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Original poster

I've just had the sadest thought...

131 replies

Zippidy123 · 05/05/2022 21:27

...that one day my family and I will all be separated, we'll all be dead. Not just 1 or 2 of us but all of us, all of this will be gone forever. I wish I believed in heaven!

I dont know why I've only just thought of that now. I've sometimes thought of individuals dying-my parents are in their 70's now but one day my DH, DB, SIL, PIL, all the DC will all be gone. Its mind blowing really!

OP posts:
SiobhanSharpe · 05/05/2022 22:29

'Twas ever thus -
"Timor mortis conturbat me."
The fear of death disturbs me - a common theme in medieval poetry.
But I take some comfort in the fact that we are all exactly the same - every single person who ever was, or is, or is yet to be, will die.
It's as if we are all one in the end.

narcdad · 05/05/2022 22:29

The reality is far more depressing and when my mum died suddenly at 67, 2 weeks after her 67th birthday. Really made me put life into perspective. Now I try not to worry about the material side of things as much, enjoy those you love whilst you still have the chance.

Margotshypotheticaldog · 05/05/2022 22:30

@spaceFarce I'm sorry for your loss. That is a very beautiful piece.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 05/05/2022 22:32

SpaceFarce · 05/05/2022 22:26

I have a son that died. I often think of a speech given by writer and performer Aaron Freeman on NPR News "All Things Considered", excerpts of which are below:

You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died.

All the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off you like children, their ways forever changed by you.

And you'll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time.

According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone. You're just less orderly.

That last sentence - I love it. The whole speech is long, but worth looking up.

I'm so sorry your son died. Flowers

That speech is awesome. Thankyou.

SunshineCake · 05/05/2022 22:32

I've been looking into my family tree as wasn't brought up by parents and it has really made me feel like I belong somewhere now I know my Nana's parents and siblings names, what they did, where they were born and lived and to see the names in the family that I have given to my children even though I didn't know they were family names.

I am terrified it won't be the right order for me. One of my dc isn't well and I am scared they will die before me but I'm also upset at the thought of me dying and my children having to go on without me.

I was asking dh the other day what the point was and it really is a short space of time that we will be forgotten, never knew about, once we die.

caringcarer · 05/05/2022 22:33

Your Children and Grandchildren are your immortality. I like to think that when I am gone a small part of me will live on in my children and grandchildren, just as my Mum and Gran live on in me. I'm not religious either, but that thought gives me comfort.

RobertaFirmino · 05/05/2022 22:34

StopStartStop · 05/05/2022 21:30

You won't be separated. You'll be united. Your body will either go to ash or into the ground, and either way you will remain in the universe. And so will they. It's ok.

This is so true. I often walk through a Victorian cemetery to get to wherever I'm going and there are so many family members, all interred together. It's full of the most beautiful, leafy trees, actually they are taking over the area and that's probably due to all the nutrients that the soil contains. You will have heard of 'Blood & Bone' mixture for gardens, well this is what all the bodies provide. All these people are living on through the trees. They still have purpose, to nourish the soil which helps the vegetation. This, in turn helps the air quality and the local wildlife. Circle of life, I suppose.

Painiscrap · 05/05/2022 22:34

My parents and my dh have died. I am disabled and in constant pain, despite taking very strong (morphine) painkillers. The only thing that stops me from wanting to leave this life, is that my family that are left need me. If they didn’t need me, I would be happy to die. I don’t think death is anything to be scared of. Death is just passing into either an afterlife, or a state of nothingness and no more pain, neither of which scare me!

WoolyMammoth55 · 05/05/2022 22:35

In my hypnobirth class we did this lovely meditation:
I put my hands on my belly and imagined behind me my mother at 9 months pregnant, putting her hands on me as a baby in her belly;
and behind her, my grandmother, with her hands over my mother as a baby in her belly;
and behind her my great-grandmother, with her hands on my grandmother as a baby in her belly;
and then seeing that line of women is infinite, INFINITE, way back to the early humans... and back even further.
And every one carried her baby safely, and delivered her baby safely, and her baby grew safely to adulthood, and her grown up baby conceived and carried and birthed her baby safely.
Otherwise the chain would have broken and ME AND MY BABY WOULDN'T EVER HAVE EXISTED.
(Then we sent love to our unborn babies and love all the way back to every mum and baby in the line - but if that's a bit too woo for you then ignore!)
I think you can choose to feel the sadness that one day we won't be here, but you can also flip it on it's head and think what a beautiful incredible miracle it is that we are here at all...
I'm not sure about an afterlife but I agree with John Lennon that love is the answer.
Lots of love OP. x

caringcarer · 05/05/2022 22:35

@justlookingattractors, I have read this too. It is supposedly the lack of oxygen in the brain. There is a name for it but I can't remember it.

YellowFlowersForever · 05/05/2022 22:38

This thread is beautiful, scary and mind blowing all at the same time

Hbh17 · 05/05/2022 22:39

The good thing about death is that we won't be able to feel emotion once we cease to exist - it will be just the same as the thousands of years before we are born. Each one of us is completely insignificant & alive for a very few years - I find that incredibly reassuring and thus death is not something to be feared.

TryingNotToReact9to5 · 05/05/2022 22:40

The thoughts of just ceasing to exist, ceasing to have any consciousness at all :-o omg. it's horrifying.
People say that before you were born you had no consciousness but that's different because your life was still ahead of you and you hadn't HAD consciousness at that point.

ExtraordinaryBehaviour · 05/05/2022 22:41

wooly not sure it was your intention but I am in floods.

HaveringWavering · 05/05/2022 22:43

Youwiththeglasses · 05/05/2022 21:51

What a cheerful topic.

What were you expecting when you clicked on it?! The clue is most definitely in the thread title…

Babdoc · 05/05/2022 22:45

I’m a Christian, and find it much more comforting and cheerful to believe Christ’s promise that He would prepare a place for us in His father’s house when we die. Coming back from the dead after 3 days was pretty convincing evidence that He holds sovereignty over death.

My lovely DH died 30 years ago, and I look forward to being reunited with him.

SwedishEdith · 05/05/2022 22:47

In 100 years, my descendants will probably think the same of me.

People leave stuff all over social media now - that's going to be even weirder, reading their archived inane thoughts. A young, local woman died a few years ago and I was Googling to find out more about the story. I found her Twitter account and one of her last tweets was "I need a poo".

DistressedDamson · 05/05/2022 22:48

This thread has given me sadness and peace in roughly equal measures

DistressedDamson · 05/05/2022 22:51

SwedishEdith · 05/05/2022 22:47

In 100 years, my descendants will probably think the same of me.

People leave stuff all over social media now - that's going to be even weirder, reading their archived inane thoughts. A young, local woman died a few years ago and I was Googling to find out more about the story. I found her Twitter account and one of her last tweets was "I need a poo".

Hahaha! That’s shifted the melancholic feelings 😂😂😂

TryingNotToReact9to5 · 05/05/2022 22:57

SwedishEdith · 05/05/2022 22:47

In 100 years, my descendants will probably think the same of me.

People leave stuff all over social media now - that's going to be even weirder, reading their archived inane thoughts. A young, local woman died a few years ago and I was Googling to find out more about the story. I found her Twitter account and one of her last tweets was "I need a poo".

I had to fill in the census form recently and there was a new section, your comments for your descendants in 100 years, and I wrote some waffle but I only have two children, I may not have descendants, maybe one of my DC will have a child but they'd have to have a child too. It seemed so weird to have to confront that. My line is probably going to die out.

IsAnybodyListening · 05/05/2022 22:57

'Sonder'......It's a sudden realisation people other than yourself live a complex existence like you. Once that truth is comprehended people question their own immortality and generally the futility of it all. S

Allthestarsabovemyhead · 05/05/2022 23:07

It kind of makes things easier or more difficult to me. I see everyone getting on with their lives, getting married , children etc. I get upset as I’ll never have that. But then I just think well we are all going to die anyway so what’s the point of anything. It makes no difference we’ll all end up dead. I never used to believe in heaven and I’m still not sure. But my young cousin died in his early thirties. And I can’t accept he’s been reduced to nothing. I just think of the life that could’ve been for him. He would’ve have children, I’d be so close to them, I’d visit them (he lived abroad). He could’ve achieved so much. My aunt lost a son and is completely on her own after her husband died and other son lives here in the uk.

Home06 · 05/05/2022 23:07

I know that you said you wish you believed in heaven. Would it be worth investigating the Christian faith? I know that I found life meaningless and the concept of death frightening before I became a Christian. Now I take comfort in the hope of eternity through Jesus.

Greyarea12 · 05/05/2022 23:08

StopStartStop · 05/05/2022 21:30

You won't be separated. You'll be united. Your body will either go to ash or into the ground, and either way you will remain in the universe. And so will they. It's ok.

I think this will always bring me some comfort when someone I love passes. Never though of it like this before. Thank you.

Thecomfortador · 05/05/2022 23:09

Since my dsis died, my parents seem so much older and it's made me really sad that I won't ever know them as younger people while I'm an adult, if that makes sense. Sounds really obvious - but the fact that my sons will only really know the older me once they grow up. And not the young version of me. That makes me sad. But of course we'll all be gone eventually and all the little things we worry about will be meaningless.