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Original poster

Would you feel bad if your family had all had a get together without you

34 replies

LovelyYellowLabrador · 22/04/2022 22:31

So mum went to one of my siblings on Easter Sunday fair enough
then my other sibling got invited down

woudk that make you feel a bit crap or would you not be bothered or even relieved ?

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyYellowLabrador · 22/04/2022 22:32

The other sibling And that siblings family went down for the evening and joined them not the whole day

OP posts:
Batinhernightdress · 22/04/2022 22:33

Relieved, but then I suspect this isn't the usual response.

Maybeitstimeforachange · 22/04/2022 22:35

It happened to me Christmas time it really made me feel that I wasn’t part of the family which I always thought I had been. 😞

Abcdefu · 22/04/2022 22:36

Depends what you wear doing but I think I'd be hurt..

Original poster
LovelyYellowLabrador · 22/04/2022 22:37

maybe, did you find this when it was the lockdown Xmas ? too

OP posts:
Rittersport · 22/04/2022 22:37

Yes of course that's a horrible thing to do, not surprised you're gutted. However, they may have done it more through thoughtlessness rather than malice. Which do you think is more likely?

Original poster
LovelyYellowLabrador · 22/04/2022 22:37

We were out at lunch time but only for lunch

OP posts:
Hbh17 · 22/04/2022 22:38

I'd be delighted & off the hook! But I don't suppose I'd even know about it anyway - I'm just not interested.

MaryAndHerNet · 22/04/2022 22:38

They often do and I don't care. In fact, I don't care about anyone that doesn't want me around, my energies and time are limited, I have neither to spare for anyone that doesn't want them.

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 22/04/2022 22:39

I would probably have felt very upset not to be asked, but also relieved not to have to go.

Would the hosting sibling have had room for you, and also room in the oven etc if they had invited you aswell?

Maybe they intend to invite you with mum next time? But I do wish that people, but especially families, would communicate more.

I hope that this gets sorted satisfactorily for you OP - I don't suppose anyone wanted to hurt your feelings, but I do understand why it has. 💐

Original poster
LovelyYellowLabrador · 22/04/2022 22:45

I don’t think it was food in the evening just drinks outside In the garden

only reason I know is I asked mum if she had a good time and she said yes and that wzyz came as well in the evening

OP posts:
ThatPosterIsSoRight · 22/04/2022 22:51

The other way round drives me mad. An in law I like comes to stay with us. All the other in-laws within a 60-mile radius just assume they get to descend on our house and be hosted by us and eat our food and drink our beer.

can’t we just see this person alone and they see them separately?

so no I wouldn’t be offended if a family member had some round and not others.

obviously context and background is everything.

(also why isn’t my phone automatically doing capital letters when I start a new paragraph).

LetitiaLeghorn · 22/04/2022 22:54

Was it all pre-planned for your sibling to go down? Or was it a last minute decision?

Sunnytwobridges · 22/04/2022 22:58

Yes I would feel hurt. I find it strange when parents do things like this.

TheLadyDIdGood · 22/04/2022 22:59

Happened to me once for a siblings milestone birthday l, everyone was invited including cousins and aunts etc. I found out the next day after a cousin called me to ask why I didn't attend. I had no idea, called dm to find out and she said she didn't think I'd come because I lived far away. She was most put out when I told her the 3 of the 5 cousins plus their partners also lived 2 hours away. I've never forgotten that, it's stayed with me all these years.

Original poster
LovelyYellowLabrador · 22/04/2022 23:00

“Was it all pre-planned for your sibling to go down? Or was it a last minute decision?”

no idea on this one

OP posts:
TargusEasting · 22/04/2022 23:00

Hmmm. If my siblings, cousins or ancestors got together with me I would call it a haunting.

LetitiaLeghorn · 22/04/2022 23:03

LovelyYellowLabrador · 22/04/2022 23:00

“Was it all pre-planned for your sibling to go down? Or was it a last minute decision?”

no idea on this one

If it was pre-planned and they'd deliberately left me out, I'd be upset. If it was a last minute decision, I wouldn't think twice about it. I mean you could have called round off your own bat if you'd wanted to spend time with your mum and one sibling.

saraclara · 22/04/2022 23:08

It sounds as though the other sibling's attendance was spontaneous. Maybe they phoned and host sibling mentioned that your Mum was there. Or they popped by with Easter eggs and were invited to stay.

TheCrowFromBelow · 22/04/2022 23:09

It is shit.
it happened to me over mum’s birthday, something one of my brothers organised and then my other brother went, both with their families,?and I knew nothing.
I tried not to be gutted, but it is actually hugely hurtful. They have a what’s all group that I’m not on and they clearly use it a lot!
Mum bless her has just set up a WhatsApp group for all of us, however as I’m the only one responding, they are obviously all still using the one I’m not on so it’s a bit… odd.

workworkworkugh · 22/04/2022 23:14

A similar thing happened to me before.
My brother was playing in a band at a small venue only 15 minutes from my house. My whole family went, aunties, uncles, cousins and their kids, I mean everyone.
No one even told me it was happening.

I'm usually pretty close to my family so I was so hurt and upset.
Apparently a few people asked where I was and my Mum told them I was probably just busy/didn't want to go and when I asked my Mum afterwards why no one had told me about it she just said that I didn't ask...but how am I supposed to ask about something I had no clue about Confused

Houseplantmad · 22/04/2022 23:17

It is horrible. Happened to DH for his mum's 80th. Siblings who'd come from abroad went mid week to see her in the home, took the cake, champagne etc instead of waiting for us to come down with the DCs on the Saturday as we'd arranged with them. It wasn't even her birthday the day they went in but it suited them. They then phoned and told us not to bother coming as they'd done the "family" birthday celebrations. DH was terribly hurt. It didn't improve after she died when they really showed just what CFs they really are.

MargaretThursday · 22/04/2022 23:24

As others have said it depends on the situation:

All quietly planning it and not telling you, aware that they're all meeting-not fine.

Your dm going to see the sibling and other sibling popping in briefly/spontaneously in the evening fine.

Original poster
LovelyYellowLabrador · 23/04/2022 00:02

The other sibling was invited by the host sibling
I know that
but I’m not sure when it could have been on the day but we are less than half an hour away so not miles always

OP posts:
VivX · 23/04/2022 00:15

This happened to us one Christmas in-laws didn't invite all their grown up children - we all live fairly local to each other. We knew ahead of time and it wasn't secret in any way. Dh was a bit disappointed but there really wasn't the space for everyone to have a sit-down Christmas dinner altogether. We had a nice time at home instead and didn't make a big deal of it and we all still get along okay. Like any family, we have had our moments with both my side and the in-laws but this wasn't one of them.

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