head MRI for 19 year old - we need to be there, right? in case it's really bad?

[ServantofthePeople]

I'd appreciate some help from those with experience.
our student son is having some neurological symptoms investigated urgently, hopefully just from an infection.
my husband and I are debating whether one of us should be there. I was there for the last appointment and whilst the downside was that he picked up a bit on my anxiety the upside was that I asked some important questions and picked up that our local hospital had failed to forward on notes.
I appreciate that no mri technician is going to talk to him or us about results but presumably if they saw something obviously abnormal they would alert the radiolgist who would alert the doctors and things would happen pretty quickly? in other words we do need to be there? Plus I think it would be useful to have his dad there in case he finds the MRI experience scary. His dad is taking on the "not worried" role right now.

Experience from those in the MRI world/who see people in MRIs particularly appreciated.

The MRI technician isn't going to tell you anything - no one will till the radiologist has had chance to review the images, so on that basis there's no need for either of you to be there.

Second point - DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD PICK UP ON YOUR ANXIETY - that's parenting101 surely?

I wouldn't think you have to be there no, but it sounds as though you want to be there for you if that makes sense? He'll be fine, I doubt anything important will happen at that appointment and it sounds like you're being anxious about it which won't help him.

I would ask him what he wants. He might prefer just to get on with it himself or me might like one of you to be there. You won't know unless you ask.

Does your son want one or both of you there? That is all that matters as it’s entirely his decision. Not yours.

Does he want you to be there? I wouldn’t have wanted an obviously anxious parent there with me at that age to be honest.

I have MS. When I was referred for an urgent MRI during diagnosis the initial report took 48 to 72 hours and that was quick. It's unlikely to be a case of them escalating to actual results on the day.

That's really NOT "parenting 101". By the age of 19, a healthy parent-child relationship is more authentic and honest than that, closer to a good friendship. If she's taking over the whole appointment ululating about how terrified she is, that's a problem - but a normal, contained level of understandable human nervousness is fine.

I would want to be there - but I would ask DS whether he wanted that or not, and do whatever was easiest for him.

TBH I’d be available, if he wants you there. Not so much for results etc, but because having an MRI isn’t a great experience. They’re not quick, you have to stay absolutely still, & they are loud. And if he has claustrophobia that’ll be an issue too.

It really depends.

My daughter's results took 20 minutes (it wasn't good news, and very obvious on the scans what was wrong), so if they don't something working, depending on what it is and if they need to act quickly it can be very quick indeed.

Personality, I'd ask if he wants you there, and if the answer is no, respect that but be nearby just in case.

You need to be the calm one though, reducing his anxiety. If you make him feel worst, then it's probably best you don't attend sadly.

Hope all is well.

Only go if he feels anxious about the procedure and wants moral support.
He will not be told anything on the day, an outpatient scan will take a few days to report on.

My now 20 year old DS always appreciates one of us being there. It can be a scary process, especially the first time.

Does your son want one or both of you there? That is all that matters as it’s entirely his decision. Not yours.
^ this. He's an adult.

Tbh an MRI isn't really the kind of appointment you need someone with you for, I've had a couple and they're really not a big deal. Unless he has severe claustrophobia or something and would like you there in the waiting room for support. I wouldn't have thought you'd get to go into the room with him (I've never seen the need to take someone with me so haven't tested it) and as others have said it's not like e.g. an ultrasound where you might be given the results there and then it will take some time for someone to look at it and interpret it.

I’ve had a lot of MRIs. Never had anyone there but also never had anything raised from it - it’s always been “the consultant will get in touch with you to talk about it”. Depends on the hospital but mine doesn’t allow anyone to wait for you, only to pick you up.

You won't be able to talk to them. They go in, get you strapped in and then leave the room. They come back in and unstrap you and off you go.

They won't tell you anything. You'd be better off going to the follow up appointment if he wants you there.

He's barely an adult at 19 and you know him best.
If you think he'll need his Dad or yourself then offer him the choice.
I remember my first mri years ago it was an urgent and it didn't fully sink in until I was outside the possibilities.

And thinking about it, they might not let you in. They let you in at gosh but that's with children. He's an adult.

What does your son want?

You wouldn't be able to be within the room with him while he undertook the MRI. The technicians will be in a separate viewing room while it actually takes place.

Perhaps see if he wants company at the hospital beforehand OP and use that judgement but I think your DP is right not to make more out of it than there needs to be, plus there are still covid limitations in place in some departments.

Your DS can ask them to play music (aka pick a radio station) through the headphones which helps as the MRI is very loud and reverberates a lot so it is best to appraise him of that. It's annoying but tolerable. There are also mirrored glasses which reduce claustrophobia by essentially tricking the brain into 'seeing' an open space, if that is an issue he can ask for them.

I realise it is worrying but these things are often to rule out anything serious rather than because a doctor thinks there is absolutely something wrong. Should there have been a danger of life or urgent (same day) treatment suspected there wouldn't be much of a wait from my experience. 'Urgent' often means expedited and not put on the general list (which is months long) rather than serious risk of danger in which case a&e or attending the hospital straight away would be advised.

The technicians will complete the procedure and it will be escalated to be checked by the relevant qualified person and you will hear if he needs to return to the hospital. Otherwise I would expect not to hear a great deal within days of it and if there was no concern then in that instance it would be picked up by his consultant in clinic and passed to your GP in my experience and you can get the results there or via letter a little later when that is done.

I have MRI's often (2 or 3 or so a year) and do hate them but they are tolerable and an excellent and very detailed diagnostic tool so he is in good hands in terms of picking up on anything of worry.

thank you esp Greensleeves and these posters:

"Somuchgoo · 29/04/2022 16:35
PastMyBestBeforeDate
I have MS. When I was referred for an urgent MRI during diagnosis the initial report took 48 to 72 hours and that was quick. It's unlikely to be a case of them escalating to actual results on the day.
It really depends.

My daughter's results took 20 minutes (it wasn't good news, and very obvious on the scans what was wrong), so if they don't something working, depending on what it is and if they need to act quickly it can be very quick indeed.
Personality, I'd ask if he wants you there, and if the answer is no, respect that but be nearby just in case.
You need to be the calm one though, reducing his anxiety. If you make him feel worst, then it's probably best you don't attend sadly.
Hope all is well."

Somuchgoo - thank you. I have a right to go to the town in question without telling him, if a message comes through like the one I'm very sorry to hear you had, I can avoid a hellish train journey. And if, as is likely, it doesn't, then no harm done.

I can also pretend I'm working in NearbyTown that day - or even go and work in NearbyTown.

If there is something pressing on the organ in question it will affect it very quickly and so, I suspect, be taken out very quickly.

I had a head MRI when I was 15 and a follow up one when I was 18, for something potentially scary. My Dad took me the first time and held my ankle (only bit sticking out of the machine) the whole time. I wasnt nervous before but seeing him there and worried did make me more anxious.
I went alone the second time and it didn't feel like a big deal, it was just boring and noisy. You don't get to know anything at the time even when something is wrong. I just left after and went back to college.

More thank yous.

It's not so much being in the MRI room. I've done a head MRI myself as a claustrophobe and would definitely send DH instead to be outside the room for that.
it's more that there will be a whole battery of tests which could get quite mentally exhausting.
He's very grown up and very not grown up at the same time - as you would expect from a teenager.
On Wednesday when I was there he was asking me things like whether it was ok to go to the gym after having his bloods taken.

To add though I would probably have liked it if he were in the hospital cafe or waiting in the car or something in case the experience had upset me or I needed him. As it was though it was fine.