Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Does your son game?

87 replies

PlantingTrees · 17/04/2022 21:18

I’ve got a 6 year old who doesn’t game yet. But it seems that ALL boys end up being into gaming. I also see lots with gaming themed T-shirts. He sometimes plays a few little games on my phone but it makes his behaviour so much worse. He thinks about it all the time, asks about going on my phone etc etc so I have to stop it. Even just a short while or an hour is enough to have an effect. Does anyone’s son not game? And if so, do they feel left out amongst the boys?

OP posts:
Butfirstcoffees · 18/04/2022 01:34

@ClaudiusTheGod

I know loads of men my ages (around 40) that have consistently gamed heavily their entire adult lives.

What do their partners think about this? Do they shout, swear and game late into the night while others in the household try to sleep? The trouble with many of the men I know who are avid gamers is that it has taken over their lives.

No, they all have highly paid professional jobs. They aren't up all night as they have work.

Their partners, think nothing. Its the same as any hobby. That's like saying 'ohh what do the men think of their wives going to yoga/gym/running etc' often, it's shared hobby and the wife/gf games too.

The 'stay up all night, don't have a job, spend their time shouting and swearing' gamer, is sterotype. One that doesn't fit the majority. And if gaming didn't exist this type of person would find something else to prioritise over their families/jobs/responsibilities etc

Original poster
PlantingTrees · 18/04/2022 09:04

Actually, this thread has helped me sort my thoughts out a bit. I think it’s the online element that I’m cautious about. As well as the fact that I know it will impact his behaviour negatively because it already does when he goes on my phone. Which tv doesn’t for some reason. Also, I’m a total hypocrite when it comes to my own screen usage. So I feel stuck between letting him play so he doesn’t feel left out with friends and not letting him play which I think is better for his emotional regulation.

Don’t even get me started on internet usage. I feel so anxious about the thought of it. All that I hear about what kids see these days is horrendous. And I guess I hear a lot from parents with older kids that gaming causes a lot of friction in families - tantrums etc. Either that or their kids have unlimited usage and the parents just roll their eyes and say they can’t get their kids to stop. I haven’t heard any parents of older boys say their kids don’t game at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
PlantingTrees · 18/04/2022 09:06

And it’s not that I’m particularly worried about him gaming meaning he becomes a drop out - that typical stereotype. I don’t think he will. It’s more the short term aspect of it impacting our family and becoming this battle. Which is how it’s often described to me by parents with older kids.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds Families
AchillesPoirot · 18/04/2022 09:08

My daughter does.

She’s able to regulate now (she’s an adult) but as a child there were limits to how long and online was supervised until she was an older teen.

I was a problem child for reading too much back in the day.

AntarcticTern · 18/04/2022 09:09

My DSs are 12 and 16. We have an Xbox but they share it and it's in a downstairs room.

They both do lots of other stuff too - play football and cricket, mess about in the garden, ride bikes, play a musical instrument. So I'm not too worried about a few hours gaming.

It's a social thing too - they interact with their friends online.

SheWoreYellow · 18/04/2022 09:13

Ours do but they have limits that they know about. So we limit the battles. They play with friends, it’s nice. They know not to arrange to meet up at the park with someone they met online. Smile
I agree that social media is more of an issue. My DD is struggling more than my DS just by never being able to escape. Nothing particularly awful is happening, but just the constant ‘oh A is at B’s house when she said to me she wasn’t well’.

CrowAndArrow · 18/04/2022 09:25

Eldest is heavily into gaming, as is his wife. Youngest played the wii a few times at about 8 years old but has never played since - just not his thing.

Original poster
PlantingTrees · 18/04/2022 09:26

Social media for kids terrifies me too. And the ease at which images can be taken and shared. Which are then there forever.

But I do get that there have always been concerns and technologies or kids being obsessed with things like reading or Lego or whatever. It’s why I’m trying to sort my thoughts out and figure out whether I have this prejudice about gaming that is unfounded or whether my concerns are valid at all. It all feels a bit like a nebulous worry atm and I can’t quite make sense of it. This thread is helping tho, particularly those whose kids don’t game or do it in a manageable way that doesn’t cause arguments.

OP posts:
Hotterweathe · 18/04/2022 10:00

Mine doesn’t and isn’t interested. Plays with toys a lot and we have an allotment where we spend a lot of time working on the land which he loves doing.

BooseysMom · 18/04/2022 13:37

My 11 year old is a huge gamer, as are all of his friends- I hear them chatting away as they play. The days of playing out are long gone (thankfully, I'd be worried the whole time) and this is the future. (Said as a secondary school worker and teenage mother!)

I think this shows what a sad state the world is in today. I'm glad I had the childhood I had in the 70s when there were no phones. I see DS on Roblox or YouTube and I despair. He's 8 and utterly addicted and we have to force him off it. He has a sharp mind and he's wasting it on gaming and watching trash on YouTube. I try to take YouTube off the phone and he just puts it back on. There is some balance when he plays out with friends but the evenings are the worse time. He doesn't know how to find other things to do anymore and that makes me so sad when I think back to us playing with his little made-up characters for hours on end.

I can’t see it improving and the more kids get into it, the more addictive it becomes which is exactly what these people (the game/ phone companies) want. ....
Also watch out for the constant requirement to purchase Robux or whatever in-app purchases there are. It's never-ending!

Original poster
PlantingTrees · 18/04/2022 14:56

That sounds hard, @BooseysMom. What would happen if you just stopped it altogether?

OP posts:
LaTomatina · 18/04/2022 15:17

Mine don't. Oldest 2 are 10 and 8. They have played a bit at their cousin's and with friends, but neither of them has been that excited about it. Probably about half their classmates are into gaming (mainly boys, as far as I know - the girls are more interested in social media, which would probably worry me a lot more). DH and I are not knowledgeable or interested in gaming ourselves so it suits us not to bother with it, although if they were keen we would probably facilitate it, with time limits.

Thesearmsofmine · 18/04/2022 15:23

@ BooseysMom tbh it sounds like you need to take the phone away from him and take back the control as the adult in this situation.
You say your son is 8, he doesn’t need a phone. Any access he has online should be supervised given his age so if you have removed Youtube from a device, he shouldn’t be able to simply download it again.

BooseysMom · 19/04/2022 05:31

@PlantingTrees...That sounds hard, @BooseysMom. What would happen if you just stopped it altogether?

Well I discussed this very thing with DH last night and we came to the conclusion that taking the phone off him altogether would be unfair and the only way we can take control is by making sure he has a time block set on it. We monitor what he watches m and its not all bad and he loves playing games with his friends. I think I just need to accept he's not a baby any more.

cookiemonster2468 · 19/04/2022 05:40

@PlantingTrees

Ok, 9 years old is good! I don’t know why I feel so sad about it. No one else seems to feel like this and their kids all game for hours at a time. And I can’t talk to anyone about it coz I don’t want them to think I’m judgey or whatever. Luckily he’s never actually played a video game yet, only ones on phones. So he doesn’t really know they exist yet. He mainly plays with girls so hasn’t been to anyone’s house yet who games.
Honestly, I think you're overreacting a bit, and maybe should try and work out why you feel sad about it.

It sounds like you have quite a lot of preconceptions about gaming which are very negative. Have you fact checked those and whether this is actually the case?

Gaming isn't all bad - in fact I'd say not bad at all if done in moderation and supported by parents where children need help with limiting their screen time. But if you do it properly, gaming can add so much to your/ your child's life - it's social, creative and engaging.

So yeah, my advice - check your preconceptions.

cookiemonster2468 · 19/04/2022 05:41

@PlantingTrees

And it’s not that I’m particularly worried about him gaming meaning he becomes a drop out - that typical stereotype. I don’t think he will. It’s more the short term aspect of it impacting our family and becoming this battle. Which is how it’s often described to me by parents with older kids.
It will only become a battle if you let it spiral like that.

Don't make it a forbidden fruit.

wtfwasthatmate · 19/04/2022 05:58

What do people think happened to their sharp minds in the 70's from playing out that won't happen to this generation? Do you think playing out affected your career and abilities? The world is not the same place.

JimMorrisonsleathertrousers · 19/04/2022 06:12

@wtfwasthatmate

What do people think happened to their sharp minds in the 70's from playing out that won't happen to this generation? Do you think playing out affected your career and abilities? The world is not the same place.
I agree and look at it the same way. The world is a different place. Things have changed and are still changing.
passport123 · 19/04/2022 06:15

Kids 9 and 13, we don't have a console and won't be getting one.

thedisappearedones · 19/04/2022 06:18

I don't know any boy 8 or above really that doesn't game. It's all about finding the right balance.

Original poster
PlantingTrees · 19/04/2022 07:34

@cookiemonster2468 yeah I’m not sure why I feel so sad about it. I’m trying to figure it out so it’s been useful for me to have some positive input about it on this thread. I’m not worried about it affect his career or anything like someone else said. It’s more the impact on family life I think. I only seem to hear horror stories from other parents about kids getting addicted and it causing loads of family tension. I already know it will affect his behaviour because he sometimes plays games on my phone but I’ve had to stop it coz it makes him really naughty and emotional.

OP posts:
superplumb · 19/04/2022 07:55

Both mine do, aged 6 and 8. Pokemon and minecraft, occasionally mario
They prob play too much tbh where I have to force them to come outside for a walk but they love it when outside. Worryingly though is my 8 old keeps asking for fortnight and says his friend play it. Thats a definite no for me.

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 19/04/2022 08:20

I game. I did as a child and I do now as a woman in my 40s. I didn't become a delinquent and even went to Cambridge. My nephew is a gamer and wants to do computer science at GCSE and might go into a career in programming. He built his own gaming PC at 14.

Original poster
PlantingTrees · 19/04/2022 08:27

I’m not worried about my son becoming a delinquent. I’ve said that multiple times.

OP posts:
Bumpsadaisie · 19/04/2022 08:38

Hmm. I do think is a big thing boys get into roundabout year 4/5. It's sociable.

My son has made wider friends at school through it. So they'll game in the morning and then they will have made a plan between four or five of them to meet at the school field to play football. So actually they're our and about and having a little independence.

He has a friend who doesn't game and while he is a lovely lad he spends a lot of time on activities his parents take him to. He's doing really well at these which is great but he is missing out on creating an independent social life of the kind my son now really enjoying.

I guess it depends a lot on who your son plays with and so on but it can be a good thing in moderation.

My sons academic work has improved too since he started playing.

Swipe left for the next trending thread