When shit things happen to you, what do you do to pull yourself back up again ?

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

What helps you ?

Omg LOVE the idea of a rage walk with my friends.

Going to sleep.

Like a computer I must be turned off and on again.

A few days of low effort food/take away
A good old wallow with my DP

I’m a big fan of
“it’s either going to get worse, get better, or stay the same”.

I don’t know why I find it comforting because on the face of it I do. Lots of people disagree and find it unhelpful mind you! I apply it to illness/injury a lot also.

The only thing that helps is time

I tell the horses about it. They are the least judgemental listeners, and they have lovely soft shnozzes 😍
I write open letters. Sort of like a diary but helps me to imagine I'm talking to a specific person.

I'm sorry if you are struggling OP & other posters.
I do lots of things that make me feel warm, safe and comforted first:
Listen to a soothing podcast (As the Season Turns)
Lay under soft fleece blankets
Have a nice coffee & cake
Go for a swim to clear my head
Talk it through with my 2 good friends. I do a check in with them & tell them how I'm feeling & almost try to gain some perspective maybe around my reaction to the situation.

Then when I've done the things above or similar, I sit down & look at the situation. I learnt this in a course recently where you then look for the gift or lessons that that awful situation has given you. It might be the strength that you've had to find to get through it, things you've learnt about yourself or others, you might have been forced to change the way you work. I know this sounds counterintuitive but it really does help.
A close friend of ours has died recently & he was young. It's really put things into perspective for us as a family. I really feel although he's had an unfairly short life, it was a life lived. He's inspired us to do things & sort out our shizzle in terms of finances & wills. It's made us plan to do more things on a small, day to day basis but also on a bigger scale (holidays abroad to places we've always wanted to see).
A book that might help (if you're up to reading at this point) is The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday.

I hope things soon ease for you @LovelyYellowLabrador .

We’ve had a rough 6 months and what got me through was music. I love listening to all sorts of music - pop when I needed energy, rock when I needed to let out my anger, ballads/classical when I needed a good cry.
I also have some fantastic friends who I can open up to - 2 hour phone calls when we would put the world to rights.
I also found telling people at work helped to and instantly took some of the mental pressure ‘to keep going’ off.

A lot depends on the situation, sometimes all you can do is ride it out and focus on self care as much as possible. Other times there are small things you can do to help or improve a situation and I often ask myself 'what can I actually do ?' , it might simply be a case of asking for help or advice, or letting others know I am struggling.
I also think the restorative power of having a good old emotional wallow in the shitness of it all, is very much underestimated.

Go for a walk
Limit SM
Meditate
Positive self talk
Journal
Healthy foods
Spend time with people I love
Gratitude diary
Happy music
Keep busy
Get enough sleep
Avoid alcohol

Main technique at the moment - live in the moment and try and practice stoic thinking

At the risk of sounding ‘woo’ as people say, here’s my coping mechanism.
I read a book once from a spiritual teacher who believes that we live multiple lives. The book states that each time, before we begin a new life, we have a conversation and a contract with other souls who have lessons to learn. We agree that we will meet certain people at certain times in our lives that will serve as teachers for our growth. Some of the lessons we experience with these people can be turbulent, cruel, wonderful and everything in between.
I believe in Karmic relationships also, and not just in a romantic sense.
When things get tough with life or people in general, I cope by reminding myself this is a lesson I asked to learn before I became conscious in this 3D world and try my hardest to be grateful for the resilience it teaches me.
Not for everyone, but works for me.

When my anxiety is bad, remembering that previous episodes have always been time-limited and that this one will end too.

Looking at the view of the harbour/hills from my window and remembering that the beauty of nature is always there.

Running downhill while listening to beautiful music. Walking and listening to funny podcasts/audiobooks.

Tidying, cleaning and singing my head off when everyone else is out of the house.

Processing emotions I didn't even know I had by writing short stories.

Documentaries about chimps.

The local walks I can do, one of the very few positives from Covid 19 restrictions is the things I have discovered I can see. Yesterday, two mallard families have had ducklings, 13 between them.

What can get me down is when I try my very hardest to be prepared, do a lot of research to make sure I did something correctly & wisely, and then not only do my efforts fail but I end up with an unexpected & bigger problem than I started with. I have to keep putting the problem in context : "I won't get fired", "I can afford to fix it", "Nothing ventured nothing gained", "If this is the worst thing that happens to me this year, I am a lucky person indeed", "Failure is not end of the world" Sort of works. Frustration, or This kind of failure is possibly my greatest MH weakness.

I try to think positively "What can I do to make this situation better and not worse" ?

Also a fan of exercise & getting out into nature -- but that's maintenance, not situational.

Allow myself to feel upset. Then think about what learning there is for me from the experience. Then look for the positives and get back on it.

I am recovering from breast cancer, diagnosed last year. My DH has recently had a stroke so you could say I’m right in the middle of it.
im still fatigued after radiotherapy so I do what I can but get plenty of rest. DH has been incredibly lucky and is likely to make a full recovery but at only a month on he too is very fatigued.
mentally I find that limiting social contact and not trying to carry on helps immensely. Trying to keep up is exhausting so we are just plodding on at our own pace.
Also previous life experience helps, I know that if I just try to carry on as normal then I will reach burn out very rapidly. I did in the weeks following DHs stroke, but that was unavoidable. Now DH is starting to do things around the house the pressure is reducing.I would have been easy to just do everything but that wouldn’t have helped his recovery and he is very determined so frequently tells me to let him do it for himself. I love it now he has resumed his coffee making duties first thing in the morning.
it’s going to be a slow process but we have accepted that the future will be different.
we have both had to face a future without each other rather earlier than we anticipated (both late 50s) but it has given us an understanding from both the patient and the partner.
Fortunately we are both retired although I still work part time.
I think you just have to stand still for a moment and take stock. Reduce outside stress ( optional activities for example are not necessary and we have a fantastic excuse to get out of stuff we would normally feel obliged to do). Focus’s on you and don’t take on other peoples problems.
learn to say no.

Oh and having a Labrador is the best therapy. We all talk to her, she is better than any therapist.

Act therapy- Russell Harris books :)

Genuinely really sorry to read this, @vickibee.
You don't say how long ago your DH died, and I have no words to say that will help, that don't sound like platitudes.
You feel shit, and you will feel shit, and all I can do is to send you

Mind 5 ways to wellbeing are a good start

@vickibee ❤️🌺🌸

Music and books, anything to distract myself if possible. Sort of shut off from the real world for a while.

My late DM used to say "this to shall pass" now I know that the pain of some things will never pass but that worst part when your days are so dark that will pass. Not just for grief but all life's trials.
I also try hard to think I've only got maybe 70 ish years just seek out some good things for yourself whatever that may be.
Waking
A hobby you really enjoy, reading, gardening or volunteering.
Good connections with people you can say today is hard do you fancy a meet up for a coffee.
I also found the bereavement board on here very useful as I felt less alone and it makes you see thousands of people are struggling just like you.
Get a pet if possible
Mother youself, I miss being mothered in that you need to be the one saying eat well, put a warm coat on, get that checked at the GP, you need that break with friends book it. You have to be your inner mum.

Ask yourself what you need to get through the next hour. Then do it.
One hour at a time.
I hope you’re okay OP.

In the most immediate sense I put on a talk radio station or a podcast to drown out the thoughts in my mind. Music only makes me reflect - I've listened to entire world history series.

In the longer term I try to exercise and eat healthily. I believe that some grief will never actually totally disappear but like a bruise the scar will fade over time.