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Original poster

For those with children leaving the nest. Who has family group chats

43 replies

Enko · 24/04/2022 09:52

Dd1 is going to be moving out of home and in with her boyfriend in June. (She is currently on a course until then hence June)

They have moved her books over and today we proudly got photos in our family group WhatsApp chat.

Dh asked the question "at what point do we invite boyfriend to the family group chat?"

I found it a interesting question. I will admit it had not occurred to me to do but as dh said it I thought well yes at some point we will do so. Boyfriend is highly likely "the one" (as far as you can feel certain of that. No crystal ball obviously) so I suspect will be in our lives.

What have others done? Our group chat is active as our 4 children are spread around at different unis and courses so we use it as a catch up.

The children have their own separate group too (named by ds it is called I've got all my sisters with me) 😀

OP posts:
CloudPop · 24/04/2022 09:53

Interesting question! I look forward to hearing how others have approached this

ImInStealthMode · 24/04/2022 09:54

When they're engaged / married / have kids maybe if he's keen, or alternatively never.

I have no interest in being in my soon to be DH's family group chat. If I need to speak to one of his sisters for example I just text them. I don't need endless pictures of what everyone is having for dinner or their kids at the beach Grin

EmergencyHammer · 24/04/2022 09:58

I've been with my husband for 18 years and we have children but my family group chat is still just me, mum, my brother and three sisters

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Original poster
Enko · 24/04/2022 09:58

The way things are going through many young couples will chose not to marry for a long time and some not to have children so does this - they never go I to the "inner circle"?

My stepdad has been in my life since I was 5 he and mum never married but I still view him as stepdad a part of my life and message him as I do my dad.

OP posts:
Ccharlotte · 24/04/2022 09:59

I don't think you do. Different if they request to join.
Some families have immediate family only chats and then extended family.

elliedoodles · 24/04/2022 09:59

It is just WhatsApp - you’re overthinking it a bit.

Whatsthestoryboringglory · 24/04/2022 10:01

This is interesting. I am in a group chat with my sibling and my Mother (Dad has no interest in smart phones!) but I have no interest in adding DP to it. Or my siblings partner. I think it would change the dynamic.

However, I’m in a family chat with DP and his mother, that does not include his sibling or their partner. Works well for what we use it for.

I guess the answer is whatever works for you all. Add the BF? Keep that as the “kids” group and start a family group? I’d probably ask all the kids how they feel about it.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 24/04/2022 10:01

Not sure if it's relevant as I'm the child rather than parent here.

Our family (my parents and brother) WhatsApp group was created when DB moved to America and DH (been married 5 years at that point) was added by my mum. However, DBs girlfriend who he's just moved in with has yet to be added, it has been mentioned and as he is group admin, it's down to when he does.

In my opinion, when the relationship seems serious (i.e long term plans or living together) seems a good idea 🤷‍♀️

On the other side of it DHs family don't have one.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 24/04/2022 10:03

DB added him not mum

airrrrAIRRRRiELLLL · 24/04/2022 10:05

Never occurred to anyone to invite other halves. DP of 40 years has always had a sibling chat group even before the internet evolved. No way would I want to be part of it. We have a family chat group, another one with my brother included, I have one with my dds. If their partners wanted to be included that would be up to them to set one up.

Original poster
Enko · 24/04/2022 10:05

I wonder if it makes a difference how well you get on with the new boyfriend/girlfriend. In this case he fits in well and is liked by all of dds siblings. I have no intention of inviting him right away. I am however in a group chat w dh and sil. Yet sils new "ish" guy (2 years together) have not been added. It's also not active at all and I often message sil separately.

I technically have a group chat with my siblings but it's not been used for 6 years when our mother died. So. Hard to compare with this chat as its used daily.

OP posts:
ShadowPuppets · 24/04/2022 10:07

We have one that’s mum, sister and me, and then one that’s the same but with sisters boyfriend and my DH. Dad has no interest in it and doesn’t own a mobile phone 😄

The bigger one is for general arrangements & chat and gets used more, the smaller one is for stuff that the boys wouldn’t be interested in… a lot of the time it’s for pictures of the kids 😆

watcherintherye · 24/04/2022 10:08

Our family group chat is just us and the 3 dc, two of whom have moved out and have long-standing (and lovely!) partners. We don’t use it a huge amount, but it’s nice to have. I think the assumption is that any info, photos etc. will be relayed to partners. It’s never been suggested that they be added. I wouldn’t have any objections, but not sure they’d be interested in football talk, banter between the dc, and the dc occasionally asking me to order stuff on their behalf as I have Amazon Prime!

cloverleafy · 24/04/2022 10:09

Mix it up. I have a group with my sister and my mum. One with them plus my dad. Another that original nuclear family plus our spouses.

LindaEllen · 24/04/2022 10:14

I don't think my partner could think of anything worse than being in my family group chat! I am in his - but only because they make plans in there and he's rubbish at reading group chats so I'm there so at least one of us knows what's going on. But their group chat is literally just functional, mine is always full of absolute shite.

user47 · 24/04/2022 10:16

We have a siblings group chat and I would never expect DH or any of their spouses in it!!

Pyri · 24/04/2022 10:19

We have 2 family group chats:


  1. immediate family of parents and us siblings

  2. one that includes the spouses too


works well as day to day rubbish gets put in the first group chat but stuff like everyone wishing spouses happy birthday or photos from family events that everyone was at go in the second

StillNiceCardigan · 24/04/2022 10:22

Both DD’s are in serious relationships and it would not have occurred to me to invite their partners to join the family group chat. I’m sure they wouldn’t be interested in our wordle scores or pictures of cats anyway.

AchillesPoirot · 24/04/2022 10:31

I have a family group chat with my kids and it's just us.

I also have one with my brother and again it's just me and him (he's married I don't have a partner)

Moodycow78 · 24/04/2022 10:31

How does DD and how would your other children feel? Are they close to Dd's BF? This may have a bearing, if he's considered by everyone to be practically family and it wouldn't affect the group chat and DD wants him to join then fair enough but I think if anyone has doubts probably best not to. I think the answer to this is different for every family.

ENoeuf · 24/04/2022 10:32

We have - household chat


  • family in the house plus local family

  • me and my youngest boys

  • me, dh and my mum

  • me, dh, my mum, dd

theyve all evolved organically so I guess this will continue

Useranon1 · 24/04/2022 10:33

We have two - one with partners, one without.

theDudesmummy · 24/04/2022 10:35

We have two family groups, one of me, DH, two adult DDs and child DS. The other is the adults without DS. Both DDs are in long term relationships, I would not have even thought of including their boyfriends in the groups.

MadameDragon · 24/04/2022 10:37

You can have as many groups as you want, just make a new one once they start getting involved in logistics of e.g. Christmas and give it an adminy type name so that it’s less radical if you have to kick them out

MargaretThursday · 24/04/2022 10:39

I would leave it for now, and if it starts looking like it would be helpful for him to join ask your dd if she'd like to add him.

I'm not on dh's family (I suspect one of the partners is, but as they're very much inclined to try and control everything then I'm not surprised) and we don't have a family one on my side (trying currently to persuade that parents getting a smart phone is not akin to inviting aliens to steal their bank details) but I don't think I'd particularly want dh on it, nor would he want to be on it. I'd tell him anything he needed to know.

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