New to apartment living - how to adjust?

[Midlifemusings]

I have just moved into an apartment building for the first time. With this move I have also sold my car as I now live right downtown and in walking distance of most of my needs and the city has many ways to easily get around.

However I am not adjusting well. Prior to this, I would often go out side and drink my tea or just nip out for walk or go putter in the garden or go walk to get the mail etc. I find in the apartment, since I can't just step out the door, I only go out when I have somewhere to go. I spend a lot of time just sitting the apartment with no fresh air. I just don't know where to go. It feels odd to just aimlessly walk around city streets. I would also see and chat withe neighbours as I came and went and now I see and talk to no one aroud my apartment.

It is also a major adjustment to not have a car. Now that transportation either requires a lot of time (to walk) or effort to arrange or a dependence on others, I tend to just not do much at all. I used to stop on my way home to get things but now I can't do that. I have needed a few basic groceries for days but iven the weather I really didn't want to walk the 15 minutes to get them and also thought if I am going to go by uber, I should do a bigger shop and make use of having the car but I don't really need a bigger shop yet.

I just haven't quite figured it out yet! I miss fresh air and the convenience of my car and the ease of leaving a house. I did want this change, to try something different but I haven't figured out how to make this work yet.

@BuddhaAtSea your post is VERY reassuring. I think I just need to do loads of research and wait as long as it takes to find the right place when the time comes. In my lifetime I've lived in 4 flats, a detached house and 4 semi's. I may have been lucky but the happiest times were in flats.

Apart from the loss of your garden (a biggie, I know) most of the adjustments you've mentioned come from being in a new area and not from living in a flat. Go out every day and walk the area, get to know the library staff and the people in the chemist, become a familiar habitue of the cafe over the road and nod to regulars when you go in. Discover local bus routes and work out how to visit places further afield to get your bearings. I've lived in flats for over 20 years and wouldn't go back to my detached house but it did feel strange to begin with - look at the positives, no stairs to clean, everything you want on one level, outside maintenance not your worry. It will take time but you'll get there.

I love appartment living. I always feel a bit uneasy with all the wildlife that come with houses.

Do you have a balcony? You can create a lovely garden feeling to your balcony.

Fifteen minutes really isn’t a long walk, so if you need a purpose for your walk, a trip to the big shop is as good as any. We get a regular delivery for heavy/bulky stuff, and do little top up shops on foot/by bike.

invest in a good coat and comfortable shoes and start exploring your neighbourhood, you’ll soon find you’re walking distances you wouldn’t have considered when you had a car. Google ‘hidden gems in (city)’ and go find new bits of your area to explore. Markets, libraries, museums and parks are all there waiting for you to find them!

What floor are you on? Unless it's very high I don't really see why it's making it hard for you to pop out unless you have mobility problems. Surely it's no different to coming down the stairs in the morning? I think it's more of a mental block and you need to do it more to get over it. I've lived in flats for the last 3 decades and it does take a bit of getting used to if you're used to a garden. Could you get an allotment?

I think the key is just getting out more so you meet more people. I agree it's mainly the insecurity of bring in a new area rather than the accommodation. Having said that what about creating a nice sitting area by a window for days when it's not practical to go out? A little coffee table, chair, cushion, pot plants on the windowsill or maybe hanging if no windowsill, a hanging crystal or suncatcher etc. Bringing the outside in a little.

If you have a park nearby then use it. Loads of people will go to the park just to sit and chill.

You may find you even start meeting people, especially if you go at roughly the same time/ day.

If you live walking distance to everything, then you really don't need a car, do you? Bus, train must be accessible too? I don't know why you need a car or uber for shopping.

For friends and place to sit relax, you can explore local park and cafe?

A friend of mine started walking in lockdown when he wfh. He does 12000 steps a day. Starts and ends with a "commute walk" and goes out for a walk at "lunch time". He's so much leaner now, after two years, and making a daily goal really helped with that incentive.

I appreciate all the suggestions and responses. I am going to put a few of them into action for sure. There are some maintenance issues in the apartment I moved into and so I haven't really unpacked or settled as I am not sure if or when they are coming it to fix it and I may need to stay in a different apartment for awhile while they do the work.

I was and still am excited for a change and I think you are all right. It is a combination of being new to the area, not being settled, not having a routine, and not really getting out yet to explore and not really knowing anyone here. I also started a new job and it has been too easy to just sit inside and be lazy but that makes me feel a little stir crazy. I do find it weird to go for a walk on city streets. I don't know why, it just feels like I should be going somewhere and not just wandering the downtown, stopping at lights. I am sure there are some paths somewhere that I can walk instead. The park near me is very small with no benches but there is a much larger park about 15 minute walk away. I need to create better ways of carrying things I need with me too. I am up on the 25th floor so it feels like I am far from just being outside and every time I go out it feels like an outing!

It is nice to not have to manage all the issues that come with a house although the maintenance issues in the flat have been a pain! My favourite thing so far is the rubbish disposal right across the hall where I can dispose of it as I create it rather than having bags of rubbish to put in bins.

It's very difficult to feel settled if you haven't been able to unpack and make it feel homey yet, that will be a significant part of the problem. 25th floor wow bet you have great views. Definitely focus on your outside life for now if home is basically just a place to store clothes and sleep. I think you just need to learn how to use what you've got. Eg that tiny local park is somewhere to go walk round when you need a short break, maybe that only takes 10min until you arrive home again but if your feeling stir crazy and also don't really have enough time to go anywhere, then it's perfect. It's going to take time for you to figure it all out so don't feel bad about that. Hopefully you have some ideas for where to start with it all and I'm sure you'll feel much better when you're able to create a proper home to return to.

Does your building have bike storage? Could you get a bicycle for your grocery shop and other expenses?

Can you say which city you're in?

Why not get your groceries delivered?
In my city you can even do this for tiny orders which are then delivered by bicycle.

You could take a daily walk for exercise through the park. Presumably there are gyms, exercise classes, a swimming pool etc close by.

Presumably there is lots to do in your local area and also easy to meet friends in coffee shops etc. I love city living but I do think some people are made for city life and others are made for country life!

I've lived in apartments for ten years now and don't have a car. I do miss having a garden. I had a balcony in one apartment that was brilliant, much less maintenance than a garden and could still sit outside. Could you move to an apartment with a balcony in the future? In terms of shopping I just grab a few bits on the way home each day, I think you are making it more complicated than it is.

OP if you happen to be off today. Watch this morning on plus 1 in just under an hour. I know you haven't a balcony at the moment but there is a lovely talented man who has inspiring ideas for his balcony and is worth a watch.

I don't have a car and I go out for groceries all the time, whatever the weather. Just buy what you can carry at a time. I also go out walking every day, and I just walk around the streets by myself. I left home on Friday morning and arrived back two hours later! I often have a coffee when I'm out walking. I don't live in an apartment, but in a flat with a terrace and small lawn so not quite the same situation as you, but I would go mad if I stayed inside all day. I'm unemployed at them moment, but honestly I am hardly ever at home - sometimes I go out four times a day walking, or to the shops. The weather has to be pretty bad for me not to get out at least once. I think you just need to make yourself get out and about, and gradually you will get to know people in the area.

Don't do it. Even the nice ones in media city and the like have people regularly pooing and vomiting in the corridors. Keep your lovely suburban home. The leaks and cracks are worth it.... trust me!

open your windows every morning when you get up. I live in a flat with no balcony, and it was tough during lockdown but even now, the first thing I do is get the fresh air in.

find parks and other places to go - I always pick up a coffee and bring a good book.

i love living in a flat for the low maintenance, and cheaper heating/bills, and have lived in flats for most of my adult life.

occasionally I miss having a garden but once you feel more settled into your new place you will adjust fine.

get things delivered, or buy a shopping trolly thing to save carrying stuff. I do have a car now but I used to not and just shopped little and often.

Midlifemusings how are you settling in?

Thanks for asking! It is much better now. I have unpacked and settled and gotten plants and have done a lot of walking around the neighbourhood. Still haven't met a lot of people and I need to get into an exercise and social routine but overall I don't feel like I did 3 weeks ago. I have my tea in the morning by the open window and start my day with fresh air! I am using the local corner store and I wander over every couple of days just to get out and about and pick up one or two things.

I still have a ways to go until it feels really normal but it is so much better than it was.