 08/05/2022 16:13

A'levels in 3 or 4 weeks and my 18yr old DD doing NOTHING! Driving me nuts. Lots of rows and we don't normally argue. I feel like she is throwing her life away for the sake of 3 or 4 weeks work. The plan is for uni but I can't imagine it happening if she doesn't get the grades she needs (she isn't aiming for A's but equally don't want Ds and Es just because she hasn't worked).
I'm not sure what else I can do? I've tried shouting, discussing, persuading, bribing, guilt trip, leaving her alone - she does a token half hour and then that's it.
(she's a good girl, always been good at school but feels like covid has changed her - or maybe it's just hitting 16 onwards)

I feel as though all her friends and all my friends with kids same age are all utterly engrossed and on top of study and I'm only one struggling to get her to do anything.

Just wondering if anyone else having same issues?

OP posts:

tomatoandherbs · 08/05/2022 16:14

What’s she been predicted?
always laissez faire about striding or a recent development?
a new relationship?

Oblomov22 · 08/05/2022 16:15

What subjects? Does she have 3 exams for each, 9?
What are predictions and feedback from teachers?

Discovereads · 08/05/2022 16:16

What are her predicted grades? I don’t mind them coasting if they’ve been getting good grades all along. You can’t learn a two year course in three weeks anyway. By this time, they either know the material or they do not.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

18 years old Families General education

tomatoandherbs · 08/05/2022 16:17

But in answer to your question - of course there will be kids doing very little
just as there will be results that will be very disappointing sadly

TeenPlusCat · 08/05/2022 16:18

I know her GCSEs were cancelled, but did she work well for them, including the mocks?
Does she actually know how to revise?

TheChosenTwo · 08/05/2022 16:19

My dd1 is studious and has spent some time revising for her A Levels.
dd2 on the other hand has not picked up a book at home once to revise anything for her GCSE’s. She’s attended a couple of after school and before school revision sessions but other than that has refused to engage with any of it at home.
I’ve chatted to her about it, told her that I think she should be doing a bit and other than that I’ve left her to it. It’s her choice.
School prepared a video on helping at home and I did have an ironic laugh at the comment to ensure they have regular breaks for studying so they don’t burn out.

Original poster

giddygallopgirl · 08/05/2022 16:20

She's predicted B and C's which i'm fine with but i can't see how she is going to get them? I have spoken to her about how to revise and she assures me she knows what she is doing.
I have emailed college and said i'm worried about her, they said 'if she puts in the work she can pull it back for the exam' - but she not doing anything.

I think because her GCSEs were just predicted by teachers and the mocks she has had have all been open book/ assisted - she has no knowledge of the importance of revision.

I'm beginning to think that at 18 I can't force her - it's her fate??

OP posts:

tuliplover · 08/05/2022 16:21

My son did hardly any revision for his GCSEs (he didn't do A levels, he went to a vocational college). It's tough. I printed a million past papers, we worked out a revision schedule together, encouraged and supported. I did not stand over him or chain his to his desk. He barely got the minimum to do his college course. I have another child who got 8s snd 9s at GCSEs and is on course to do well at A levels - she puts in the work without any pushing from me.
You can't do the studying for your child. They have to take responsibility for their exams. If she does very badly she could always take a gap year and resit them, or go another route.
Does she have anyone outside the family she looks up to? Maybe a chat with someone she may listen to might help.

tomatoandherbs · 08/05/2022 16:22

Op
this can’t have come out of the blue. Surely she’s not ever been particularly studious?

tomatoandherbs · 08/05/2022 16:23

What’s her social life like?

tomatoandherbs · 08/05/2022 16:24

Plans for post a level

Steelesauce · 08/05/2022 16:26

I've never revised for an exam in my life and passed every exam I've taken. Got a degree too. Some people just don't need to revise. Maybe she feels confident she will coast through. I find revising mind numbing and don't understand keep rereading material that I've already learnt.

MassiveSalad22 · 08/05/2022 16:28

Don’t know what to tell you really other than I was exactly the same. I got to the point where I’d left it so late that there was no way I could catch up and so just didn’t bother. I was left to it, but if my parents had tried to help I would have been vile to them anyway. Was VERY overwhelmed and in denial!
I definitely got some A Levels but failed psychology I think (anything less than a C is a fail isn’t it?). I do think I have ADHD though so put it down to that.
Anyway, OP I have a very happy life and have done some fantastic things (I’m now in my 30s). She’s just at the very beginning of life, there’s loads of time for everything even if that involves resits if she decides she really does want knuckle down and go to uni.

savoycabbage · 08/05/2022 16:31

What offers has she had and has she chosen where she wants to go?

What is her back up plan?

It is all very difficult and I completely agree that they haven't had the experience of the importance of revision. My dd went on a couple of open days which seemed to motivate her a bit.

titchy · 08/05/2022 16:41

Steelesauce · 08/05/2022 16:26

If she's predicted Bs and Cs she clearly isn't one of those 'can pass any exam without revising' types!

Look if she fails, she fails. It's a good lesson to learn if all her friends go to uni this Autumn. She can spend another year at school and turn it around.

FavouriteDogMug · 08/05/2022 16:46

My dd is exactly the same but she has already found out her predicted grades were not as good as she initially hope so ditched plans for uni and set herself up on a vocational course next year. I still don't want her to just give up on A levels as they would still be useful even if not top grades. But she is very unmotivated and her mental health is not amazing so I don't want to be to pushy. I do think she changed after lockdown in that way.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/05/2022 16:47

"I've tried shouting, discussing, persuading, bribing, guilt trip, leaving her alone - she does a token half hour and then that's it."

Step back. If she fails, she fails. And if she fails - then what? Do you think she'll resit, or change her focus from going to uni to something else?

watcherintherye · 08/05/2022 16:51

Don’t panic, op! Most schools finished the A Level curriculum a while back and they have effectively been revising in class ever since. Ds’s school finished teaching the curriculum in March and they have been revising topics, doing past papers, essays in class etc. I know it’s difficult not to envisage worst case scenarios, but I really don’t think it’s productive for either of you to get into arguments over revision. Yes, some dc will be very studious and committed, but that might be driven by high levels of anxiety and fear of failure, which isn’t so good.

tomatoandherbs · 08/05/2022 16:52

Steelesauce · 08/05/2022 16:26

Depends what your benchmark is

to pass or do the best you can

Maireas · 08/05/2022 16:54

It's a problem for the whole cohort. My yr13 this year haven't put the work in at all. I keep telling them that I can't give them a grade, it's exams based and one girl said "if I don't turn up for the exam, can you estimate me a C" !
Your dd isn't alone. I'm quite concerned.

AnotherAnxiousMess · 08/05/2022 17:02

Leave her to it. I wouldn’t be arguing about it…she’ll do what she wants anyway.

Cameleongirl · 08/05/2022 17:16

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/05/2022 16:47

"I've tried shouting, discussing, persuading, bribing, guilt trip, leaving her alone - she does a token half hour and then that's it."

Step back. If she fails, she fails. And if she fails - then what? Do you think she'll resit, or change her focus from going to uni to something else?

This ^^. DD used to be pretty lazy and unmotivated, despite being academic ( and this was pre-pandemic so nothing to do with the issues the pandemic caused for so many teens). DH and I realized that the best way to motivate her was to talk about her long term goals-what sort of things does she want to do in her 20’s, does she want to travel, which fields interest her? Then we talk about the best ways to achieve them.

In a nutshell, DD now realizes that her future is in her hands, we can’t make her dreams happen for her! So if she fails exams, she’ll have to work out what to do next, with our support, of course.

So I’d be open with your DD and say that if she wants to go to university/college/ whatever she wants to do in the autumn, she’ll need to get the grades. if she doesn’t, she’ll have to work out what she’ll do instead. It’s in her hands, not yours. So

HummingQuietly · 08/05/2022 17:31

Does she know how to revise? Half an hour then stopping would make me worry she's got a gap in skills or confidence.

TokyoTen · 08/05/2022 17:42

I have two 20 yo DC. I felt there was no point arguing and pushing them to study. If you do home can become a battleground. Make it clear you will support with anything she needs, then back off and let her decide what she is going to do. You won't be there at uni so it is best she gets into one that matches her talent and effort.

StrawberryPot · 08/05/2022 17:46

There is nothing you can do. If she can't motivate and organise herself to work for her A levels, there is zero point in her going to uni where she won't have teachers spoon feeding her information and parents attempting to set revision timetables for her.

Back off and look on this as an experiment to see if she can self-manage and therefore might cope with uni. If she can't, then she's saving herself an awful lot of money and can look for a job/apprenticeship.

Been there with dcs and come out the other side so I speak from experience.

I'm also reminded of my A level French teacher who, when I said I hadn't done my homework/revision etc, would shrug his shoulders calmly and say, "not my problem; not my A' level 🤷‍♀️". That probably made me work harder than anything anyone else said to me!

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