Am I being a cow by stating on fb who my friends are re broken legs and support

[Watfo]

So basically as some people are aware on here I broke both my legs by tripping over a doll and this whole situation has really shown me who my friends are meant to be! So called school mums who i thought were friends havnt even bothered to check in and ask if I'm OK some literally live a few doors away . I'm really upset and got my self quite down about it and now im really really tempted to put a post up in my Facebook saying something like.

This accident has really taught me who my mum friends are !

But I know that's asking for attention which in a way I want but in a way I don't want to let them show they've got to me .

Im acting like a cow arnt I, I just feel incredibly lonely sad and upset that these friendships mean nothing right now. If the roles was reversed I'd check in. Dont get me wrong my few good friends not from school have been checking in but they all live far away and I really could have done with some close support over the holidays

I agree with everyone else.If these are people you know from the school run, they may not feel comfortable just announcing they'll visit or whatever. It's only people you've known for a really really long time who would have the confidence to think, "Oh, she's probably sad and lonely, I'll pop by." My closest "mum" friend is someone I've known 10 years now and it's only recently that if something like this happened to her that I'd feel comfortable just appearing.

if you've got a group chat, ask if anyone wants to pop by or ask for help if you're struggling with something. People are often really kind in my experience, they just don't want to overstep the mark.

Don’t post a passive aggressive Facebook message. It won’t help.
In your shoes I’d direct message the ones I consider friends and directly ask if they are able to help. It’s so easy to get swept away with our own lives that proactively reaching out to ask others if they need help doesn’t always happen.

Facebook isn't a reliable tool for communication any more. Most people's news feeds are 90% adverts and promoted posts from influencers and interest groups and 10% actual content from friends. So the chances are that the people who you want to see this wouldn't even see it anyway. In any case as pp say passive aggressive whining isn't a good look.

Certainly post an effusive "thank you" to those who have been helpful.

To appeal for help from those nearby, uses SMS or WhatsApp to ask for what you need. "Really struggling at the moment with both legs in plaster and I don't have much support locally as family and closest friends all live far away. If you're able to lend a hand with {couple of examples of practical help} or just check in on me from time to time it would make a huge difference, and I will totally repay all favours once I have two working legs again!"

It's not that they don't care but if they aren't your best friends they may not be aware that you don't have close friends nearby, and certainly may be cautious to volunteer if they don't know you well enough to know whether you are a CF who will happily take favours and never return them.

Agree with everyone that unless these 'mum friends' are people who have become your best friends, then they probably assume you have close friends and family helping you out. If I needed help I would receive it from friends I've known for over 20 years, and my family, not the school mums I chat with while waiting to pick up my child. I'm sorry if you don't have anyone like that, but the school mums won't realise, so if you need them to help then you'll have to ask.

Sorry but if that happened to one of my friends, I would definitely find 2 mins to send a text asking how they are and checking what I can do to help (with school run for example). That's the bare minimum I would do and literally takes 2 minutes!

If I saw that on FB I'd think you obviously had a screw loose and stay even further away from you. I have a couple of relatives that do that sort of thing, I think it's bizarre and attention seeking. Concentrate on who your real friends are and don't worry about the others.

Years ago at a party I met a women who’d recovered from a significant injury she was hospitalised and debilitated for many months. She said many people she thought were really good friends did little or nothing to help her but a few that she barely considered acquaintances really stepped up to the plate. She said “when the chips are down you discover who your friends were”.
The party was being held by one of those pre accident “friends” when I talked to her

It’s just so petty I love it!

Oh please don't do that OP. I know you're at the end of your tether but it will only make you look bad, not them. They're probably just caught up in their own shit (you know what school holidays can be like) and staying out of your hair. If you have a group chat, post a friendly "Guys I'm really starting to struggle, would anyone be able to take the kids for a play date? I'll repay you when I'm back to normal!" and I'm sure you'll get someone who is willing to help out.

Sorry posted to early. The pre accident friend said with admirable honesty “she simply care about her enough to offer help/support”. Interestingly the lady who had the accident said that now she’s recovered the pre accident friends are now all back although I felt her view in them was slightly soured at best.

I agree with others don’t post on Facebook it will make you look bitter and twisted!

Definitely don’t post on Fb. I’m not on there anymore, but when I used to see those passive aggressive posts, I used to think they were attention seeking and very immature.

Agree with other pp - if you need help, ask for it. You will get a much better response.

Adding to the chorus of ‘don’t do it’, you’ll regret it.

Ask yourself how well you know these people, do you really know them well enough to say that they haven’t got their own life distractions they’re dealing with to have the time to notice you may need help or do they know you well enough to know that you don’t have support readily available?

I agree that you need to ask for what you want/need, people aren’t mind readers and could well think you have it all in hand. In your situation I know just as many people who would have an avalanche of support from family, some who have none and some who I wouldn’t know either way unless they told me.

Fb rants always come across as petty/immature.

Rely on your long-term friends. School Mum friends are exactly that.... School Mum Friends.

I don't think a Facebook post like that is a good idea. You're obviously, and understandably, feeling low right now.

What's your family set up? To be honest, if you were my friend, I'd probably have sent a message saying I hope you're ok and perhaps pop round a bunch of flowers or something, but I'd assume the day to day practical help was being done by family.

Sometimes you actually need to ask for help. If asked most friends will be there for you to do what you need.

I hope you get better soon.

Thank you all for your comments sorry its took a while to reply. You've all knocked sense into me I won't do it.
I have already messaged 2 of the mums to see if they wanted to come for a cuppa but I got no response that hurt me even more sorry should have stated that

Your all very correct its attention seeking and will make me look stupid I won't do it. Ahhhh just so fed up of being kept in the house no one to speak to in the day when kids are at school and husband is at work im fed up
My parents have been very supportive and taking the kids to school for me and husband is working, his already had time off to work in the first week for me to get stronger

I broke my ankle and leg last year. I really think some people just don't get how debilitating it is and how hard it is to ask for help. I found a lot of people just really didn't get it and I sort of understand before I was in plaster I had no idea just what it was like and unless you have been in the situation yourself I think a lot of people just see it as a few weeks with your feet up and flying around on crutches not that I was non weight baring for over 3 months , had to sleep on the sofa and needed help to get to the loo. I did have a few people who really helped and they were not the ones I would immediately have thought would do. I did put a post on FB when it first happened as I knew living in a village that everyone would have known that the ambulance had visited my house!. Quite a few people responded to that post with the 'if there's anything I can do just shout' type messages looking back not one of them did! I cant' begin to imagine how hard it is with both legs broken so I hope the breaks are not too bad and you will be mobile again soon. Do ask your GP for a referral for an OT report. They were amazing and provided aids that really helped as well as visiting regularly for the first few weeks.

If you need help ask for it. Don’t post attention seeking crap on Facebook. You aren’t 13.

Why do people post this passive aggressive shit on Facebook? It’s so immature
sorry you’re in this situation OP. It sounds tough. But you need to be a grown up and ask for help not post stupid crap on social media.

I have already messaged 2 of the mums to see if they wanted to come for a cuppa but I got no response that hurt me even more sorry should have stated that

ah that stings.

I would try them again if their generally decent people, they may have been caught up the Easter holidays throwing out their routines.

In fairness, if I saw a school mum acquaintance's parents doing the school run, and the husband at home more - I would assume they were sorting it between the family.

I am always happy to help anyone where I can, will always do lift shares etc but I do have to be specifically asked. I am at full capacity most of the time and am not scouting around for more to do. I imagine most people are the same - juggling their own work/school/activities/illness/pets/ill parents and relationship issues whilst trying to appear to be holding it together.

Whilst you are having a personal debilitating crisis and need others to step up, not many people have nothing else going on for them either.

I'm glad you've seen sense, OP. If you turn it round, you can say "real friends don't post public passive aggressive shit at their other friends, rather than actually ask straightforwardly"

Being a cow implies you’re being bitchy but have some power and control of the situation. Doing this is more of a desperate act of someone trying to regain some power but who has failed miserably to do so. I would think you are pathetic and then I’d make a mental note to avoid you after that.
it’s ok to think about these things in anger, that doesn’t make you pathetic, but doing it does.

if I’m understanding correctly these are mums of your DCs friends too, which makes it worse. Keep that civil for your DC. It’s not about you.

im sorry that’s happened to you, and I’m sorry your friends aren’t good enough friends, that’s really hard to take but just be thankful you know now, you don’t need to demean yourself because of it.