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Original poster

Am I being a cow by stating on fb who my friends are re broken legs and support

48 replies

Watfo · 20/04/2022 07:58

So basically as some people are aware on here I broke both my legs by tripping over a doll and this whole situation has really shown me who my friends are meant to be! So called school mums who i thought were friends havnt even bothered to check in and ask if I'm OK some literally live a few doors away . I'm really upset and got my self quite down about it and now im really really tempted to put a post up in my Facebook saying something like.

This accident has really taught me who my mum friends are !

But I know that's asking for attention which in a way I want but in a way I don't want to let them show they've got to me .

Im acting like a cow arnt I, I just feel incredibly lonely sad and upset that these friendships mean nothing right now. If the roles was reversed I'd check in. Dont get me wrong my few good friends not from school have been checking in but they all live far away and I really could have done with some close support over the holidays

OP posts:
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 20/04/2022 07:59

Have you asked for any help, support or company?

Maybe they don't want to intrude if they know you're already struggling.

GivenchyDahhling · 20/04/2022 08:00

Posting a passive aggressive message on Facebook is never a good idea. You’ll look whiny and immature. Don’t do it.

Ohdoleavemealone · 20/04/2022 08:01

Whenever I see those message I just think "twat".
Just cut them out and move on.

Coughee · 20/04/2022 08:02

It's a bit cringe. I wouldn't do it. Have you tried asking for help? Or you could put a status up asking if anyone local could help you with x.

PegasusReturns · 20/04/2022 08:03

Posting a poor me message on FB will only serve to make you look stupid.

If you want help/support/company ask for it. If they’re friends then they’ll be more than willing.

Scandishores222 · 20/04/2022 08:03

I completely understand how you feel, I've been ill for a lot of the past year and I've been very hurt by some people's lack of care

I'd put something positive on FB 'thankyou to my friends who have looked out for me over the last few weeks, I couldn't have managed without you-you know who you are, really appreciate it'.

GollyGawsh · 20/04/2022 08:04

If rqyou need help why not post a FB post asking for it instead?

Alot of people won't want to assume you need help, although it would be nice to offer.

Lemonlemon88 · 20/04/2022 08:04

I think you would get a much better response if you posted that you are struggling and asked kindly for help rather than calling out those who haven't helped.

MiddleParking · 20/04/2022 08:04

Yeah it would be totally pathetic to do that and it wouldn’t make you feel better - it would probably make you feel worse in the end. There won’t be any kind of positive outcome. Sorry about your legs though, that sounds awful. Have you got any other support network? Partner/family?

MintJulia · 20/04/2022 08:05

I'm sorry you're in such a situation and I hope you are back on your feet soon. but be careful with your posting. You haven't had contact with people as you normally would. For all you know, they may be facing problems of their own.

TonkaTruckduck · 20/04/2022 08:06

Have you messaged the women asking for help?
They are probably up to their necks with work / kids / school holidays. Be an adult and ask for help, rather than post some bonkers shit on FB.

Branleuse · 20/04/2022 08:06

Dont do that. Put a facebook post up saying that youre really struggling and lonely since you broke your legs and please if anyones at a loose end can they come see you before you lose the plot.
In my experience, everyone has shit going on and is busy and a bit oblivious unless you actually say something and make an arrangement, and then theyre more than happy to.

saraclara · 20/04/2022 08:09

GivenchyDahhling · 20/04/2022 08:00

Posting a passive aggressive message on Facebook is never a good idea. You’ll look whiny and immature. Don’t do it.

That. Messages like that make me cringe and think a lot less of that person.

Everyone has different pressures on their time and stuff on their minds. Some are in a position to help, Some are not.

If you need something, ask directly. Don't out yourself as a whiney self absorbed prat, or you'll find yourself with far fewer friends. And some of the ones who've helped might be the ones who desert you after reading your passive aggressive bollocks.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/04/2022 08:10

God no, don't do it! You will look like an absolute loser!

Instead contact them and ask for the help you need. If they refuse to help in reasonable ways, that would be the time to get annoyed. But still no whiney messages though.

Strugglingtodomybest · 20/04/2022 08:12

Don't post that. Communicate properly. Message a friend who lives nearby and ask them if they'd like to pop in as you're feeling quite lonely and could do with some company.

Unless all the friends you have made at school are utter cowbags, you'll probably find that they assumed that your family/closer friends were looking after you and they didn't want to add to your stress by popping round.

Reach out, show your vulnerability, give them a chance before writing them off.

Branleuse · 20/04/2022 08:13

Its normal that youre feeling low and a bit sorry for yourself. Breaking both your legs must be shit. Please just speak up though. Be assertive and clear and friendly. Dont be passive aggressive, no matter how tempting x

Pearlyqueen21 · 20/04/2022 08:13

I’m sorry you’re having to cope with such a horrible injury - sounds very painful, and understandable that you’re struggling. However, a fb status like that won’t help.

It perhaps tells you all you need to know that you call these people ‘mum friends’ rather than just friends. So they’re in a separate category, and I would take it to mean less close/friendship of convenience etc. I think for an injury like yours, people would assume your partner/family will have everything in hand. You could maybe message one or two friends with specific requests, like coming round for tea and a chat? But unless you’re a single parent don’t ask them to do your shopping/childcare.

Santaslittlemelter · 20/04/2022 08:13

There’s so much going on for people, but how close are these mum friends? I have a mum friend group who I know would rally. But we are close and go drinking etc. it’s a genuine close friendship. I’ve lots of other mum friends I hang out with or grab a coffee but I wouldn’t expect them to jump in or even really remember I was having personal difficulty.

Relationships and friendships have so many different balances.

Mummumtum · 20/04/2022 08:15

Yeah in that scenario I’d probably text a vague ‘hope you’re ok, let me know if you need anything’ but I’d assume you had people much closer to you to help. Also it’s been Easter and school hols & people have busy lives

SleepingStandingUp · 20/04/2022 08:18

If you have to post, post something positive thanking those who have been there for you.

Have you asked for help? Have you messaged as normal? I'd like to think my s hook Mom friends would check in but I also wouldn't sit thee silently sulking until one of them did

Bunce1 · 20/04/2022 08:19

Don’t do it.

Branleuse · 20/04/2022 08:24

Thing is OP. You dont necessarily know what your other mates are dealing with either. I think adult friendships really do work best if you understand that everyones got things going on under the surface. Even my most loved closest friends - we ghost each other for weeks at a time. Months. Then its all love when we finally catch up.
If I ever mention im sad or lonely though and ask for some love, plenty do care.
Lots of people also have anxiety about intruding without being asked too

oliviastwisted · 20/04/2022 08:35

No don’t do that. To me it sounds like your expectations in friendship don’t match but that is a really common issue. Maybe just lower your expectations for them and you won’t be disappointed then. People have their own lives going on and they will have their own pressures and stresses in their own lives just let it go.

Bells3032 · 20/04/2022 08:51

Honestly don't. I find people doing that kind of thing very attention seeking. Never heard of "don't air your dirty laundry in public".

I also tend to find those that post stuff like that are the ones who think they're amazing friends but actually aren't. Eg one friend I was close to and I was there for him including spending two nights in a row in A&E with him when he drunkenly punched a wall and needed stitches and then his stitches broke the next night. However when my mother passed away he didn't bother coming to the funeral or the week of mourning after or even send me a text to see how I was. Now he always puts messages on fb about how he's so good to other people and people are never there for him. I just roll my eyes.

As others said its likely they have young children and it's been the holidays and they're been busy and sorry you're just not their no 1 priorty atm and you slipped down the list. Nothing wrong with that. People have their own lives. If you want company message them and invite them over. Lots of people also might feel awkward inviting themselves over if you can't easily entertain

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 20/04/2022 08:59

Ask for help. Ask for what you need. That's what a grown-up does. Don't set secret tests for people to guess you need help and then throw a paddy when they predictably fail. You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.

Tell people what you need and then everybody wins.