Why does FIL do this?

[vonconk]

FIL popped round to pick something up this morning, dd wanted to show him her room that we are half way decorating.

I show him the once shabby old built in wardrobe that i’ve painted, he says “oooh, was that your idea?” to me and then does this weird look and does a pretend strangle to my neck, hands not on my neck, but near it and the grimacing face and “grrrr noise”.

He’s one that twice before over the years and it always makes me feel uncomfortable.

And no, I’ve never said anything because it’s fucking bizarre and when something like that happens you are usually too busy thinking “what the fuck” to say anything.

PIL are nice to me, but I’ve long suspected they don’t like me, which is fine, not everyone has to.

I’m a huge believer about peoples real feelings being shown in jest.

It’s just an odd thing to do through, right? And I mean, so out of context with talking about a DIY
job?!

You’ll know not to show him any more of your handy work. He sounds like a knob, but then my FIL was a knob too.

I came here to give you a considered response, but all I can bring to the table on this one is, "cos he's a wanker". Really odd, and a bit creepy. Makes no sense.

He sounds like he's just trying to be funny.

That's just wtf tbh.

That's really odd. I would be asking what on earth if my DH did that to DD or DDIL for any reason ever. I mean, he never would, because he is a normal person..

Maybe next time just say 'I'm sorry I don't know what that is supposed to mean' and look at him enquiringly.

Agreed.

Sorry, quote didn't attach. He's just trying to be funny.
What have you done to the wardrobe? Is it a rubbish job?

No, it’s a good job! Looks like new now rather than the 70s monster in the corner that it was.

I wouldn't consider it bizarre. It's definitely not something I would like or do. I think it's just a dumb, outdated way of showing frustration.

Does he do anything else to make you feel uncomfortable?

A lot of people think it's sacrilege to paint proper wood, so maybe it's just that.

I'm 53, that was a fairly normal 'joke' growing up (animated, pretend, strangling). Sounds weird typing it out though. I'm only 53 & it's a different world to the one I get up in, I can't imagine what it's like for older people?!

So he must be frustrated by me in general then? Because honestly, it was a two second exchange about a wardrobe.

I find him odd. He’s very controlling - he can’t be with us because dh and I have never stood for it, he tries to though. Dh is good at nipping things in the bud. But him and MIL are very controlling over SIL and her children.

Oh it’s not proper wood! Just cheap crap that we can’t afford to rip out. It really was awful before.

Suggest you new hobby is Shabby Coffins and does he want to see your ideas?

I agree to a point - it does sound like he's trying to show he's frustrated but doing it in a 'jokey' way.

But OP, why the hell would he be frustrated by you decorating something in your own house?

Was it his and he passed it on to you (still not ok but maybe an explanation of sorts)?

He sounds like a weirdo and the fake strangling thing is fucking inappropriate!

I'd say something like a PP suggested, "FIL I have no idea what you mean by that weird growl and fake attack. Could you not please, it's inappropriate."

Its just hard to think of what to say when it’s happening!

It was just so, so odd this morning and keeps playing on my mind.

Nope, no connection to the house.

No great live of a crappy built in MFI wardrobe from the 70s either!

I’d feel the same. What was the prior situation when he did it?

Maybe it’s all part of his want for control.

They do everything for SIL. I was always told she was lazy, but over the years, I’ve started to wonder if it’s PIL always thinking they know best and making decisions for her.

Dh and I have been together 11 years, but until 2 years ago we lived 200 miles away.

I didn’t realise how controlling they wanted to be until we moved to the same town (it did not go well at first when dh put his foot down).

It’s probably part of that.

Pent up anger?

It means that he either thinks-
a) you had to mess about painting the wardrobe and now poor darling grandchild won’t get a new wardrobe- what a meddler you are.
b) there was nothing wrong with the wardrobe - what a meddler you are.

it’s a faux jokey way of him putting you down.

ignore him completely- it will wind him up the most!

Bizarre, but yes it seems to be a 'jokey' way of expressing frustration.

I really hope he doesn't do it again but if he did I think I'd bat him off & ask' FIL! Why are you attacking me?!'

Has he ever done it to your DH? Does he know the meaning of the weirdness?

Exactly what I wrote in my post.

Dd wanted to show him her room, we walked in he noticed the wardrobe and commented on it looking better, asked if it was my idea and then pretended to strangle me 😕

That sounds so odd.

You need to watch an episode of Friday Night Dinner.

When Martin (Paul Ritter) does something like this, his son Adam (Simon Bird) looks at him deadpan with a slight head tilt and says, 'What are you doing?'

Before that, he’d just knocked on the door to pick up a toy for a nephew, dd said “come and look, we are decorating my room”.

So nothing really.

Man, I wish I could rewind time!

When something like that happens, I just go blank. And then think, “eh? what?” and then the moment has gone.