Anyone else can’t remember key moments in life?

[Princesselsa1]

I have an excellent short term memory. It’s part of what allowed me to do so well academically.

my long term memory is patchy though.

there are some key moments I don’t remember.

• life before my parents divorce aged 5
• most of my childhood is super patchy and mostly remember arguments… not much good stuff. I think I create memories based on photos I’ve seen.
• an entire holiday to disneyworld… it’s very patchy and seems based on photos I’ve seen
• my husband proposing… I know where it happened but not what he said
• the first time I had sex… I was completely sober and with a long term boyfriend who I thought was “the one” but remember nothing
• my graduation
• both my births (could be drug related)
• a few bad events in my life are patchy too (the time aged 17 when a man in my office locked the door and made me kiss him before he would let me escape)
• films I go to watch and husband says “we’ve seen this”
• my dad saying goodbye (10 seconds or so)
• me being sick before getting in plane to Disney (seconds long memory)
• me going into a house at uni absolutely off my head with a boy I’d just met (10 seconds)
• my waters bursting and the absolute pain of being in labour (maybe a minute)
• the exact moment someone told me about 9/11 (1 minute of conversation)

my whole life is a bit patchy to be honest.

my husband can remember his entire life in detail. He can literally replay it like it’s a movie. What he ate, who said what, dates, what clothes he was wearing…

It has caused a bit of an issue lately as I’m applying for a new job and it’s really knocked my confidence that I know I can do a task because I have done it before but I can’t remember specifics of how to do it. I’m really worried if I get the job I’ll not remember.

Anyone else like this?! Is this completely abnormal.

I’d say it’s quite unusual not to remember so much of your life, and something that might warrant a medical or psychological evaluation.

I remember snippets before the age of 5, not in depth detail or vast amounts, but certainly key moments from the age of 2 and up.

I remember my childhood and teenage years very well. All key moment and holidays. I had a pretty good childhood though, I don’t know if that makes a difference.

There’s a few drunken nights in my 20’s that I don’t remember a huge amount of, but that’s probably the same of everyone.

It must be very isolating not to remember so much of your past, I would certainly try to investigate why this might be the case.

www.bbc.com/future/article/20181112-severely-deficient-autobiographical-memory-is-surprisi

I would say your husband is very unusual if he can remember his whole life. That's a whole lot of mundane stuff rolling round in his head.

I have forgotten a lot, or merely haven't prioritised remembering it.

We generally remember moments if we actively commit them to memory or if they are accompanied by heightened states of emotion - positive or negative.

I’m the same. I understand having a partner who remember ALL.THE.THINGS. too. Also had an unhappy time growing up due to domestic abuse (coercive control and financial abuse with my father being the perpetrator). On balance I’m glad I don’t remember it much, but like you’ve implied, the lack of memory has come with me into adulthood and is now a problem. I don’t know that there is anything to be done except live with it.

I don’t remember much either. Someone once asked me if I’d been to a certain country & I said no but I’d like to. Our other friend started laughing and said we’d been and travelled around that country! You’re definitely not alone, I wonder if it’s linked to an unhappy childhood.

My memory is patchy a bit like this. I have no visual images in my mind (aphantasia), and wonder whether it’s connected.

my mother is similar and calls her brain a ‘butterfly’: we’re v good at learning but our brains seem to ditch a lot of information!

Heard an interview on Life Scientific with a researcher into memory: really interesting interview. she argues that people (our brains) adjust and alter memories a lot.

Many of your H’s memories might well have changed over the years. It’s improbable that he’s objectively accurate on everything! I know a few people with an amazing memory for quiz type facts and dates.

reckon you’ll be fine with the work things as once you’re in context and have prompts stuff is likely to pop back!

I'm the same, can't remember very much at all, whereas DH can tell you what he had to eat in a restaurant in holiday 20 years ago.

Also, as an example of how memory is odd. on 9/11 your memory might be incorrect: journalist Malcolm Gladwell did an episode on his Revisionist History podcast on his memory of a similar conversation, that the person he thought he’d talked to disputed!

Sounds exactly like me, it's like my life hasn't happened tbh. I started keeping a diary 2.5 years ago and it's lovely. I even document really mundane things so that in years to come I'll have it. I found my teenage one recently which I kept for two years and that was a right scream and brought back some great memories. I swear people don't believe me when I say I just can't remember a lot of things.

I have epilepsy too which doesn't help.

I can't remember much at all and it's getting worse as I get older.

I also can't form images in my mind, there's a name for it (which I've forgotten). I can't, for example, conjure up an image of my children. I wish I could see an image in my mind of my father, who died. I thought people taking amount images in their mind e.g. counting sheep or guided meditation were talking in metaphors.

l wonder if the two are related.

I’m like your DH though I don’t remember my “whole” life. My DH is like you and he thinks I’m weird 😀.
I think it’s more common to forget than remember. Plus trauma can affect memory in general. I’ve done EMDR therapy and the therapist said I had certain traits (memory related) that she’d never encountered before

It's called aphantasia

www.verywellmind.com/aphantasia-overview-4178710

I just looked up Aphantasia and I do think I have a degree of that. The video asked us to visualise an Apple. I couldn’t really do that. It was quite a strain for my head. Of course I know apples are red and round but actually picturing one takes a lot of brain power.

interestingly I’m a science graduate and my husband has a very visual creative job. I notice when we draw pictures we draw in very different ways…

eg our daughter asks us to draw Elsa… I remember Elsa has a head… so I start with a round ball. Long hair…. So I add the braid. Blue dress. So i add the body. Etc Etc

my husband when he draws. He does it in a random order often starting at a different point to me and is Quite honestly like he’s tracing an outline from his memory. As a result… his pictures are wonderful and almost like photos and mine Look like a 4 year old did it.

Yes I’m the same, someone said to me the other day ‘I’ll never forget when you first walked in the classroom on your first day’ I was 13, I don’t even remember my first day at a new school. I have really noticed it with films, I will have seen it but honestly don’t remember what happened, the characters may seem familiar.
handy I suppose, there’s always something new to watch!

Ooooh a diary is a brilliant idea!

I am also like this and have aphantasia. I do think it is connected. It makes me quite sad sometimes especially when trying to think back on times with people I have loved.

I'm sure I read that your memories change to be more like memories of memories and you have to keep revisiting them in your mind to keep them alive. Like a network. Maybe that's why we remember the bad stuff more that had a deep effect.

My memory is a bit hit-and-miss too, OP. I find I don't remember a lot of my DC's "firsts", which makes me sad. I've started keeping a diary, in the hope that writing about my day will cement my memories inmore firmly.

In addition, I have face-blindness, and wonder if the two things are connected in some way?

Interesting that trauma impacts it, I’ve had quite a bit of trauma (PTSD) and my memory is quite patchy too. There’s lots of stuff that I know happened but I can’t quite figure out what order it must have happened in?

I also don’t remember my wedding ceremony at all which I’m gutted about! I’m a Christian and it was really important to me that it was a church ceremony, my granny did a Bible reading etc. It was only last year and it’s just a big black hole- good thing we had a photographer or I would be doubting if I was even married at all!

I’m like this too. I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD in adulthood and have always just attributed it to just not being NT. I only remember traumatic events from my childhood and teenage years so I just try not to recall anything as it’s upsetting anyway. My husband is completely different and can recall tiny details from holidays and days out from years ago. Whereas I can’t even remember how we met, it’s just like one minute he wasn’t in my life, then he was.

I am the same and don't remember much of my childhood except parents arguing. I don't remember anything good. I wonder if it's a trauma response!

I'm like this too. I had a unhappy childhood and always thought it was me blocking things out. But as I've got older, I've found it hard to remember things that should be easy. Like being at my wedding, the births of my children, family holidays....everything is very vague.

Yes my wedding is very hazy. No idea about the songs or the readings. Or what guests had on. A lot is made up from photos of the day.

it’s patchy for sure. Don’t remember specific conversations.

Agree with all this. Found I had aphantasia (and my mum) after reading about it a few years ago. I also am very good at learning but remember very little before about 10 years old, only tiny snippets. Potentially have ASD - not sure if that could be connected too.