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Original poster

My child has become violent

36 replies

purpleme12 · 15/04/2022 20:25

I don't know my child anymore
She's so angry
She screams in my face, is aggressive, will pull me, push me, pull my clothes, bite
Never really hard but I'm sure there's time for that unfortunately
Nothing I do works
Apart from cuddle and singing
Today was awful
She's past listening to what I say and in the end I had to pick her up and put her in her room. Which of course lead to more banging on the door. I don't feel I can control her anymore
She blames it on me saying I'm mean and rude
It's my fault
I don't know where I went wrong with her
I'm so worried each day it will kick off again

OP posts:
Pinkandpurplehairedlady · 15/04/2022 20:28

That sounds really difficult. How old is she?

Original poster
purpleme12 · 15/04/2022 20:30

8

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 15/04/2022 20:37

I didn't bring her up like this
I don't know where I went wrong

And I don't know where I can find the energy to deal with tomorrow

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 15/04/2022 20:39

So scared about what others think who live on the street

OP posts:
RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 15/04/2022 20:40

Any major life changes? Any underlying issues? Is she like with everyone? At school etc

bloodywhitecat · 15/04/2022 20:41

I don't think you did go wrong but I think it is very natural to blame yourself, do you think there might be an underlying condition that causes her to be this way?

Embracelife · 15/04/2022 20:41

Behaviour is communication
What is she communicating
What s been happening home and school

Original poster
purpleme12 · 15/04/2022 20:41

There is something going on....
I don't know if that's affecting her or not...
Well I know it affects her but I don't know if this is to do with her behaviour..

I believe that she is angry everywhere else and does react the same but perhaps not to the same extent

OP posts:
onemorerose · 15/04/2022 20:42

Could you talk to the school about it at all? Would you feel comfortable. Our school has a lot of resources for troubling behaviours and genuinely want to help. It must be so difficult. Are you with her father? Does she behave this way with him?

Original poster
purpleme12 · 15/04/2022 20:43

@bloodywhitecat

I don't think you did go wrong but I think it is very natural to blame yourself, do you think there might be an underlying condition that causes her to be this way?
He dad has ADHD

Is it possible for her to have this when these extreme behaviours have only just come up really?
She's never been a laid back child and always quite defiant anyway but it's another level at the minute

OP posts:
bitchymcbitch · 15/04/2022 20:43

This behaviour is emotions which she doesn't know what to do with. She needs help. What has happened, in school or at home? Are you managing ok? (Not a criticism, a genuine question. Kids pick up when we are not on)

bitchymcbitch · 15/04/2022 20:44

Ok not on.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 15/04/2022 20:46

Yes perhaps it's emotions she doesn't know what to do with
She does say she can't help it
And she does need help to come down
Different from before

Am I ok?
It's really hard to deal with situations like today
And I just don't know how it's come to this
I really think she hates me

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 15/04/2022 20:47

It is absolutely possible that whatever is going on in your lives is bringing ADHD to the fore. Girls good at masking the signs but maybe whatever it is that is going on has meant that she is no longer able to do that?

bloodywhitecat · 15/04/2022 20:50

I don't think she hates you, I think it is very possible that she feels safe enough with you to express her fears and feelings as she trusts that you love her and will be there for her. Her hormones could also be playing a part in all of this.

itsgettingweird · 15/04/2022 20:52

She doesn't hate you.

She loves you and knows you love her and that's why she's comfortable enough to relax enough for this emotion to come out around you.

Have you looked at resources on line?

There's some great resources via books called "what to do when ....." then there's worry too much etc.

Also can she label emotions well? Can she have something she can use or wear (for example the green/red writs bands) to show how's she's feeling and then some strategies for calming (for example a tent with a beanbag in).

What causes these outbursts? Is there anything that's happening at the time? Do they come from nowhere such as when she watching tv, to be told no, to be asked to do something?

I'd start keeping a diary. What was happening, what was said, what you did and then what the outcome of that was. It'll be handy if you need GP or schools help in the near future to show how you're dealing with it and that it's not working.

If there is adhd or similar involved it's not uncommon to be around age 8 that behaviours start showing up much more. This is due to development. From age 7 onwards children start to understand a world that doesn't revolve around them. If you have a neuro developmental difficulty that's very hard to process and if your delayed and haven't yet developed to that point and your leers have you feel very lonely and feel different because communicating with them becomes a whole new level of difficult.

She doesn't hate you. She's trying communicate something to you. Thanks

tomatorich112 · 15/04/2022 20:52

It's the age hormones kick in. love bomb and be strict, it will pass. do try to deal with the school issues though, open communication will get you through the next 10 years if she trusts you.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 15/04/2022 20:57

@itsgettingweird
Yes they come when she's not happy about something
So if it's something I said that she doesn't like, can be something really simple
Or I've told her no or something
Or I don't react in the way she wants me to

OP posts:
onemorerose · 15/04/2022 21:02

She doesn’t hate you. She’s unleashing on you because you are her safe person. Keeping a record is a great idea with details on what she’s done that day.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 15/04/2022 21:10

I'm just so exhausted from it all mentally

OP posts:
Sponge19 · 15/04/2022 21:13

Where do you think you went wrong? Can you do anything to repair the damage? I would consider speaking to an expert

IAMGE · 15/04/2022 21:16

Your DH need to step up then and give you a day out. Autism effects girls very differently. But she sounds like mine 8 year old - he’s a nightmare. Physically get her out and swimming or walking.

Reward chart here do what you are told the first time, play and share nicely and use polite indoor voices when talking

Stars on and stars off. 10 stars is a reward- 25 another reward and 50 mega reward. Give them out like confetti - but I’m ruthless about taking them away. Once he got 24 and had a melt down and was hitting me and he lost the lot bit by bit which enraged him even more but he learnt he has a temper and he must control it.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 15/04/2022 21:16

I don't know where I went wrong?
I can't see
I've always done my best for her and used strategies that worked for her (which don't work anymore)
And loved her

OP posts:
Daisy1245 · 15/04/2022 21:16

Is she nearly 9?

Original poster
purpleme12 · 15/04/2022 21:17

8 and a half

OP posts:
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