I've just had the sadest thought...

[Zippidy123]

...that one day my family and I will all be separated, we'll all be dead. Not just 1 or 2 of us but all of us, all of this will be gone forever. I wish I believed in heaven!

I dont know why I've only just thought of that now. I've sometimes thought of individuals dying-my parents are in their 70's now but one day my DH, DB, SIL, PIL, all the DC will all be gone. Its mind blowing really!

I found it oddly comforting when the love of my life died, to realise that all couples will be separated eventually, everyone will experience this loss, it's an absolutely normal part of life. No less painful for that, though.

And the other truth is that when you love someone deeply, and they die, they stay with you in a very real sense. My love is alive in me, is with me, all of the time, but not physically. I still miss her though. I'm sure we will be reunited when I die.

I find the notion of death as "terrible" really bizarre. Birth and death are such constants, completely inevitable. I am completely at peace with the idea of death though. I wish everyone was. It's lovely.

Thank you for writing this. You've completely reframed how I think about death and the people I have lost, and may lose in future

Watch life after life on BBC Iplayer, I know its a drama but it wont hurt to believe that you may see them again, and if you dont you wont know either

This is my continuous fear. What will happen when I'm gone. I have 2 boys 1 with significant additional needs/intellectual disabilities at only 4yo. I'm terribly frightened of what the future holds for him when my husband and I are gone. I don't want my older son to feel restricted looking after his brother but at the same time the care system is so unbelievably flawed, understaffed, limited training that you can't not worry about it. As you can tell I also have severe anxiety about it and restrict my activities just incase something happens.
No words to ease your dears just to say I get you.

I'm hoping to go to rainbow bridge and meet up with all my dogs 🐶 😁

It would be amazing to meet all the dogs we've loved!

I have had my DD, parents, Aunt and 3 close friends all die within the last 8 years. My parents and Aunt were all 84, 93 and 94 and their deaths were fine as it is expected Poor DD was in her twenties and my friends all from 41 to 54. I miss them all but DD dying really broke me.

@Joystir59 wouldn't it just! When my dear old Nan was dying aged 95, I told her about it and that her old terrier would be waiting.

She said "I'm looking forward to going now" ❤️

CharSui I am so sorry for your losses and to everyone else. Sat here with tears streaming down my face.

Wow, that's incredibly sad.

Yes I think this too sometimes and it also makes me think of all the people over time, families with grandparents, parents, small children and their own stories, relationships, milestones, gatherings etc just like us who are now gone and their memory lost, blows my mind!

Oh CharSiu that's awful so sorry for your loss of your DD- you sort of accept when people in their 80's and 90's go - they have had a long life and it is easier to accept. I don't know what the answer is. It's not the natural order is it?- I fully expect to go before my DS and hope that is how it happens but who knows? I have a family friend who's son was murdered in his early 40's - she is broken.

It really is sad. I try not to think about it but recently the hard truth has hit our family really badly.
28 years ago we were a fairly large family. I was married for the second time and lived with DH2 and DD6. My first husband lived nearby and DD spent lots of ti.e with him. My DS was then born in 1996 when DD was 9. 3 weeks later my FIL died. He was in his eighties so not too unexpected. Then my Mother died unexpectedly after a short illness in 2000. A couple of years later my MIL died. In 2008 my DH died after a year of being ill. In 2012 my Father died. Surviving members of our family then were my BIL, my exH, my DD, DS and myself. In 2021 my exH, (DD's father) who was part of our close knit circle became ill in August and died in November.
So now there are just my BIL, DS, DD and myself. Today my BIL was admitted to hospital with severe breathing problems. (Not Coronavirus). He is 75. He is undergoing investigations to diagnose the problem. If he does not survive our family will be down to the three of us. We three have been spending a lot more time together recently and we feel as though we are hanging on grimly to what our family has left.

I find it very comforting to research my family and build a family tree. I've made sure my younger relatives have access to to it, and can see where they came from. It puts into perspective my place in the world, by looking at how the family continues through the generations.

Someone else mentioned the feeling of being an orphan. My Mam died first, 9 years ago, and my Dad 3 years ago very suddenly. That feeling of suddenly being completely alone (I'm an only child with no partner or kids of my own) was truly terrifying and the worse thing I have ever experienced. I am getting on with things better now but I just feel like I am totally drifting through life and basically just waiting to be reunited with my parents, in whatever way that happens in death. I believe in heaven and an afterlife most of the time....
I have a couple of cousins I am close to but most of my extended family are busy with their own immediate families, aunties and uncles are starting to die out too. My Dad was an only child, as was his mother, and his Dad was one of 14 but due to various disasters, several suicides, and most of them not marrying and having kids, there's only me and one other person of the same generation on Dad's side. I find it really scary. She doesn't have kids either - so out of 14 brothers and sisters 2 generations back there will be no one left after we've gone.

I don't really know what the point of it all is really. I've felt like that since I became an orphan. I try to make the best of it - mainly by just constantly distracting myself with new random hobbies all the time and never sitting still for too long. I want to see my parents again - that's all I want - and it's the one thing I can't have.

And after I've gone I might be remembered in the village I live in for quite a while due to some things I do here, but it won't be for long.

I don't believe in God or any religious things however I was christened when younger my dc aren't and I do sometimes think I should get them christened just incase there is somewhere we all go then we're all christened so will be together again at some point. I've also thought about reincarnation aswell truth is nobody knows but it's nice to think there is more to come.

The cosmos is within us. We are made of star-stuff. We are a way for the universe to know itself.

Carl Sagan

I'm thinking of my nana too who lived until she was 97. She would have seen her parents, siblings, all her friends all die. She was the oldest of her generation. She never once talked about it though, how do toy live with so much loss and grief? Maybe it effects you less as you get older and she still had her DC and DGC.

I had a very sad conversation recently with DH’s Granny. She has (finally!) recently got home carers in and she was saying it was the first time in years that she’d been called by her first name.

Her parents, siblings, husband and friends were all gone. So all the people around her called her Mum (though she has outlived two of her three children, which must be so hard), Granny, Aunty Nickname or Mrs X.

She actually said her strong heart is now a curse. She’s outlived two of her children, two of her son in laws, all 9 of her siblings, her husband, her grandson’s wife (DH’s late first wife), one of her grandchildren and since covid she’s lived in the fear that because my DD is so vulnerable she may actually outlive her great-granddaughter.

I think it's sad that people in your position don't reach out and tell people how they feel - that they would like to do more things with their eg cousin who they get on well with but rarely see because people have busy lives. If we are just rushing through out lives being busy, busy, busy, and not doing what really matters (and basically, all that matters are people and the relationships we have with others), then it does become a bit "what are we doing it for?"

I'm a bit of an introvert and so not naturally good at forging friendships and making regular contact with people, especally as we come out of the pandemic. And while I DO have a family I'm sometimes of guilty of thinking of my life as being the boring humdrune mundane one compared to people I know who are single who I imagine to be having terribly exciting lives off out with friends, having amazing hobbies or off travelling. I often assume they probably wouldn't want to have much to do with me and my humdrum life. But your post has made me wonder if they WOULD? I'd probably enjoy some of them dropping in for a cuppa and an hour's chat on a regular basis as much as they might enjoy dropping in.

So go for it. Try and build your strong relationships with the people who you get on well with. We are losing the opportunities for fulfilling companionship with people.. It was much easier in the old days when most people had larger families and not many people moved away. Half of my extended family livedd within a few streets of each other and were always popping in for cuppas and a chat. It's sad that culturally, even though we are connected technologically and on social media, maintaining meaningful "in person" relationships is much more difficult.

Gosh, that's unthinkably sad.

@Gudbrand , I feel exactly the same - like an orphan. Dad died 13 years ago, my lovely mum died over 5 years ago. I have no siblings or children and feel very much alone despite having a partner (dont feel secure in the relationship). I am terrified at the speed of passing time and cannot believe it's been nearly 6 years since I last spoke to my mother.

I do believe in an afterlife and have read a lot about near death experiences. I also like the idea that our physical bodies are part of the circle of life and would like to be buried. I quite fancy nourishing a tree!

Except that won’t be true.
every generation that passed is more and more photographed than the previous.
Most people today under 50 have themselves in many photos. These will have been shared many times, screen shotted perhaps, put on fb so relatives the other side of the world can see.
previous generations may have had a couple of staunch photos which are now in an album in some random relatives loft. But now for the first time we have access to digital media and online photos that won’t as easily be lost when someone dies.
4 generations now, if someone wants to find out who their g.g.g grandmother is (it’s you!) they can find out what they looked like, how they spoke, where they visited, seen them interact with other people. Really get a feel for past relatives. Imagine that.

Im a Christian and therefore know im going to heaven. There will b Christian family members whom I will see again in heaven. I feel a huge comfort from this. However sad for friends and family who are not Christians.