New to apartment living - how to adjust?

[Midlifemusings]

I have just moved into an apartment building for the first time. With this move I have also sold my car as I now live right downtown and in walking distance of most of my needs and the city has many ways to easily get around.

However I am not adjusting well. Prior to this, I would often go out side and drink my tea or just nip out for walk or go putter in the garden or go walk to get the mail etc. I find in the apartment, since I can't just step out the door, I only go out when I have somewhere to go. I spend a lot of time just sitting the apartment with no fresh air. I just don't know where to go. It feels odd to just aimlessly walk around city streets. I would also see and chat withe neighbours as I came and went and now I see and talk to no one aroud my apartment.

It is also a major adjustment to not have a car. Now that transportation either requires a lot of time (to walk) or effort to arrange or a dependence on others, I tend to just not do much at all. I used to stop on my way home to get things but now I can't do that. I have needed a few basic groceries for days but iven the weather I really didn't want to walk the 15 minutes to get them and also thought if I am going to go by uber, I should do a bigger shop and make use of having the car but I don't really need a bigger shop yet.

I just haven't quite figured it out yet! I miss fresh air and the convenience of my car and the ease of leaving a house. I did want this change, to try something different but I haven't figured out how to make this work yet.

It begs the question why move there at all . There must have been some positives or why move ?

Are you near a park? Could you factor into a routine going there each day. It might help.

I absolutely can't cope without being able to potter in my garden, I'd have to find another outdoor space to fill the gap.

I think you'll bump into neighbours when you start going out and gradually you'll start becoming friends.

Rather than walk aimlessly, why not walk to coffee shops?

Think how much fitter you will be. Yes you may have to be more organised with shopping, or perhaps you can hire a car?

The cost of living is increasing. The poster may no longer be able to afford to live in a house with a garden.

Why did you choose an apartment? Like you, I live to take a cuppa out to back yard and commune with birds and plants. Can you locate a very close park or bench to visit regularly with a drink in a travel mug? Can you plan some varied walks with a podcast to get out?

Is there a neighbourhood WhatsApp group or similar?

Go on Google Earth and look at your neighbourhood in depth. Look at the green spaces, the churches and and the cafes in the backstreets you wouldn't normally walk down, check out the reviews (even tiny parks have reviews) and go and have a look at each of them.

Download Pokemon Go and visit all your local Pokestops.

Go to the library and pick up all the various magazines and leaflets to see what's on in your local area.

Do Couch to 5K

If you actually have time on your hands then see if your local park/library/hospital needs volunteers for their Friends group. It's a great way to make meaningful connections.

Bless you. Yes it's different but I'm sure you'll get used to it. There are some advantages too.

Step 1: open all the windows in the flat and keep them open, use nets to stop insects if that bothers you. Start getting some fresh air into the flat as well as going outside.

Step 2: start purposefully making yourself go outside. This could be the beginning of a better daily step count and better health. Where's the nearest park? What about a bike to get around more now too?

Oh no, the suckyness of having to live in a flat. how will you cope :D

(yes lived in a flat for 20+ years now)

Shopping - well you just walk to shops to pick up milk every few days (mostly on way back from work or a trip to library etc). And do big orders online very few months. Or even uber back from nearest big supermarket.

if WFH then you get up at normal commute time and walk to tube but then just get coffee and walk back. Fresh air. or walk at lunchtime to the 15 min away shop and get a meal deal for lunch/milk for a break from the laptop.

join local library for somewhere different to go an sit (i did the other day when cleaner was here)

I managed to live in an apartment for a whole year. I often had all the windows open, maximised sunshine by only having voiles in the sitting room, and spending as much time as possible in the local park.
I had a 'park bag' ready to go in the kitchen, containing a coffee flask, a packet of biscuits, a picnic rug and snacks/wipes for ds. It was the accessory of the summer, used every day.
After a year I moved back to a house in a village.

A whole year 😂 well done for your hard struggle

I think you need to build a new routine. Like go out to get a coffee every morning. Or the paper or something.

Is there a treasure trail or similar for the city? It's a downloadable walk are small quirks that you wouldn't notice just going around.

Investigate. Explore. Go to a new area every weekend.

All those things you used to do when you had a garden and lived in a neighborhood of houses - they were time fillers. They gave you something to do for 15/30/45 minutes at a time; you maybe got to talk to people in that time; you were outdoors.

Think of other ways to achieve those same goals. People are forever wondering how to fill their time if they want to cut down on social media use. So they start reading books, or listening to podcasts. You need to find something indoors or outdoors that will be the same for you. Get a dog! Go for a walk - if you want to potter around, potter to the deli to pick up your bits an pieces. If it’s raining - well you wouldn’t have been pottering outdoors in your old garden anyway.

I have always shunned the responsibility of my own house and garden. Too much work. I much much prefer living in flats. Much more efficient use of time and space, much more time to do things intentionally, without the distraction of organising window cleaners, doing the gardening, taking out the bins, sweeping the steps, clearing the butters, weeding, washing your bins blah blah blah. To me, that time isn’t productive, it’s just a different type of housework. Futile, repetitive, mundane, boring. I know some people like to pass their time doing these things, but given you’ve actually chosen to move to a flat, you have chosen to give up time-filling in this way. Find other things to fill your time. Classes. Hobbies. Social clubs. Reading. Listening to music. Theater, dance, music.

Not sure what you mean about groceries. Of course you can buu groceries. If you're buying a lot of things go with a backpack or one of these wheely things used for groceries.

And you'll just have to get used to walking outside regardless of the weather. My SIL says there's no such thing as inadequate weather, there's only inadequate clothing.

"A whole year 😂 well done for your hard struggle"

Do you think they'll make a movie?

Why did you move? It's really not a big deal.

Everything new feels weird. It's fine to walk the streets if you need to get out, consider it getting to know your local area, it's how you'll find those little out of the way places. And take your cup of tea with you!

Parks and places with benches are now your substitute garden. Cafe for a cuppa with a magazine occasionally if you can afford it.

Invest in suitable clothes. True, it's not as much fun to walk in bad weather, but this is your life now so dress for it and get out there. If you build a daily walk into your routine then all those little errands will automatically fit themselves in.

If you're doing things like taking a taxi to a shop, it's not that you need to do a big shop to make it worthwhile, it's that for those few items needed you've chosen the wrong shop. Go to the local more expensive shop, it means supporting a local business, getting to know the people who work there and won't cost any more than that taxi to the bigger budget friendly shop. That said, if you genuinely can't afford it you'll need to plan your big shop better so you don't run out in between. You might also need to shift your mindset from having exactly what you want to making do with what's left, in the last few days before the next big shop.

Bring the outside in. Throw open your windows even if it's a bit chilly, half hour is enough to air a room. Get some houseplants or window boxes.

Houses make your life self contained on a daily basis and cars make you far ranging for bigger needs. Apartments and car free living makes you a very local person who does a lot of their living outside the home.

You need to get out. If you stay home lacking daylight and feeling bored you're going to get depressed. Find your local free places to visit, call up friends and arrange to meet, join social things eg hobbies, classes, church, volunteer groups etc. Build your outside life and make your home a cozy haven where you return for a break.

I totally understand. I lived in a block for many years (city and then uni) and then a nice apartment after university.

I take it you haven't a balcony to grow hanging baskets even? Allotment ?

Maybe you need to rethink about this situation. Get a better coat and walk even in this weather. Use the city. Library. Theatre. All of that's on your doorstep. Can you rent a bike or something. Just thinking out loud for you here. If it's any help I live rurally now. Diesel is so expensive it's prohibitive. There's little variety in terms of social life. So I think a bit outside the box and I have adjusted but it took years. At least you know that you might want a house long term. Better to know that now and save etc.

Thank you all for the suggestions. I think the key thing you have raised is that I haven't yet established any new routines. I do have a coffee shop right across the street and there is a small park only a few minutes walk away. I need to create a new routine that gets me out just for the sake of going out.

The point about willingness to pay more as a local is also a good one. There is a small expensive shop about 3 minutes from my house but I struggle to pay more for things when I know I can get it cheaper 15 minutes away! I have always budgeted carefully and paying the expensive prices has never been part of the plan. But without a car I think I have to get used to paying more for convenience.

Part of it is I only know a couple people here so far. I do need to make more social connections so I have more people to go out and do things with. It just doesn't feel like home yet. I feel more like I am at an airbnb!

I spend a lot of time just sitting the apartment with no fresh air

Why no fresh air? Can't you open the windows? Do you have no balcony?

Invest in a decent flask and find a nearby park.
Shopping trolley for your shopping.
Decent raincoat and trainers with a waterproof membrane.
If you're new to the area, take each bus in turn and see what's along the bus route.

Ok. So the shop is more expensive but now you don't have car expenses. Does that help ? Reframe it. You paid more even in the cheaper shop (petrol and insurance etc)

Also you will soon do a regular big shop. Try and make a huge list so you don't run out and stock up on your basics.

My plan is to move from a semi in the suburbs to a flat in Manchester when I retire. I'm sick of worrying about roofs/chimney/fences when the wind blows, washing windows, weed clearing paths, cutting grass etc, trimming hedges back. A little balcony will do for me and I'll make sure I'm near a park, a convenience shop and a tram stop. I'll join the local library and give my free bus pass a hammering 🤣

Unfortunately for various reasons, I didn't really have a choice of flats and the one I have doesn't have a balcony. I think a balcony area would have helped this transition a lot.

Change is good and I needed and wanted a change, I just thought I would somehow naturally have gotten into good routines here after I moved and I haven't. I don't think I thought through how different it would feel! That said, in the scope of life, it is a very minor thing to adjust to.

I did the opposite move last year. Flat living doesn’t feel much different in the winter months but in the summer months it can feel quite restrictive, particularly without a balcony. I did lockdown in a flat without a balcony and not being able to go outside easily was tough.

It’s really important to:
-make plans to go outside, even if they are only with yourself
-invest in some nice house plants
-open the windows as much as possible and let the air through

I managed to live in an apartment for a whole year.

Thank you for your service, ma’am💪

I live in a flat, I genuinely love it.
I have a day off in the week, when I do my cleaning and washing, menu planning and food shopping. I work long hours, catching up with chores on the days I work is quite difficult.( FYI, supermarkets have a delivery on Thursdays, so never go shopping on a Wednesday, not a lot of choice and short dates.)
Saturdays I do parkrun, then stop for coffee and cake with fellow runners.

Once a month I go to a book club, it’s in a pub.
I joined the gym and I go swimming on Sundays, body pump on Thursdays and Sundays ( plus another class on my day off in the week). Pilates on a Monday.

I have a neighbour I kept seeing on my runs and after a while, I approached her and asked if she wouldn’t mind running together in the winter when it’s dark, we are now coming to our 5th year of running once a week before work, just 30 min, we have a chat etc, she is now a very good friend.

On some Saturdays I go into town, to get a coffee, buy some flowers, get books from the library, go to my local art gallery, have my eyebrows threaded, grab some soap if I ran out etc.

If it’s a nice day, on Sundays I like cycling to the beach, have brunch and cycle back.

Food shopping is a funny one, I’m still getting to grips with cooking for one. I do a big shop once a month/6 weeks. But I do have a car still. For top ups, there is a Waitrose on my way to the gym, I have panniers on my bike.

I also have a dog, so I got to know lots of people.
I have houseplants to tend to in the absence of a garden.
Hope you work something out, OP.