Would your ask you parents permission to Marry

[SouthMan28]

I'm looking at preposing to my girlfriend soon as we've been in a relationship for 4 years and we're both 30.

Would you ask the parents to have a blessing in marrying your other half or do you think it's old fashioned and we don't need to approach the parents for a blessing anymore?

Seriously? Not unless you think it’s a cute tradition to treat your adult girlfriend as though she’s incapable of making a key solo decision about her own life.

I’d be absolutely furious if my boyfriend asked my parents if we could marry before asking me, as if everyone else’s opinion is the most important thing. 🙄

My husband asked for my father's permission.

It depends. I like the tradition, but I didn't have a father someone could ask. My mother was asked, actually. We were already agreed that we would marry eventually, and by eventually I mean we both knew this was going to be soon. So when he had the opportunity as we were dining with my mother, he had her for himself for a moment, he said that he would be honored to marry me and would she bless that union? My mom was so excited, she wanted to help him make a nice proposal. He just smiled and said he'd know the right time.

And he did. Again, we had already discussed marriage, but just the "will you marry me?" line at the right time seals the deal.

My close friend is the youngest child of older parents. Their DH to be asked her fathers permission to marry her about 12 years ago. By this time they were living together and had 3 children. I have it on good authority that her Dad, who was about 75 or so at the time thought it was ridiculously old fashioned. Unfortunately now things are not going so well with the marriage as her DH seems to have turned into some 1940s patriarch.

Well that's the thing, isn't it? A minor of 16 or 17 can marry if they have parental permission.

Until 1969 an 18-20yo was also legally a minor, so there were quite a few more people needing that official permission.

OP: don't. Let your brand-new fiancée break the joyful news to her parents so that they may express their delight.

If my son’s girlfriend asked me, his mother, for permission to propose to him I would have a laugh at the subversion and pour her a drink.

If any young man seriously asked my husband for permission to marry his (sic) daughter I would tell my Dd to think very carefully.

I mean, how patronising could this be? Awful stupid patriarchal male collusion. Fuck right off with it!

No way! I wouldn't want them to know before I did that it was happening either.
Have
You spoken about marriage?

If any partner of mine had asked my father, he’d have been dropped like a stone. I’m not a possession, and I make up my own mind about such decisions.

My dad would tell me not to marry any man who asked him.

Dad is from a culture where it’s expected to ask. He hates anything like that. He feels it’s something that should be decided between the 2 people marrying.

besides which, it’s a pointless question. Which I find really disrespectful. I hate people asking questions where they only want one answer. If he says No, are you really not going to propose? of course not.

Going to someone and asking a question when you will ignore the outcome, unless you get the answer you want, doesn’t show respect to the partner or their parent.

Old fashioned, but it depends on your girlfriends parents, if they are traditional they might expect you to ask, but personally it would make me cringe.

Would I fuck.
But then, despite referring to dh as dh on here, he’s not my husband and we’ve never got married, not will we ever. I think the whole idea of marriage is old fashioned 😂
It’s just that dp is often used on here for parents so it’s a convenience for me to promote him 😂

This.

Are ye not adults yet then? Asking mummy and daddy for permission, honestly 🤦🏽‍♀️

Everyone's different and I don't suppose there is a right and wrong but I'd find it sexist and insulting. It would seem like I was the property of my parents. It's really old fashioned and naff.
Phrasing it as 'a blessing' is a lot better that asking 'permission' though.

Dear me no.
I’ve been married 20 years today. DH did not ask my parents anything! We’d lived together for 3 years and been a couple another 2 years before that. If he’d asked I would have laughed myself silly and I think my dad would have too. I would also have questioned if he was actually the man I wanted.
We told them together that we were engaged. That was that.

Curious about this ‘tradition’ of asking the parents for their blessing.

Surely the tradition is to ask the woman’s father?

My father was old fashioned and would have liked to be asked, but he recognised that I would not like that and he felt my feelings trumped his on this point.

He was a good man.

Well of course, you have to ask the current owner, the father, if you can have his possession, his daughter.

That's what it was for, asking permission to have somebody else's possession. 😆

Then when you marry, your wife takes your name so everybody knows you own her, same with the kids.

That was the Olden days. It's 2022.

It depends on how many camels you have to give them. You can't turn up empty-handed.

My husband asked for my mums blessing before he proposed. Not necessary but a nice touch. Each to their own

I've come here to stir the pot. I (female) asked my husbands mother for permission. Hear me out.

They are very traditional and I had previously told my partner not to propose to me (long story short I didn't want him to as an ex did it and I said yes when I didn't want to)

I asked his mother as traditionally the male asks the father. Yet due to me proposing we were significantly breaking tradition, so I wanted to make it as traditional as possible. But me asking his mother was more along the lines of would they be ok with the proposal being the other way round. We were already family and everyone knew we would marry so it wasn't about the actual marriage

Test

You don't need to ask for permission. My DH let my dad know he was going to propose and asked for his blessing.
I was touched
Dad was touched
DH felt empowered

Absolutely this. She’s not owned by her family and you are grown ups. But then I also think the whole proposal thing is a bunch of sexist bullshit.

In the old days, i get it, marriage was as much about land and wealth, but now it's about your autonomy, mutual respect, compatibility, so no, asking for somebody else's approval makes it seem like you can't do this because it's right for you. It's your choice.

I do think people should be aware of what their friends and family think though. Don't be willfully deaf to that, but don't require their validation or their blessing either