If you became a SAHM..

[wastedtwenties]

How do you manage your finances? Assuming your partner supports you, pays for bills etc... then does your partner give you "spending money"?

If so how much? In comparison to his earnings?

We have a joint account that all household and child expenses come out of. Then we each get the same amount of spending money in our personal accounts which is ours to do with as we like. Leftovers go in joint savings.

Joint account and a joint credit card. We discuss most purchases anyway, not in an asking permission kind of way but just in general conversation. I would have hated to have been given housekeeping money or to have had to ask for money to go out with friends or get my hair cut etc but we did obviously have a budget that we worked within, it’s not like I would have been blowing money needed for groceries on clothes!

Husband's salary goes into a joint account.
I use a credit card for most purchases and pay it off using the joint account. He also has a credit card and does the same. So we can only see the overall spend not exactly what we've bought. It works well. Each has freedom but neither takes the piss. We didn't design it that way but it evolved that way and works for us.

What do you do about pension?

And if you don’t have one, what protection do you have in place?

I don't think I have that kind of shelf life, unfortunately.

All finances were joint and I managed them both before and after kids. But we always discussed big purchases. Stood me in good stead when we divorced as he had no clear idea of what we had so had no chance to hide anything, and I was able to pull spreadsheets together very easily for arguing my case for how much child support was needed.

I don't have access to his bank account. But when we married I was given a joint credit card to spend with.

It's my second marriage and I'm financially cautious.

I also have a small independent income too of about £1000 a month. I save this for our retirement.

We invested in property as my pension.

We always just had a joint account with joint access. I also had a credit card linked to DH's account. He never said what I could or couldn't spend. We both knew what was in the account, spent appropriately and discussed big purchases which would notably affect the balance. When DH got his bonus each year, the amount we agreed to save was always split between our individual accounts too.

All money split 50:50 then an agreed amount put into an account for utilities, mortgage and food.

@givethatbabyaname it's a bit outing but he only started up a year ago. So it was a joint decision that he would run the business and we would use our savings and my salary until we got to a stage that we could withdraw a decent amount from
The business. It's just happened that as that time has come, circumstances in my life mean I am considering giving up work.

So I was just looking for different opinions/ ideas on how to manage it best. Be rest assured we are definitely one team and everything is joint, it's just about how much spending money and how best to manage this

Thank you for Putting this so clearly! This is exactly the plan but I was just wondering how to do the spending money. The thread should've been about managing spending money for both really

Thanks - this is helping me reframe it in my own mind. Dh isn't the issue, it was more me just thinking about how best to manage it.

The thread should've been about managing spending money for both really
it should be an equal amount.

When we both work we have wages paid into seperate accounts and then an equal set amount paid into a joint account for household stuff and joint purchases.

When other half went back to Uni for a year postgrad she had no income, followed by a prolonged period of unemployment as she tried to get a new job in a higher position with her new qualification (covid19 made getting into her profession at the time very difficult) and she was on JSA. For those two years we decided I would just have my total wage paid into our joint account and she had free rein at it. We always discussed big purchases before anyway and neither of us are high rollers or brand queens so we didn't really have any issues. The idea of setting a 'spending allowance' never occured to me since I trust her to be sensible and would never begrudge her anything. The idea of an 'allowance' infantilises a partner and creates a power inbalance. In an equal relationship that is weird at best. If spending or finances had become an issue I am sure we could have sat down with bank statements, a spreadsheet and compromised on a spending plan for both of us which we could agree on. Being a SAHM is a massive responsibility and job. Stiudies show that between child care, home maintainence/cleaning, laundry, shopping, cooking, school runs and home administration a SAHM's work is worth the equivalent of £185,000 a year. Any partner who would begrudge you free and equal access to their wage considering the value you are adding to your shared lives and family is someone you should get rid of.

I have had experience of friends in my friends group who became SAHM or who took career breaks and became dependent on 'allowances' given by husbands, or whose spending was monitored. I have been out with friends and seen them refuse to make purchases because of what their DH would say...it felt weird. These are well off people and yet these previously strong and independent women were scared to buy a coffee, or have a cocktail with dinner because DH would question it.

Joint account all the way.

n.b.
I do understand that extenuating circumstances such a gambling habits, alcoholism, certain mental health issues, impulsive spenders, shopping addicts etc etc. Partners may have to consider something more rigid like a 'spending allowance' but ordinarily I disagree with it.

I'm a SAHM to our 5 month old DD. It was decided together that I would give uo work as we have no family close by/ my husband works long hours and a few other reasons. We've always shared money since we've been married and i don't have a budget/ spending money. I spend alot more money now then when I was working because I'm out at classes/lunches etc

Also - I do have access to the business account - not that I'm going to start withdrawing money from it but just to illustrate that it is all family money

And we are married, yes

I like the idea of either putting a large enough amount into joint to just have a free for all, or transferring a set amount to both of our personal accounts for spends.

Joint credit card that earns points for anything we could buy on it paid off in full every month automatically, joint account, individual savings accounts as well as a joint savings account. We have always had a yearly "financial meeting" re what we have spent, where we spent it and plans for the next year. This has never been a I cannot believe you spent X on take away coffees etc, just a general let's look at the finances.

We had been living together for 7 years, married for 4 years before I became a SAHM. We initially said we would trial it for 6 months and come back and discuss how we both felt it was going. We discuss any purchases over X amount with each other. It works both ways.

I think it can be different if money is tight or you have different attitudes to spending money. This includes putting money back into the business and whether it would make financial sense for you to be a shareholder and drawing down dividends too.

Excellent post. I think we'll just give ourselves a big enough budget in the joint to cover both bills and personal spends.

Neither of us are big spenders anyway

Also, where your children's expenses come from, ie if you are going down the X into each individual account then allowances must be made for the costs for the children. Uniform outlay, activities and clubs etc and the endless shoes that they need.

SAHM for more than a decade. We just had a joint account into which all our income was paid and we trusted each other to spend responsibly.

Joint Account, I have a bank card and a credit card for it too. I don't spend too much anyway but I can buy some clothes or go out for dinner whenever I want 🤷🏼‍♀️

DH transfers the vast majority of his salary into the joint account, out of which all bills (mostly managed by me) are paid. He keeps something back for his day to day expenses, and I guess any “fun” purchases, although honestly we so rarely buy stuff for ourselves!

Anything I wanted for myself I’d buy using the joint account. I think this month I’ve bought myself a necklace, and a bunch of coffees which I guess are also non-essential…

All money goes into a joint account. We did that long before I was a SAHM and just continued. Not given spending money just buy things as and when either of us need or want them. We trust the other to be reasonably sensible and to consult on big items.

Joint account, no worries.