My friend thinks menopause is a load of old bollocks.

[PurpleToeNail]

And I'm currently going through it. Struggling with an apple belly I never had before/hot flushes/exhaustion/sleeplessness/& terrible stiffness & pelvic aches. I'm mid 50s & she's 48. Do you think some women genuinely sail through with no symptoms?

of course some people have few, if any symptoms, and some will be on the other extreme.
she's being insensitive because some people really do suffer.
maybe with maturity she will meet more women and understand better.

I haven't met one yet who sailed through it.

Best tip I ever had was evening primrose oil capsules; back then it was still available on prescription but now you have to buy your own. Try them and see.

My mum said she barely noticed it. Physically that might have been true, but for those of us who love her, the 18 months of intense sudden rages (which she swore were all entirely justified) and forgetfulness were very hard for us and I'd assume for her. She's come back to more or less how she was, but will still tell everyone that she barely experienced her menopause. Your friend could be like that, could be still to come, or could be lucky.

That said, I do also think that on MN there is a lot of focus on the rarer and more severe end of menopause, similarly to the disproportionately huge percentage of MNers who seem to suffer severe anxiety, or have parents they've 'gone NC' with or physically can't breastfeed. Online spaces tend to attract those who are experiencing more challenges than average and are seeking advice or understanding, as well as a decent handful of people who just love the drama.

Also agree with @TheWeeDonkey in that I know several women who will say they had no menopause symptoms or that they "just got on with it" but who even to a casual observer were experiencing mood swings, concentration problems, insomnia and sadly, later, then experienced osteoporosis. This is part of the problem I think in that the effects are wide ranging and are often put down to "age". Eg I have a colleague now who is of menopausal age and suddenly is experiencing symptoms of dry eyes (NB this is substantially more than it sounds) but who will tell you she is unaffected by menopause.

I’ve never had cancer or a broken leg, but I can accept that they are real things that happen to many people. Your mate’s a twat.

I honestly think it depends on the person.
For me, l wouldn't say l 'sailed through it' but l think l had it very easy compared to a lot of women, and my mother was the same.
I had a few months of uterine shedding, very heavy bleeding, and some hot flushes (l still get the odd one now at 63). I had one course of HRT a few years ago, my GP prescribed me one for women who no longer had periods, but l started bleeding again while l was taking it. She told me to stop taking it, and l've had nothing since.
But for me, puberty was much worse. Very heavy periods, sometimes for weeks at a time, severe anaemia, and horrendous PMT. Told at 14 that it "would get better when l had a baby". I went on the combined pill at 15 which helped massively. Much lighter, more regular periods, and the PMT was much better.
Some doctors really need to appreciate how debilitating menopause can be for women. It's at a time when we're working, dealing with older children and elderly parents (in some cases) and it impacts hugely on our lives. Being female shouldn't mean being dismissed because of how our bodies behave naturally.

@TheyCallMeJune

YABU for using the phrase 'Apple belly' 🤢

Why ?

@PerseverancePays

Some people do sail through, other people have hot flushes every twenty minutes and wake up after 45 minutes every night for ten years before they cave and ask for help. They are the same kind of people that say childbirth is a load of bollocks because they opened their barn door fanny and their baby just fell out (looking at you big sister), doesn't mean that other people don't labour for longer and have life changing birth injuries. Some people can't imagine that other people have a different experience to their own.

And referring to someone who had an easy labour as having a "barn door fanny" is utterly vile. Some people seem to think it is gloating, and therfore unacceptable, for someone who had an easy labour to talk about it. Every woman's experience of labour and of menopause is valid and women should not be shamed for having a positive experience.

All of my labours were extremely easy. The longest one was 5 hours. None required pain relief. I attribute it to physiological good fortune and the time I spent learning about active labour and different breathing techniques. However, I also recognise other women have very different experiences, all equally valid.

I also sailed through menopause. I had one night sweat and that was it. I assume that was also due to the same physiological good forrune. Again, I recognise other women have different experiences.

My sil had an absolutely horrendous time. She regularly complained about the fact I and other women weren't willing to discuss the horrors of menopause. When I told her I had nothing to discuss as I had no symptoms, I was, apparently, gloating and just didn't understand that not everyone was as lucky as me.

@RachelshouldvegonetoParis

The average age is 52 so she might still be in for a rough ride.

What I've found weird lately is that different people have insisted that men suffer from menopause too. I mean I'm sure they suffer from age related problems, but not of the same kind.

Is there nothing men won't try and take from women?

I had to leave the room when my friends DP told me he had PND. I'm not debating he was depressed and struggling with with demands of a newborn but he did not have PND.

Any woman who belittles another’s experience of a biological journey that they have no option but to take, is a cunt.

Stuff the 'sailing through' crap. Everyone needs to be clued up on the physical problems in later life that are a direct result of lack of oestrogen.

Surely 'a load of old ovaries' would be more accurate?... I'll get my coat.

Did OP want random strangers on Internet to Hate on her friend? To get hope her friend will get come-uppance? Or to hear that some ppl have (peri)menop that is easier -- but she knows that from her friend's experience (so far).

Male bodies usually change shape with age this is not a female only problem. i don't want to debate whose body changes more they both can change a lot. Dunno what men are supposed to call their body changes.

When I was 48, I was sat in the pub with my girlfriends who were all 52 (they went to school together) discussing their menopause symptoms. One of them was in tears and another blamed the menopause for the breakdown of their marriage! Whilst I sympathised, I didn't really understand what they were talking about... now I'm 51 and do now! I appreciate some women may suffer more than others but the drop in oestrogen has affected me massively. I'm on HRT which is taking the edge off but most days, I feel very unlike the old me and I hope that person comes back again some day. It's bloody hard.

Tbh I think there's too much emphasis on symptoms, menopause is a change and I'm more concerned about the effect on womens bones long term. So even if you have no symptoms your body has still changed.

@RachelshouldvegonetoParis

The average age is 52 so she might still be in for a rough ride.

What I've found weird lately is that different people have insisted that men suffer from menopause too. I mean I'm sure they suffer from age related problems, but not of the same kind.

How the fuck could a man experience menopause which is the cessation of menstruation?

I feel like I'm in my prime, really strong and positive, yet this great big hurling disaster called menopause is heading my way and will take away all my fun

Awww I hope it won't do that! I'm one who sailed through it - didn't even notice until I realised my periods were getting patchier then stopped. My mother didn't have any symptoms either. No rages, sweats, none of it. In fact (touch wood) I've felt extremely well and active since I didn't have the drag of periods every month.

I hope lots of you yet to go through it will be one of the 1 in 4 quoted earlier who escape symptoms.

(I understand however that for some women it really is unpleasant, so your friend is being an idiot.)

TBH, I pretty much 'sailed through it' with just a few random hot flashes and no severe mood swings. My body shape did change a bit, but it is what it is. But I know women who suffered terribly and I would never denigrate their experiences or say they weren't 'real'. I was one of the lucky ones and the absence of periods was a real life changer for me.

Give your friend a few years. She'll most likely learn that it's never a good idea to open your mouth about shit you haven't experienced yet.

I had no symptoms at all. Periods stopped. That's it.
However, I hope I'm not so insensitive to realise that everyone has different experiences, and there is a load of material out there of women suffereing night sweats, hot flushes, mood swings.
I admit I have put on some weight, but I have put that down to lockdown, and combined effects of inactivity and baking!

I was okay for a bit! Then out of sorts. Then absolutely horrendous!

Your friend is only 48. It could start any day. Even if it doesn't who is she to judge?

I read somewhere that one-third of women find peri/menopause absolutely terrible, one-third find it difficult but bearable and one-third sail through. Not sure how accurate that is but she might just be lucky or else it hasn't hit her yet...

Your friend is lucky (and if you have mildly murderous thoughts like me at times) she’d do well to keep her luck to herself. Consultant told me that the average age is 51.4 for menopause, so she might get a bit more sympathetic yet.

I had no premenopausal symptoms but suddenly at fifty they all showed up together. On HRT now and doing much better.

Your friend sounds a bit daft. Does she also think periods are a load of bollocks? Or that depressed people should just pull themselves together? Or that people who died of cancer just didn't fight hard enough? The list of stupid medical beliefs goes on, and hers fall firmly in that broad category.

Friend sounds smug and ignorant. It's real. I had a bad time, as I already had an endocrine system issue.

It really affected my life and due to the similar attitude of a family member who 'sailed through it'...I now longer see that person [her choice not mine] and it hurts.

Some people don't have problems, some do. We are all different both mentally and physiologically. That's basic knowledge surely.

[I never had night sweats but had everything else. The weeks/months of sleep deprivation are truly awful apart from the rest of it].