am I the only parent with a child that refuses to revise for A'Levels?

[giddygallopgirl]

A'levels in 3 or 4 weeks and my 18yr old DD doing NOTHING! Driving me nuts. Lots of rows and we don't normally argue. I feel like she is throwing her life away for the sake of 3 or 4 weeks work. The plan is for uni but I can't imagine it happening if she doesn't get the grades she needs (she isn't aiming for A's but equally don't want Ds and Es just because she hasn't worked).
I'm not sure what else I can do? I've tried shouting, discussing, persuading, bribing, guilt trip, leaving her alone - she does a token half hour and then that's it.
(she's a good girl, always been good at school but feels like covid has changed her - or maybe it's just hitting 16 onwards)

I feel as though all her friends and all my friends with kids same age are all utterly engrossed and on top of study and I'm only one struggling to get her to do anything.

Just wondering if anyone else having same issues?

Same here.
He got 8s and 9s at GCSE his target is A*s. When he started college he was talking about studying in the USA and we were looking into scholarships. the second lockdown just ruined him. he’s just lost his spark.

we’ve talked and talked about it, cried about it, we’ve got revision plans, timetables, extra sessions at college. He says all the right things, thinks he wants to go to Uni, agrees he’s got to put the work in, but then I go into his room and he’s lying in his bed on his phone.

He’s so bright, it breaks my heart to see him underachieving.

almost 18yo DS doesn't revise. Or maybe he does, but only in last 2 hours before exam when his friends are quizzing each other. I'm quite impressed by his mastery of procrastination. His beautiful ability to just hide head in sand, not worry about it : and still get decent grades, to boot. Not his full potential, just good enough.

I am predicting he will get grades he wants.

DD (now at Uni) was / is a hyper-overstudyer. She literally won't stop to point of making herself mentally ill. So... I actually prefer what DS does. I'd slightly more prefer him to revise a little, but we parents get what we're given, don't we?

I asked little DS to please aim somewhere between DD & big DS wrt exam preparation habits. And I'd still prefer him to be closer to big DS.

I think this cohort are going to really struggle. They didn't take GCSEs and many were awarded higher grades than they would perhaps have achieved. The jump from gcse to a level is huge and they absolutely need to study. Plus degree places are huge competitive this year. You can't force her though. It will be a learning experience for sure.

@StrawberryPot Your teacher sounds very wise!

At this age you really have to leave them to it. They know what is required and what they have to do. You cannot make someone study who refuses to, and she is an adult. All you can do is advise and guide, but if she doesn't want to there is nothing you can do.
My son was much the same. He hardly studied at home at all. He did pass his A levels, but at a lower grade than he could have got. It was very much a wake up call for him. He has had a job for the last two years since leaving school and he has now finally gone to university two years later than most and really studying hard and doing well, because this was his choice.

It's a bit late now but I felt taking my DCs to visit possible unis encouraged them a bit.

My dd hasn't done any work really due to MH issues for her A levels . She is lucky enough to have an unconditional uni offer which we accepted . It's such a worry isn't as shit A level results and nothing else isn't going to get them very far even with excellent GCSEs.

Oh definitely agree with this.

Mine we’re only halfway through their mocks when lockdown happened, so they’ve never really been tested under exam conditions. They hadn’t completed the syllabus in science.
they haven’t had a proper college experience. They were locked down for half their first year. No field trips, no science experiments, no enrichment. They weren’t allowed to hang around college, so straight home after lessons.

We couldn’t do Uni open days properly, we weren’t even allowed inside the building at DS2s top choice.

I feel like she is throwing her life away for the sake of 3 or 4 weeks work

Don't be silly. If she bombs her A levels then it will make things more tricky but it's melodramatic and ridiculous to think she is throwing her life away. Loads of people bomb their A levels. 🤷🏻‍♀️
I've 4 kids who are now adults and I facilitated their studying by spoiling them and encouraging them. Exams are stressful and having someone shouting and nagging isn't going to help.

One of my kids looked like they weren't going to get great A'level results so I supported them by looking at all the other options available to students who don't get stellar grades. There are loads of things available. Obviously it's better to keep as many doors open as possible but it's stupid to think you've ruined if you flop your A'levels. Even if you were set on going to Uni there are plenty of options for people with poor academics. There are some great foundation years and there are plenty of students that take a few years out and reapply as mature students.

You want your kids to be excited and optimistic for the future not petrified of ruining their lives for the sake of a few exams. You also don't want your kids growing up thinking you are disappointed in them.

almost 18yo DS doesn't revise. Or maybe he does, but only in last 2 hours before exam when his friends are quizzing each other. I'm quite impressed by his mastery of procrastination. His beautiful ability to just hide head in sand, not worry about it : and still get decent grades, to boot. Not his full potential, just good enough.

I had one of those. Considered quite a genius at primary school. Did well enough at grammar school without ever doing much work/revision. Ended up with BBBB in maths, physics, computing and electronics A levels. Then failed first year uni and dropped out. Never learning to apply himself and meet deadlines without teachers nagging caught up with him 🤷‍♀️.

His less academically gifted brother did exceptionally well - because he always had to apply himself to succeed.

School prepared a video on helping at home and I did have an ironic laugh at the comment to ensure they have regular breaks for studying so they don’t burn out.

😂 This resonated massively with me!
I started off with encouraging DS1 to "take regular breaks from study", as I was worried about burnout/mental ill health.
I needn't have bothered. He did next to no revision, casually assuming it would all work out on the day. Predictably, it didn't. He flunked all 3, badly.
It was a shock for him, and me. He had been OK academically prior to A-Level, not a hotshot, but got 6 B's and 3 C's at GCSE, so a good bit of application would have seen him through.

It's all worked out ok though. He worked full time for a year, living at home and saving like mad. He then did an access course at a local college while working part time, gaining top results, then applied to Uni two years later than his cohort.
He worked hard at Uni, had some savings behind him so didn't need to take the full loan amount, and came out with a 2:1.

He's nearly 25 now, and has never forgotten how he felt when he went with his friends to pick up his A-Level results. He says he never wants to feel like that again, and I honestly think that was a valuable life lesson for him.