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Original poster

Work - horrible co worker (advice needed)

47 replies

Hoolahulahoop · 01/05/2022 09:16

I have worked for nearly a year with her. She echoes my accent in a tone that is mocking. She is an anti vaxxer and is very vocal and opinionated.

She messages me at midnight with shit about current stuff from her social media feed (currently it's trans issues or Ukraine's bleeding the country)

She's really difficult as she says the world is too woke. What shite that is. She begrudges nice things. A lady at work married and she rolled her eyes and didn't want to look at the photos. I have blocked her from my what's app and phone and Facebook.

I will unblock her in the working day only (I am changing work in June so it's not long)

I don't know how to engage with her as she's making me angry. She never married and I know she's bitter about her life. She has a wierd hobby we all have to fawn over (totally boring but you need to keep her sweet or she's moody)

Help for how to not engage in her rants. I can wear headphones 🎧 she's very in your face. Management know about her. They don't deal with this stuff as the whole organisation is toxic. I can't leave but I've asked for a move. So it's a few weeks.

OP posts:
user1471504747 · 01/05/2022 09:22

Have you told your manager about her mocking your accent? That alone is worthy of a complaint.

I would start asserting boundaries when she messaged you crackpot articles. Either just ignore her message entirely or say you don’t agree and do not want to be sent anymore.

If you’re leaving in June you don’t have too much longer to go with her, just count down the days and feel sorry for the poor sods stuck with her!

genuinely no idea how people like this get away with it, and there seem to be so many of them too

Ilikewinter · 01/05/2022 09:26

If youre leaving in June then I wouldnt put up with it, I would tell her straight and I certainly wouldnt be allowing her to mock me. Why are you letting her walk all over you?

jackstini · 01/05/2022 09:31

Tell her straight:

Do not mock my accent, it's very rude
Well I don't agree with you on that issue
I don't want to discuss that topic thank you

You should also put it all in writing to HR. I know you say management don't do anything but if everyone she is being inappropriate with reports it, they may have to

Get a countdown on your phone to when you are to be rid of her!

Original poster
Hoolahulahoop · 01/05/2022 09:32

I'm not leaving in June just moving dept and she will spread it around I'm a bitch if I don't handle this well. She's fallen out with a lot of people where I haven't in 20 years. I'm senior by a long way too. If I say anything she will say it's a bit of craic and political correctness is a joke. She's additcted to her phone and Facebook pages and all sorts of conspiracy theories.

OP posts:
user1471504747 · 01/05/2022 09:34

Would you mind saying what sort of accent you have? I really think this is worth escalating to your manager, and consider raising a grievance for bullying/harassment

Original poster
Hoolahulahoop · 01/05/2022 09:37

That's an excellent way to stop her.

I don't agree with you and I don't want to discuss it. I know several others have said to her they don't want opinions shoved down their throat.

She's rude and begrudging. When she knows she's gone too far you get the 'oh I'm hormonal today or past history is brought up (partner took his life).

But I've been too sympathetic

She's not all bad. She works. She now takes her breaks at my desk so I feel she's on too of me. I may have a lot of photocopying to do 😔

OP posts:
Violetparis · 01/05/2022 09:37

Why have you given someone you don't like access to your personal number and social media ?

Original poster
Hoolahulahoop · 01/05/2022 09:38

I have a London accent but well spoken. She has a country accent. I'm master's degree education but I dumb down at times due to rolling eyes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hoolahulahoop · 01/05/2022 09:39

At work violet we don't have work phones and what's app is used as our main means of communication

OP posts:
Whooshaagh · 01/05/2022 09:39

You need to be personal imo.
Next time she mocks your accent tell her it was your beautiful voice that attracted your dp, what attracted yours, oh you haven't got anyone have you?
Atm you're allowing her to bully you.

Don't keep her sweet, if she's boring you then yawn loudly.
If she complains deny, deny, deny!

Violetparis · 01/05/2022 09:39

Sorry, have seen you have blocked her from your phone etc.

Original poster
Hoolahulahoop · 01/05/2022 09:40

Educated

OP posts:
Original poster
Hoolahulahoop · 01/05/2022 09:43

Yes violet and then I'll unblock during work hours.
Its such a shame as the other co worker is losing her memory and I'm trying to look after her and feel like I can't deal with it all (as we all have our own stuff I'm sure .. work just needs to be work)

I dropped the hint Friday my other phone was playing up so she might put two and two together after the wierd midnight rant. Suddenly I'm not available on Facebook or what's app. ..

OP posts:
Original poster
Hoolahulahoop · 01/05/2022 09:45

In going to tell her next week I've asked for a fresh start too. So she will likely back off. She's actually going to have a lot tougher staff to work with.

OP posts:
Georgeskitchen · 01/05/2022 11:25

If everyone knows what she is like , I wouldn't worry too much about her spreading bitchy rumours about you. Why engage with her on social media? Keep her blocked on all channels. Report her to HR, mocking an accent is bullying.
why must she take her break at your desk? Tell her to use the staff room if you have one. Otherwise have her break elsewhere, you are busy.
She honestly sounds like a very unpleasant character and if I were in your shoes I would have told her straight to leave me alone or else

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 01/05/2022 14:58

So you are senior to her and allow her to be totally inappropriate and bully you but you won't say anything?
So she is allowed to do this to everyone?
Does anyone call her out or do you all just let this woman do whatever she wants?

Pixiedust1234 · 01/05/2022 15:12

Do you have to talk to her? If you do then refuse to talk/walk away whenever she starts talking about anything that isn't work. They can't sack you for that.

No idea why ppl keep adding coworkers numbers to their phones. There's really no need.

Original poster
Hoolahulahoop · 01/05/2022 15:41

She doesn't get near other co workers as she refused to wear the masks. Mocks and says quack quack. We work with vulnerable people. Rolls her eyes. So she doesn't go on break as we had to wear them (obviously not now).

She's actually a bitch.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hoolahulahoop · 01/05/2022 15:42

A few have called her out about it. She makes this dagger action and says they are all backstabbers.

They are decent people a lot of them. Most are good humoured good salt of the earth types.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hoolahulahoop · 01/05/2022 15:44

I have pulled her up in a gentle way and that's when she says she's on a bit of extra evening primrose as she's hormonal. I can be up and down myself but don't bring it into work. I try to sympathise. Last week I tried to be really light-hearted and nice to her to see if that would help but it made it worse.

OP posts:
whirlygaily · 01/05/2022 15:49

Look, if she's junior to you then surely you have an obligation to tackle this. We had someone similar and it was on us as management to tell this person very clearly that her behaviour was totally unacceptable, she was upsetting others and it needed to stop.

She, predictably, threw a huge tantrum and ended up getting signed off and then leaving. Nobody misses her one bit. Worth every bit of the painful conversation that got us there. If you don't act, you're absolutely colluding in this I'm afraid.

Original poster
Hoolahulahoop · 01/05/2022 16:09

I fear dealing with this but I know you are totally right. I am enabling this behaviour. What's worse is she's got under my skin now and I'm angry with myself for not dealing with this better. The culture of the workplace is really poor. As I said we have a lot of decent people. But there are 20 percent who despise the job. Are trapped and can't move up the ladder. So think if a factory floor worker compared to an engineer. The factory floor have not been university educated so can't get into the higher roles. But say the engineer was trained in doing a job but not dealing with people.

Its a bit like that. I didn't take on my job knowing I would be dealing with difficult adults.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hoolahulahoop · 01/05/2022 16:11

I don't work in a factory but I'm just making the point. They are on lower pay. No way to work up the ladder. They don't get to go to meetings or make decisions. So I do get why they are angry.

OP posts:
whirlygaily · 01/05/2022 16:14

Ok. In that case, line managers would normally handle this, supported by hr. You can tell them what you're observing and also push back as much as you can when she starts - it doesn't matter what she says about you - people will realise what she's like and filter it.

I do sympathise as it's incredibly tough when people get under your skin. If the 20% are that unhappy they'd be far better leaving and finding jobs elsewhere though. There are lots about at the moment so no reason to stay and inflict misery on others.

LetitiaLeghorn · 01/05/2022 16:14

She never married and I know she's bitter about her life.

Yes, it must be devastating not having a husband. 🙄

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