Anyone else can’t remember key moments in life?

[Princesselsa1]

I have an excellent short term memory. It’s part of what allowed me to do so well academically.

my long term memory is patchy though.

there are some key moments I don’t remember.

• life before my parents divorce aged 5
• most of my childhood is super patchy and mostly remember arguments… not much good stuff. I think I create memories based on photos I’ve seen.
• an entire holiday to disneyworld… it’s very patchy and seems based on photos I’ve seen
• my husband proposing… I know where it happened but not what he said
• the first time I had sex… I was completely sober and with a long term boyfriend who I thought was “the one” but remember nothing
• my graduation
• both my births (could be drug related)
• a few bad events in my life are patchy too (the time aged 17 when a man in my office locked the door and made me kiss him before he would let me escape)
• films I go to watch and husband says “we’ve seen this”
• my dad saying goodbye (10 seconds or so)
• me being sick before getting in plane to Disney (seconds long memory)
• me going into a house at uni absolutely off my head with a boy I’d just met (10 seconds)
• my waters bursting and the absolute pain of being in labour (maybe a minute)
• the exact moment someone told me about 9/11 (1 minute of conversation)

my whole life is a bit patchy to be honest.

my husband can remember his entire life in detail. He can literally replay it like it’s a movie. What he ate, who said what, dates, what clothes he was wearing…

It has caused a bit of an issue lately as I’m applying for a new job and it’s really knocked my confidence that I know I can do a task because I have done it before but I can’t remember specifics of how to do it. I’m really worried if I get the job I’ll not remember.

Anyone else like this?! Is this completely abnormal.

On the flip side I can remember trivia extremely well. How can my brain remember the capital of Norway but not remember my child taking first steps?!

I have been on epileptic medication since I was a teenager as well, I think that has really shot my short term memory the most tbh. I have a lot of sticky notes and phone reminders.

Most of my mid teen years are a blur, but they were not happy times, my dad died when I was 14 and I basically blocked everything out in the aftermath, the epilepsy diagnosis didnt help either. My formative years were different though, there were some happy moments I can remember and I try to cherish those, I was a flower girl and I still distinctly remember walking down the aisle, holding the flowers etc. Easily one of my most surreal memories of my whole life.

I have still managed to remember some 'big' moments in my life since my late teens, I still remember my last day at 6th Form, my first lectures at uni, DH proposal, when DDs started walking etc. But others I have forgotten (my 21st was a blur, I cant remember much of our honeymoon or my mum's wedding when she got remarried).

I’m totally the same. Did well in school and am professionally successful but have forgotten vast swathes of things in my life. Sometimes people ask me things like “oh what countries did you go to on that holiday” and if it’s more than like 2 years ago I honestly freeze and can’t really remember!!

Memories are strongest when you recall them a lot, so if you’re not pondering things that happened I think they fade away. E.g. a few years ago I dated an ex again, he had SO many memories of things we had done when we dated before and I genuinely had about 3 memories of our 2 year relationship. But that’s because I was never rehashing it all over and over, whereas he might have been?

Also I think it’s sometimes perception, like if someone says “do you remember x” and you don’t, you feel like you have a big gap in your memory, but there might be things I remember that they don’t remember.

I’ve tried to come to terms with it in that my brain like ideas, and problem spotting and solving. Maybe my brain has adapted to the google world, where I don’t have to remember things as I can google them?

You’ve reminded me that I want to keep some kind of journal - even if it’s just a summing up of the year on NYE style thing. For the memoirs!

I rememeber way more once I left home. I think my life got happier then.

You’ve describe me!!! Plus I have aphantasia too I think! I have very few memories of anything more than snapshots - not even seconds long.

I find it really sad - I don’t recall dds first anything’s either.

I definitely don’t have aphantasia though and can visualise lots of things, so it’s not that. I do have OCD and had a stressful childhood relationship with mother so I think it might be more related to that. I’m also pretty good at blocking things out and moving on (great skill for teenage heartache! Not so good for recall).

I think brains have different skills. I’m happy with my working IQ but jealous of people who are able to spin wonderful long yarns. Techniques to help would be journaling…

….unfortunately most of my journals are just deeply embarrassing and navel gazing on a re read - but I might attempt one that just sticks to the facts of what happened and what I did in the day/month/year!

I have quite severe memory loss and have huge blank patches in my memory.
I went to the dr and had lots of tests, brain scans etc and it turned out to be a side effect of the medication I'm on.
Are you taking anything?

I'm currently seeing a psychotherapist and this came up in one of our sessions. I don't remember remember my childrens births, my first wedding, a whole five year block of my life. I look at photos of that time and I get upset because it's definitely me but I have absolutely no recollection of that time. It is scary for me. We've established there are a couple of other important events I cannot recollect and these were traumatic times so 🤷‍♀️ most likely trauma response for myself

Have a look at the holistic psychologist on Instagram. She was posting about this the other day. She says trauma and parenting in childhood would have affected memory. I can remember the arguing and my Dad telling me he felt suicidal because he had money problems. I do remember good times too but not like my siblings. I think the above must have happened at a critical stage for me- a teenager.

I also have some moments I remember vividly form years ago which I made an active effort to remember at the time.

Talking to my DS when he was born (now 15) telling him how long I’d waited to meet him and how lucky I was. He was looking into my eyes and cradled in my right arm. The bit I remember was a few hours after he was born as we were in a private room.

Waiting in the operating room for someone to put a spinal in before having a Caesarian. Anaesthetist got called away. I can also remember asking my DH when one of my DC was born over and over again whether baby was ok because it took ages for them to cry. Don’t remember which one it was though!

Lying on a sunlounger on my honeymoon. Watching a crab with a number on it (from racing crabs) crawl under the sunlounger. 19 years ago!

I could have written your post but didn't realise that this was abnormal in anyway! My memories are very patchy. I certainly don't remember every childhood holiday as a PP has said! I remember tiny snippets of events but can't always place them as to when they occurred. My wedding (which was an amazing day!) is very patchy and I can't remember (as you said) what readings we had - I'm not 100% sure who did the readings! - I remember two people but feel that we might have had a third!?! - I can't remember them actually giving the reading, I just know that they did it.) I also have a very poor ability to visualise and tend to think in words rather than images, and I have ADHD. It's so weird that some people can remember events like films, really wish I could do that (for the nice events anyway!!).