What can you say to people that constantly drone on about how busy they are

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

Honestly it’s like a dock measuring contest to some people
Even listing off what time they got up and all the chores and jobs they need to do

Honestly it so bloody dull !!

I posted a thread about this exact thing a couple
of days ago
its so annoying and arrogant when you get the apologies for not being in contact. Like you’ve been sitting there keeping count on the wall. My friend says things like “I was just in saisburys and you popped into my head. Sorry I’ve not been in contact you know what I’m like!!!!” Umm so what has sainsburys got to do with me?

I have a friend like this. I was made redundant at 61 and, as I had worked full time since I was 17, I decided I was going to 'retire'. My friend said she was so jealous and couldn't wait to retire. All she did was work, work, work. Either at work or at home. At the time I was averaging 45 hours a week. She did 15 hours a week and her house looked like everything had a fine dusting of talc everywhere, the carpet was caked in cat hair and there were piles of washing everywhere.

She could tell me lots of details about daytime TV shows though.😂

I have a friend who is soooo 'busy' her life is 'manic'! Apparently! Every day she sends me messages with lists of all the chores she has to do- her housework is a full time job! It's a 2 bedroom terrace Except it isn't- it's just stuff everybody else does while also holding down an actual full time job! She is a SAHP to an almost 17 year old- she even sends me lists of how busy her dd is- who of course always has far more school work to do than my dd of the same age and lists all the times she has to go to school and get back and how long it takes her on the bus etc. Her DH is also sooo busy and stressed, he's exhausted- which of course he would be as he has to wash the bathroom ceiling after work and do all the supermarket shopping, the windows, the dishes, drive the dd and her everywhere as she doesn't drive.

I never know what to say to her daily rants about being too busy- I think it's her way validating herself and feel sorry for her- I tend to just change the subject or counter it with posts of me in the pub while she's supposedly too busy cleaning- although think this just confirms that I have easier life than her in her head!

That’s the things that’s so annoying isn’t it?
we have jobs, friends, family, errands, homes
they’re busy doing the same thing every other fucker is but they’re just so so so much busier than you! you just don’t understand

Do you think that people think they are busy when they really aren't? Maybe a mental health thing of feeling overwhelmed?

I work part time, I volunteer, do exercise classes, I look after a 4 bed house, do a lot of gardening, cook from scratch and go walking a lot, but I never feel that my life is busy or overwhelming.

Just say, 'I won't keep you then!' and scoot off.

I have a friend who is soooo 'busy' her life is 'manic'! Apparently! Every day she sends me messages with lists of all the chores she has to do- her housework is a full time job! It's a 2 bedroom terrace Except it isn't- it's just stuff everybody else does while also holding down an actual full time job! She is a SAHP to an almost 17 year old- she even sends me lists of how busy her dd is- who of course always has far more school work to do than my dd of the same age and lists all the times she has to go to school and get back and how long it takes her on the bus etc. Her DH is also sooo busy and stressed, he's exhausted- which of course he would be as he has to wash the bathroom ceiling after work and do all the supermarket shopping, the windows, the dishes, drive the dd and her everywhere as she doesn't drive.

I never know what to say to her daily rants about being too busy- I think it's her way validating herself and feel sorry for her- I tend to just change the subject or counter it with posts of me in the pub while she's cle

Sorry, double posted by accident as thought it hadn't gone as screen went black!

Oh you are really busy?
Best let you go then !

I only feel busy when I've been disorganised, like forgetting to get a key ingredient for a meal so having to do a top up shop, or forgetting to put the dishwasher on the night before so my day starts wrong. The weird thing is though, once I feel "busy" everything else then takes ten times longer and I get far less done than I would otherwise. Plus I start avoiding tasks and going on MN and social media and endlessly scrolling.

The people I know who talk about being busy all the time seem to be constantly living my (thankfully rare) busy days. It must be pretty overwhelming.

Mine did, hence my cut off post earlier.

I think it often shows a lack of awareness/self absorption and I would guess that 80% if the people who indulge in the endless bore of it as less busy than the average person. Certainly seems that way in my experience. The other 20% well may be they are genuinely overwhelmed and it is obvious if they fall into that category (not I'm not referring to them).
I make a point of NOT competing or invalidating them in any way, even if I'm thinking 'FFS - that's just pottering about getting a few things done on your day off' and then get away as soon as I can. Why spend your (and my) precious free time talking about this unless you genuinely are at the end of your tether?!

I'm honest with them and tell them I don't care. Everyone is busy. Or I tell them to stop being a martyr and tell the lazy fuckers they live with to get off their arses and they will find time for a social life of whatever they are moaning about.

I find with these ppl half the things they list don't need doing.

I have a friend who used to be like this, and now ironically is very busy. She is getting worn out.
Obviously not nice for her, but I do wonder whether she will go back to saying she is soooo busy after her temporary situation has ended. I dont think she will actually, as she now knows what being super busy really looks like.

No, they dont.
My friend, she used to hostess a lot. She was deliberately making work for herself to do.

I have a work colleague like this.
She's always "so busy, absolutely swamped". She'll bang on about having had two conference calls, and three meetings on top of finishing a big report. Thing is, that's literally our job. If she didn't have all that they wouldn't need to hire her!

I have a family member like this. She's a SAHM with both grandparents nearby and ready to jump to help with childcare and yet she thinks she's the busiest person in the family.

It's never occurred to her that other people (including DH and I) have all the same chores and jobs to do and have to fit it all around full time work and children.

She once rang on a weeknight when I was hoovering and queried why I was doing it at that time ... why don't I just do it during the day? 🙄

My friend and I (who doesn't work) were having a discussion where she said she thought retirement was outdated. I said I was looking forward to retiring and her response was "I don't think I will ever be able to retire" ! eh?

I had one of these, relative by marriage. I actually had to go low contact with her because this and other issues were such a mental drain.

Mainly because she is a SAHM to one teenage child, nothing to do except housework and shopping, yet was always sending me teams of texts about her ‘busy’ day. Meanwhile I’m working 60hr weeks, three kids, dogs and barely treading water.

It was incredibly tone deaf and annoying, particularly as if I didn’t answer texts (y’know, because I’m busy 🤣) she would bombard me until I did.

I am not sure about this. I think many people ARE exceptionally busy and not because they want to be, but because they have bills to pay/children to care for and no down time or very little. I read 'too busy' from a friend, as being so exhausted by life. Maybe for some they use it due to insecurity about NOT have much on, but these types are the minority. Life is full on for most parents for decades, we are older than we were when our parents had children, we can't usually survive on one salary so much more paid work is needed. Life is a bureaucratic nightmare and the demands of children with little community support is really hard. We are not raising children collectively anymore, everyone is just doing the best they can.

When I hear busy, I hear I want to see you and our other friends but my life/energy levels won't let me but I am here, and I will get there. I usually react with compassion.
I guess it depends on who your friends are, mine aren't showy types but just honest. Life is knackering, cut friends some slack, things will eventually turn to a proper normal and not a new normal for most of us, and we are getting there at different stages.

I also think some 'busy' people actually have anxiety and feel overwhelmed most of the time by life. If from the outside they are really not busy on a practical level, then why do they feel it? If they are banging on about it, it is because it is really bothering them.

Oh god, I know a couple of people like this. They're annoying, so say the least!

First one is someone in a group of friends I have. She's very spoiled and self important anyway but is always banging on about how busy she is and how she might be able to squeeze us all in for a coffee in 6 weeks time but she doesn't want to go to X or Y for said coffee as she's so busy with her social life she's already been there 10 times this month. Then on the day she's late because she's been so busy. Just fuck off!

Another is a mum from my DCs school; she has three kids aged 6, 9 and 13 and each child does sporting activities and clubs 7 days a week. Then she moans about her busy life. She's so competitive too and wants her kids to be the best at everything when they're all pretty average!

My brother is unemployed and has been for years… that's another story. But every time I ask him what he's been up to, he says, not much. I ask have you been running (he used to do this twice a week). No, I've been too busy… Doing what?!! His house isn't that clean either. He doesn't game or read books any more. What the hell is he doing with his time. I agree with others. The too-busy excuse is BS. If you want to do something you make time to do it.

Thanks for the replies, feel better for that vent!
i guess someone then are just overwhelmed
but it’s so dull !! I think that’s what winds me up the most about it