Well I just emptied the bin, which is usually DHs job,

[IvyLeagueUnderTheSea]

but it needed doing and I had my shoes on so it made sense.
I must be doing it wrong though as at no time did I feel the need to moan or complain. Neither did I need to announce to the entire house that I was about to do it or had done it. I didn’t need to huff and puff so everyone knew I was doing it. I also didn’t need a 20 minute shit in preparation.

What did I get wrong?

(This is a lighthearted thread and DH is not a twat)

This thread has made me realise I need to buy some gold stars and give my husband one every time he puts a cup in the dishwasher (rare) or takes the bin out (also rare).

And if you didn't mutter loudly, 'when was this bin last cleaned ffs' while dripping goo on it through incompetent kitchen waste handling leverage, then you've missed a trick.

But were you wearing the correct shoes? They are by the back door and look like regular shoes but the backs are trodden down so they can be conveniently slipped on?

Plus did you managed to strongman crush all the cans and plastic bottles in the recycling with your bare hands with the requisite showy flourish?

OP, you may have emptied one bin but did you put the wheelie bin out for collection on bin day? Did you?

Cos that takes a true man.

He knows which day is rubbish and which is recycling. And he plans in advance.

Most importantly, he knows exactly where on the kerb/drive boundary the wheelie bin needs to be aligned.

And even more importantly, he needs to remind you that the wheelie bin is there if you need to drive your car past it.

None of the above is on the least annoying.

And don't forget to have the local council Waste Department on speed dial to complain that your wheelie bin wasn't returned to its rightful place at the boundary within 100cm while being FAR TOO BUSY to deal with your child's homework about, funnily enough, environmental science.

That ^^ was an Ex tbf

DH offered to hoover the stairs the other day. He was very surprised that I'd already done them the day before as I hadn't announced it loudly when it was done

On Thursday morning I foolishly got what I needed to go to work, put it in a backpack, got the toddler and I ready and just went to work (via the nursery).

I didn’t spend Wednesday night going on about his I needed to pack for a day in the office. I didn’t fuss about what time I’d need to get up (that wasn’t up to me; thanks for the 6am wake up DS3), whether I had the right clothes to wear.

He doesn’t even live here any more and still he manages to make out that putting his laptop in backpack is an incredible feat. But somehow one man getting up, having a shower, putting on jeans, a T-shirt and a hoodie/jumper (like always), eating breakfast, getting in his car and driving to the office (that he doesn’t need to go to - just wants to) requires making enough fuss that I know about it when I live in a different house.

Clearly I’m doing it wrong since I manage to sort myself, a 12 year old (tbf, he’s totally self sufficient in the morning) and an extremely wilful toddler out every single morning without complaining about it to anyone or acting like I’m planning a national election (or similar).

Don’t even ask me about what I must be doing wrong if I ever have to pack for overnight stays anywhere without pretending I’m packing for an attempt at traversing Antarctica on my own.

Well, I've just completed a feat of supreme genius and superior technical intelligence. Or voodoo.

The Freesat box was buggered, apparently. Seems that the cat, who weighs less than a baby's fart, discovered a secret self destruct button on the generic handheld keyboard thing that doesn't match any of the functions two weeks ago and he was hastily poring over the most suitable replacement unit (which would obviously cost an absolute fortune, hence the mere two weeks' careful study thus far).

I retrieved the actual remote control from its top secret hiding place on top of said Freesat box where it has been hovering, totally invisible, for approximately 5 years and 349 days, selected 'Settings' and 'Retune'.

This fantastical feat of witchcraft where I even managed to conjure up the channels that had previously been deleted through the power of the cat's mind was further compounded by my attaining the transmogrification of base metal into gold. Or something like that - I went into the section of Settings that hinted at some dark magick called 'Display' and altered the screen size so that the entire picture fits onto the screen instead of being roughly 2.7 inches too large to be able to watch anything properly.

After a 'How the FUCK did you fix that?', he realised the mortal danger he is in from living with a High Priestess of Manly Magick and has scuttled off to the kitchen to prepare libations and offerings snacks whilst I watch Pink Floyd at high volume, as I also threw in a casual summoning of sound by connecting the audio lead to my stereo. This will also require Tea. It quietens the angry spirit within, you see.

If I ever hear anything about how incredibly technical all this stuff is again, I may look over the top of my glasses and strike him down with The Look.

How about the shouting that you've left the garage door open around ten PM when he's showered and off to bed. The garage was open all day, I went in once to fetch something from the freezer whereas he'd been in and out all day. It's on a remote control he could push the button from the front porch. I then get reminded is my car locked, well yes actually. Whereas his car is open windows down keys still in ignition. But while I'm locking up garage I might as well dash out in the cold and lock his car up because he and the dog have retired for the night

I can surpass you all. I took out three wheelie bins this week, mine and both my neighbours!! (Well to be fair one of them is 87 and the other was away on holiday).😁

I'm assuming dh threw you a party? My dh expects at the very least a round of applause 👏 👏👏👏👏

@Ithinkitsadoughnut 😀

If you can do the bin you're expert! Move up to lawn mowing level....

@SpindleInTheWind you are not wrong.
I did forget to mention the haranguing of local authorities.
Not that long ago, he made out an uncollected bin on the corner of the drive was a serious inconvenience.
He did backtrack in the face of reason.

@NeverDropYourMooncup
you win - you were bought food!

I now have an alexa, before I had a list always stuck to the fridge. DH the other day - can you get toffees in the shopping? Can't you tell alexa to put it on the list yourself!!!

I hope at the very least OP you updated the entire family on how full the wheelie bin was both before and after you put the bin bag in it.

@NeverDropYourMooncup sorcery! I used to regularly confound an office of highly qualified males by doing things like following the instructions on the photocopier when it got jammed 😮

Am I out of my milk??

I don't know are you?

Put it on the list which is a pad right next to the pens on the windowsill where they've been for six years

No. Despite it being DHs job to put the bins out he forgets every time. He also forgets what bin it is and asks me, because looking out of the window or looking it up on the council website is too difficult.

Did he turn up just as you were lifting the wheelie bin lid and say "oh I just about to do that." ?

Can I share my talent too? I don't often blow my own trumpet but I'm able to make a meal and sit and eat it with my family and not expect everyone to tell me how absolutely delicious it was, nor do I make loud mmmm noises as a hint if no-one compliments my cooking. I don't know how I manage it to be honest.

DH used to change into a special lawn mowing outfit, huff and puff up and down the garden pushing the lawn mower, leave mounds of cut grass everywhere then shower, put on clean clothes, THROW AWAY the lawn mowing t-shirt and then lie down for an hour to recover.

"I've cut the grass", he'd call wanly from his might-as-well-be death bed.

🙄

@LyndaSnellsSniff did he wear the dressing gown of doom at some point ? If not, he’s lower league domestic ‘slave’ 🤣